T laid into me

So I had T today and she gave me a stern talking to about what she sees. and told me I needed to figure out what the real issue or issues are and bring them in next thursday when I see her. I'm terrified that if I cant figure out what they are she is going to drop me as a client and I dont think i can handle that right now. She seemed pretty upset or maybe she was just trying to shake me up so I would start talking. I was really quiet in session and couldnt spit out what was going on in my head. I cant imagine that being easy to deal with week in and week out for the last year. though she told me she wasnt frustrated Im not sure I totally believe her. that sounds horrible but really normally I do trust her completely with what she says...for some reason Im not entirely sure I believe shes not frustrated maybe because Im so frustrated with me I find it hard to believe no one else is. would i sound rediculous to call and ask her if she wants to give up on me? I mean I would rather know now than be trying to figure this out and at some point decide she can not do this with me anymore. Im so terrified to find out but I would rather know right now than later on. God this is nuts...why do i care so much bout where she is at and yet cant seem to care about me enough to figure out what is going on. maybe I should just give up maybe Im beyond help.

Im going to take a stab in the dark here. Im both a client in the mental health system and also a treatment provider.

As a client I so know how hard it is to go to a therapist and tell them all the things bouncing around in my head. and not knowing quite what to say.

on the other end of the coin I know what its like to be a therapist and have clients who dont talk, dont telll me whats on their mind and dont tell me how I can help them.

what helps both situations for me is the saying, no body is a mind reader. in order for anyone to help me I have to tell my therapist what I need from her. in order for me to help my clients I cant just assume things. I have to wait for them to tell me what they need.

its frustrating sometimes from both sides.

we all perceive things differently, being that I wasnt there I dont know what words were said, but according to your post what your treatment provider wants form you is to know -

why are you in therapy
what can she help you with
what would you like to work on during your time with her.

the answers to these things dont have to be real hard, dig deep kinds of things.

theres a reason why you are seeing her right? you didnt just one day think gee I have nothing to do today laundrys done no shopping car works great why not go to therapy for the fun of it. LOL (as nutty as that sounds I have had a few people walk in just because they had nothing to do that day why not pass the time with going to therapy.)

so ok in one sentence why did you want to be in therapy.
examples -

I was depressed
I was having problems at work
I was stressed out
I was suicidal
I have a pre existing mental problem thats rearing its head.

See doesnt have to be a big detailed thing

after you have that step done take the next step lets take one of the above

I am depressed

how can your therapist help you with that -

referal to a psychiatrist for medications
need a place to talk about why I'm depressed
I would like to know how to handle my daily routines when I cant even get out of bed in the morning.
Can you (the therapist) teach me more about what depression is and ways to cope with it so that I can understand my disorder better and have survival tools for when it rears its ugly head.

see just take it one step at a time and as they say keep it simple, dont try to read a lot into what your therapist wants you to do. she just wants you to take the first steps of your treatment by deciding what you need her for, how can she help you.

there will be plenty of time to delve deeper into things after your therapist knows why you want to see her, what you need from her and how she can help you.

can you just write? Freely, without editing (the not editing is difficult for me). Just pick up a notebook, or open wordpad on your pc and begin writing about your day, what's irritating, what you thought about people you saw, how you feel inside (you can use pain scale faces for this) I never did DBT but you can find dbt behavior cards on line. They give you topics that you can score every day, like depression, anxiety...etc. Maybe going over one of those before you write might help.

i so can understand your frustration. i can count on one hand the amount of times t have spoken in t in over a year but it is one of the reasons i am in T. and believe me it is a total lesson in frustration and patience.i so know that huge huge bursting at the seams desire to be able to say what it is you need to say and then you cant.does your T allow you to e-mail of write letters that may help.it isnt always a huge help for me but it does sometimes

my t doesnt do email but otherwise she said do what you gotta do to get it(art,writing,etc) out and bring it with you next thursday. I got a book she recommended might spark some thought and I am reading it...kinda dry but good no less. what if I cant figure out what it is that is causing me to revert to being self-destructive? then what do i do?...cancel thursday? she will be very upset with me? goodness she has really got me rattled and uncomfortable and I really HATE this.

I can understand how pressured you must feel and the anxiety that it provokes. All good stuff to address in your next session...and if you feel the need to reach out to T beforehand to ask if she wants to drop you as a client, then do it. Better than having it stir up even more anxiety that could be getting in the way of trying to accomplish the goal. Therapy is work and is sooooo not easy.

I have found that my most effective times is when I just sit with feelings...at a time/place where I won't be disrupted....and just wait to see what comes up for me - and try to trust what comes up. If you are able to sit with feelings long enough, they will lead the way.

I sometimes start off with something that easily comes to mind...and then as I write about it, it expands and then stirs up other things....which could all be useful in therapy.

I hope you are able to get past this anxiety so you can focus on the task at hand. Easier said than done, I know....

Sounds like she triggered some fear of abandonment?

"stern" and "laid into me" would terrify me and not work. I can understand your anxiety and apprehension about your next session. But any frustration she has is her issue not yours and she needs to keep that in check. In the many many years I have been with my therapist she never makes me feel pressured. I can go and see her and talk about WHATEVER I want to talk about and I can talk about it over and over and over again. And she has told me I can talk about it until I don't need to talk about it anymore. If it takes a few sessions or a few weeks or a year. She says it is my therapy and my time to use as i wish.

I don't think you have to figure it all out on your own in just a few days, do you? How about telling her, "I am in therapy because I have reverted to being self-destructive, and I don't want to be. I don't know why I am doing this but I want to stop. Can you help me with that?" That would be a start, and then together you could explore that issue.

What is the book that she recommended to you?

thanks everyone. I might call her tomorrow she triggered alot of stuff...and Im not sure I can trust her enough to get into anything. Ive been really confused since the appt. I just have my head swirling with fear about going to see her again. I might just call and cancel my appt and have her close my case and start looking for someone else??? I just dont know what to do. then I think I need to go work through this with her. I dont know Im still trying to figure out the issue so that even if I stop seeing her I have it ready for the next one. We'll see.

I vote for you addressing it with her. You will learn a lot more by doing this. Keep us posted?