As some of you know, I married at the age of 17 and ended up in a nightmare! That marriage tore down my self-esteem and made me into a robotic controlled, overly submissive wife.

I have trouble telling my therapist about what all happened during that time. I guess I have blocked a lot of it out. She wants me to face the pain so that I can move forward. As you know, that is not easy.

I have asked my mother to help me. She hated my ex for what he did to me. I have asked her to be my voice, because I can't bring myself to go back in my mind to what happened.

She is writing a letter to my therapist to tell her what she saw in that marriage and how much I went through. I think this is a great idea for those of us who can't seem to find the words, or are terrified to allow ourselves to 'go there' with our emotions.

Have any of you done that? Had someone else write a letter/email to your therapist about a tragic event that you went through, but cannot find the courage or strength to share it on your own?

[cutebagaddict08]

It's sounds like you are a strong person. It shows courage to reach out and ask for help. Would you mom come to a session with you? or Do you feel more comfortable with her writing a letter to your therapist?

I have not had anyone come to therapy with me. But I have had my husband come to the psychatrist with me- he helped the doctor understanding how my attitude and emotions would change. There were times I felt weird explaining my anxiety,etc and my husband was 'voice' while explaining that to the psychatrist.

I think if you are comfortable with your mother participating either by letter or in person- then go with it.

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

As some of you know, I married at the age of 17 and ended up in a nightmare! That marriage tore down my self-esteem and made me into a robotic controlled, overly submissive wife.

I have trouble telling my therapist about what all happened during that time. I guess I have blocked a lot of it out. She wants me to face the pain so that I can move forward. As you know, that is not easy.

I have asked my mother to help me. She hated my ex for what he did to me. I have asked her to be my voice, because I can't bring myself to go back in my mind to what happened.

She is writing a letter to my therapist to tell her what she saw in that marriage and how much I went through. I think this is a great idea for those of us who can't seem to find the words, or are terrified to allow ourselves to 'go there' with our emotions.

Have any of you done that? Had someone else write a letter/email to your therapist about a tragic event that you went through, but cannot find the courage or strength to share it on your own?

Originally Posted by cutebagaddict08

It's sounds like you are a strong person. It shows courage to reach out and ask for help. Would you mom come to a session with you? or Do you feel more comfortable with her writing a letter to your therapist?

Being that I am 48 years old, and my mother is 72 years old, I don't think meeting with my therapist together would work. I don't feel comfortable showing my emotions in front of my mom. She is so angry at my (ex) that I would fear her blood pressure would go through the roof is she engaged in a conversation about him.

Having her write a letter/email in the comfort of her home would help her stay more calm. (and me, too).

As for being a strong person, I am not sure about that. I guess I have just gotten to a point that it is now or never. I am going to get help, get past my hurts, pains, and issues, OR I am going to accept that this is it and stop beating myself up over things that I am not willing to change.

[WePow]

There is something healing that comes when we are given our own voice.
No man can tell us to 'shut up'
No hand can cover our mouths

[sugahorse1]

Congrats on adopting the approach you have! I personally battle to talk to my T. It's not because of her - I just close up. And ha;f the time, there's nothing major going on. I also just battle to structure my thoughts while talking. So, 2 days before my session, I 'journal' what's going on in my head. My T then drives the session for me around these topics. She won't push matters if she's it's detrimental to me, but obviously I need to eventually reach a point where I can talk about it.
Right now, the mission is to get me to talk when prompted. Thereafter I will be expected to take full responsibility for my sessions and talk about everything on my own.

We are taking baby steps - can you ask your T if this approach would work? That way she'll get an understanding of what you're going through. And you can talk when you are ready.

Then, as WePow mentions, as you get stronger, you can say those same words yourself, and that's when the real healing takes place

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

As some of you know, I married at the age of 17 and ended up in a nightmare! That marriage tore down my self-esteem and made me into a robotic controlled, overly submissive wife.

I have trouble telling my therapist about what all happened during that time. I guess I have blocked a lot of it out. She wants me to face the pain so that I can move forward. As you know, that is not easy.

I have asked my mother to help me. She hated my ex for what he did to me. I have asked her to be my voice, because I can't bring myself to go back in my mind to what happened.

She is writing a letter to my therapist to tell her what she saw in that marriage and how much I went through. I think this is a great idea for those of us who can't seem to find the words, or are terrified to allow ourselves to 'go there' with our emotions.

Have any of you done that? Had someone else write a letter/email to your therapist about a tragic event that you went through, but cannot find the courage or strength to share it on your own?

here third person information (having friends, family contact treatment providers) is not allowed. when ever any family or friends approach us to talk to us about someone they know that may be seeing us at the crisis center or they may be on the mental health unit we must stop them in their tracks by stating we are not able to say whether the person they are talking about is one of our clients and we are not able to discuss any clients. this is set down by the HIPPA, and HIPAA privacy laws. In order for us tobe able to talk with a third party person we must first have the client fill out a signed release form. Once that is done we set an appointment where both the client and the third party can attend a session together.

We do on the other hand if our clients are seeing other treatment providers ask that they sign a release form giving us permission to contact their treatment providers for continuity of care purposes. This is so that all treatment providers to this client are all working on the same page and treatment plans.

after we have the release forms signed and dated, while still in the presence of the client we fax the form over to the other treatment providers with a statement of what we need from them and possible appointment dates and times for a joint meeting between us, the client and the other treatment providers.

on a personal level I have never asked anyone to be a go between for my therapist, psychiatrist and I. My treatment providers must also follow the HIPPA and HIPAA privacy laws, so even if I had wanted them to they would not have been able to talk with any third party on my behalf and would not have been able to accept information from a third party friend or family. They would have to follow the privacy laws and turn who ever I sent away without even acknowledging whether I was their client or not.

i am glad that there are the HIPPA and HIPAA privacy laws that protect my confidentiality and that my treatment providers follow them so strickly.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

on a personal level I have never asked anyone to be a go between for my therapist, psychiatrist and I. My treatment providers must also follow the HIPPA and HIPAA privacy laws, so even if I had wanted them to they would not have been able to talk with any third party on my behalf and would not have been able to accept information from a third party friend or family.

i am glad that there are the HIPPA and HIPAA privacy laws that protect my confidentiality and that my treatment providers follow them so strickly.

Maybe I am taking this personally, but I get the impression you don't think my therapist is very professional and does not know the 'laws'. I personally needed for someone on the 'outside' to step in for me. She did not go snooping around into my family seeking information about me. Nor did my family contact her to 'get into my business'.

Since I cannot afford family therapy, and since my husband is disabled and cannot travel, having family therapy was not an option for me. I am the one who initiated the information from my family. I asked them to help, and my therapist was okay with that.

For me, this was something that needed to be done. Many times when a person goes through trauma, they block out the most painful parts. Having my family tell my therpist what happened is the only way I know to get that information to her so that she can help me.

I did not want to read their letters for fear that it may trigger something. I am sure that my therapist is knowledgable about the HIPPA laws. Just for my piece of mind, I will ask her about that in our next session.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

Maybe I am taking this personally, but I get the impression you don't think my therapist is very professional and does not know the 'laws'. I personally needed for someone on the 'outside' to step in for me. She did not go snooping around into my family seeking information about me. Nor did my family contact her to 'get into my business'.

Since I cannot afford family therapy, and since my husband is disabled and cannot travel, having family therapy was not an option for me. I am the one who initiated the information from my family. I asked them to help, and my therapist was okay with that.

For me, this was something that needed to be done. Many times when a person goes through trauma, they block out the most painful parts. Having my family tell my therpist what happened is the only way I know to get that information to her so that she can help me.

I did not want to read their letters for fear that it may trigger something. I am sure that my therapist is knowledgable about the HIPPA laws. Just for my piece of mind, I will ask her about that in our next session.

no I dont think your treatment provider is doing anything wrong. Im sorry if you took how things work here in my work placements and with in my own therapy set up as an attack on yours. but that was not what my post stated.

my post clearly stated I was talking about how things are here where I work and my own personal therapy set up.

[Sweetlove]

I think you should do whatever will help you to get better. I'm sure your therapist knows the HIPPA laws and wouldn't do anything if she didn't think it was completely legal and your decision. It isn't like your mother is going to call her and discuss your life without you knowing about it. She is writing a letter that you are delivering to your therapist. If they were to talk, she would need your permission...but it won't be a conversation. I think this is fine and I have considered having my mom call my T to inform him of things I couldn't talk about before...and I still might. This is YOUR therapy...you do everything that will aid in your healing...

Originally Posted by Sweetlove

I think you should do whatever will help you to get better....I think this is fine..... This is YOUR therapy...you do everything that will aid in your healing...

Sometimes I wish I could read what my family is writing about me! But I have assured them that it is confidential and I won't see it. I wanted them to be totally, brutally honest with my therapist. I want to get better. That is my number one focus.

Whatever I have to do, I have to do. I don't normally follow the trend, or do what everyone else is doing. I do what works for me. My therapist tells me all the time that therapy is not about her, it is all about me. So stop worrying about what she will think if I do this or that.

She assures me that if I do something that she feels will not be in my best interest, she will tell me. She is constantly telling me: "Don't be afraid of your emotions. Do something different. Take a risk."

[Sweetlove]

Squiggle, why can't you read what they are writing? Will they not write anything if they know you are going to read it? I understand that you may not want to read it if what they write is going to trigger you or push you back in any way, but if they don't want you to read it, that is a different story. Just make sure that you know the jist of what is being said to your therapist.

She is right, the therapy is not about her...and you will be surprised what comes out if you take a risk...I hope you mom's letter really helps your therapy

[Omers]

I have had someone go with me to Pdoc once and it was a disaster (not in the moment but months later) much of that was because of who I brought though.

I have been the one to go with or send/leave a message. I am not bound by HIPPA only the therapist is so I give them my 2 cents and expect that they will not say anything at all... feels kinda stupid in the moment but it has helped. If I am in the room, by invite of the client, then most T's have asked the client their goal in bringing me and say very little while I am in the room. It has been a huge help to several of my friends who have a hard time being as open with their T as they are with me. But I am also very selective. I choose to only say as much as it takes to get the conversation started and no more. Much to my friends dismay it is still their story to tell and ultimately it must be told by them.
Good luck!

[ECHOES]

I wanted them to be totally, brutally honest with my therapist.

We all have our own selective memories and perceptions of things, so their truth will be their truth, and your truth is still yours

Originally Posted by Sweetlove

Squiggle, why can't you read what they are writing? Will they not write anything if they know you are going to read it? I understand that you may not want to read it if what they write is going to trigger you or push you back in any way, but if they don't want you to read it, that is a different story. Just make sure that you know the jist of what is being said to your therapist.

She is right, the therapy is not about her...and you will be surprised what comes out if you take a risk...I hope you mom's letter really helps your therapy

I felt that in order for my family to be as open and honest as they possibly could, that would be achieved better if they knew it would be confidential and not something I would read.

I guess there is a reason that I don't like to read personal things written by my family. A deep wound was formed when I accidentally stumbled upon some emails that my husband was writing to another woman. As you can imagine, I was devastated.

I cannot bring myself to read anything that he writes about me, or to me. There is too much pain there. As for my mother, she has a lot of anger toward my ex husband. That is mainly the purpose of having her write the email to my therapist. Not to show her anger, but to tell my therapist what happened in that marriage. That would be too much of a trigger for me to read any of that.

So, these are the reasons I do not choose to read anything that my family has sent to my therapist.

Originally Posted by ECHOES

We all have our own selective memories and perceptions of things, so their truth will be their truth, and your truth is still yours

You have a point, but I may disagree a bit. When we are in an emotional nightmare, sometimes our 'truth' can be somewhat distorted. What we think is going on, in reality may not be. There are always two sides to any story. My side is not always right. It may be how I feel, or my truth, but that does not mean that I am right.

Sometimes people talk themselves into believing lies or mistruths. You can convince yourself that something happened. You can actually experience all of the emotions that go along with it. But, it may never have happened.

One example I can give: My friend was terrified of someone that was stalking her. Someone that wanted a relationship with her, but she did not want anything to do with him. She had a tremendous fear of seeing him, and thinking he was going to attack her.

It got to the point that she swears he raped her. This never happened. Her therapist said that even though it did not happen, for her, in her mind it did. Her emotional state was that of a person who had been raped. So, they had to treat her as one who had been raped. She went through intense therapy to be able to get to a point that she realized the rape never happened.

This is where one person's truth may not be truth at all, but a fabrication in the mind.