[jazzy123456]

After a month of no talk to my T, this is what I would like to say in an email...but, i'm not sending this...idk...
someone in my family died, which isn't a big deal, cus' its just my grandfather but i never really thought about it too much, ever, so it kinda feels like instead of thinking about myself i focused on my dads greiving over his dad...and now it kind of just feels like a fog over my head some times.
i just moved out of my house for the first time
learning how to be on my own, apartment style setting
buying stuff on my own, paying a monthly rent, registering for classes, getting my car fixed, along with doctor visits for inflammation in my knee etc.etc.etc....
and supposedly I'm suppose to be ending therapy at the same time?
I guess I have a right to send this email with all this stuff going on but I don't feel I do... this would be the email...


Dear T,

...not knowing if I want to transition out of therapy "as needed" and being on my own for the first time, at the same time, confuses me. I want to continue letting go so I can move forward but I don't want to let go so much that I become prideful--- and make mistakes that could have been avoided if I had of asked for help; a family member passed away christmas eve too and I have yet to deal w/ it...I've done nothing, haven't wrote about it, cried about it, nothing...I wonder if therapy is the place to bring that up?/ I'm emailing because I am unsure of how long I should wait until I return?

JAZZY


Honestly, I think my T kind of point blank said...I shouldn't email anymore...but, i kinda don't think thats true, i kinda think i was just overduing it for a while and she was just feeling burdened by them at the moment but thats just me...i know i should care about crossing a boundary that i shouldn't...but, i think this makes sense as to why I would right now. maybe i should leave the family member part out? but its like i never talked to anyone about it, so it would only make sense that i would want to tell my therapist.

thanks for any suggestions because this is hard!



I feel like I have had no contact with her for a month on purpose. which is great! but, i wanted to last longer, at least until february!...but the more and more i say that, the more and more it feels like i'm hanging on by a thread some times... and in these moments i try to be gentle with myself...i cant believe...i use to email her every week...and i'm making a bigger transition and i've lasted a month...pushed through for a month. well 30 days exacty.

[rainbow8]

jazzy, I think you should send the email. It's fine. You sound a little like me when I cut down on sessions with my former T. I wanted to stay out of therapy (ha! ha!) after seeing her, but I always felt like I needed to see her every month or so. I spent the time wishing the days would go by quickly until enough time had gone by so I could make an appointment.

Eventually I realized it wasn't working. I didn't think she could help me and a month or longer in between was not helpful anyway. That's why I started regular therapy again with someone else.

When I read your threads I see you wondering this and that about lots of things. You're wanting to be on your own, and you're doing it, but it seems like a time when you could use some more support, maybe with this T or maybe with a different one. I think it was suggested in another thread that you make an appointment with your T to sort out whether you should be quitting therapy, continuing, or somewhere in between.

So, my only suggestion is, in your email, to ask for an appointment instead of debating it so much. Is there a reason why you can't see her again? I think she could help you with all of your concerns about being on your own.

I'm sorry about your grandfather. I want to suggest not minimizing the effect on you even if you think his death didn't affect you so much. It's not "just your grandfather." It's your GRANDFATHER. I think it would be helpful to talk with your T about your loss.

[with or without you]

I agree with rainbow, I think you should get back in touch with T even if it's just about to talk about your grandpa. Sorry about your GF. I lost mine in '09.

[jazzy123456]

thanks you all....

rainbow...i would love to just set up an appointment but i make a big deal of it because i'm actually still in the middle of a lot of the stuff i said above...
learning how to be on my own, apartment style setting
grocery shopping, paying a monthly rent, registering for classes, getting my car fixed, along with doctor visits for inflammation in my knee etc.etc.etc....

i guess sometimes when we feel we have a lot to get done, even doing small things like making an appointment feel really big and don't make it or fit in the schedule for the day. so i'm putting it off cus it just doesnt seem as important as the kazillion things i need to do...which is the extra reason it would be nice to send the email...cus' even if i did make an appointment...it could be one or two weeks from now for all i know?

rainbow, reading your posts ...i do agree...we probably have some things in common

the wierd thing is, i kinda did set up an appointment on the 14th of december and we talked about things but it was like she put words in my mouth half of the time and i felt confused when i left...like she told me what i wanted...idk...so thats y i feel bak at square one.

thanks for the input.
the more i read what i wrote the more i consider sending it.

[Oceanwave]

Can you email her and just say that it would be helpful if you could meet, sometime soon if possible. And then you can tell her the rest when you see her. I think it would be best to take your first post from this thread (not the email you drafted, as it is a lot less specific) to your appointment and discuss all those issues honestly. I have the feeling that you are downplaying the distress you are in, what do you think?

[SpiritRunner]

I would just email her too......I get the feeling here that if you don't, the question will keep playing itself in your mind! And maybe the question is there because the need is there......if you truly feel the need, I wouldn't ignore it.

[Kacey2]

Hey Jazzy,
Good to hear from you girl. I was worried about you in your big transition time. Ok so hopefully you take this with a grain of salt, but I was wondering if you could possibly try to find another t that is closer to your university. I just don't like how your t has handled your therapy during this chaotic time for you. In my humble opinion she just isn't giving you what you need and I am not clear if she doesn't understand it all or if she is just refusing to give you more support. I hope you can find someone who can be more available for you. I understand you have a connection and a history with her but........... it hurts me for you that you are struggling and alone and I want you to have a safe and healthy t relationship. A soft spot for you to land when you are flying off in the big college world.

[jazzy123456]

wow kacey thanks... and the only thing so far that has kept me from finding a new therapist is fear........ now that i know what therapy can do to a person...i am very different when considering going back to it...i don't want it to impact me negativily ever again if i can help it...so i'm kinda making space from it...hmmm...but its something to think about. thanks so much kacey! plusplus...i know i will soon....
at some point within the next months...either have to end therapy permeantly or do it at my college...because she charges... and my university...well. its already included in my fees and charges.

[jazzy123456]

Originally Posted by Oceanwave

Can you email her and just say that it would be helpful if you could meet, sometime soon if possible. And then you can tell her the rest when you see her. I think it would be best to take your first post from this thread (not the email you drafted, as it is a lot less specific) to your appointment and discuss all those issues honestly. I have the feeling that you are downplaying the distress you are in, what do you think?

oceanwave thanks for the comment and to answer your question... i think if i didn't downplay it...i'd be a wreck... you may be right? think. but, i know making light of it is the only way i can keep moving forward...especially cus i don't have much of a choice in the matter to keep moving...got to much to do

and poetgirl your right....just trying to see how long i can perservere...how long i can let it bug me but not let it overcome me...how long i can teach myself to be strong???