I've been in a lot of pain the past couple days. Really triggered and feeling like I want to talk with my new T, but still don't feel comfortable enough with her to call or email her out of the blue. I don't even know what I would say.

I think I'm really feeling compelled to tell her some details of my story. I need to get them OUT so that they aren't haunting me like this. Yet, I'm not 100% comfortable and safe with this T.

It's such a paradox. She is offering me the things I most crave. Safety. Comfort. Acceptance. Yet, I resist. resist. resist. Why can't I trust her??

Part of me sees this 2-hour session looming as a leap of faith. To see if she can handle a few details and see how she responds. I just feel raw sitting here in anticipation of it. I'm carrying all the pain alone. I need a witness. I'm scared.

[ECHOES]

Are you feeling anxious about the 2-hours session coming up and feeling like you are expected to tell it all at that time?
Even if you want to tell her, if you feel huge expectations about the 2-hour session 'looming', I can sure see how that could make you feel anxious too!

What if you just called and said you were feeling scared about this big session coming up? Perhaps she could relieve and reassure you

[nice girl]

i agree with echoes here.. trying calling her up...tc..

Thanks for the replies.

When I wrote this post, I had not yet scheduled the 2-hour session. I think that was what was making me feel unsettled. I knew I needed to schedule it, but I was afraid. I was also scared to ask for a 2-hr session in addition to my regular session. I've never asked for that much time.

BUT, this morning I called T's office and scheduled the 2-hr session in addition to my regular session. Then, I emailed T to make sure that was okay with her (the office manager just scheduled it and said it was fine, but I still wanted to give T a heads up and make sure she agreed with seeing me 3 HOURS this week ).

T wrote me back immediately and said she thought it's a great idea to spend more time together this week. She said she trusts my inner wisdom.

I'm still terrified, but I think I just need to take a leap here. She can't help me if she doesn't know what happened to me. Even if I manage to say just a little bit, I think it will help.

[ladyjrnlist]

Your T probably senses that you need extra time so you can get comfortable. Don't push yourself. It will come out when it's time.

Originally Posted by griffinp

She said she trusts my inner wisdom.

You are being so brave, griffin

[sugahorse1]

Sounds like you have a really sensitive T - I hope your relationship can go from strength to strength. The first few sessions will be a bit awkward, but over time, the trust will evolve if the two of you are supposed to be in this together.

I hope the session goes well - don't feel pressure to tell her anything, but the more you can, the more weight will be lifted off your shoulders