Is my therapist (or any therapist) capable of giving me the type of support I want?

I have problems such as: "I want to accomplish X" but in order to accomplish X I first to need to accomplish A, B, C and in order to accomplish A, B, C I need to accomplish D, E, F, which I don't know if I can or want to accomplish given my problems.

I have communicated these problems to my therapist but the type of "support" I get from her is along the lines of "it's great that you want to accomplish X" but beyond that she doesn't tell me anything useful. She doesn't tell me how to tackle A, B, C let alone D, E, F.

If I am not mistaken therapists are not supposed to impose their values on their clients, and should let them decide what to do with their lives, but this is getting to the point where I feel stupid asking advice to a person who is unwilling to give it.

Am I missing the point of therapy?

Sometimes my T just listens or praises me for wanting to accomplish something, but doesn't give a ton of input or feedback. Lately I have gotten better at asking questions or telling him I NEED his feedback. A couple of weeks ago, I was doing most of the talking and getting tired of it, so I said "can you just talk for a while?". We both laughed a bit and then he did talk for a while.

Try to ask her specific questions, or ask her for her opinion on a certain subject. Say "what do you think about X, Y, Z?" or "how should I go about doing this?"

Just a suggestion...good luck

No, I don't think you are missing the point of therapy. I believe it is a little more complex than what you stated above.

Maybe your T thinks what you WANT, isn't what you NEED? Have you discussed this?

You may be trying to make it too black and white. Sometimes, you just have to let it flow for a while and see where it takes you. That may be what your T is trying to do with you.

It's hard to say based on what you wrote. Could you give a specific example? I think some therapists are more directive than others. Do you think you would like a therapist who is more directive? Could you ask your T if she could provide more direction, guidance? If you have asked her, what does she say?

My first therapist was not very helpful with a specific big problem I wanted to solve. She did not do or say anything that really helped me move closer to a solution. She did help me become less depressed, but that still left me with the problem. I realized after a while that she was never going to be able to help me. She did not have the skill set (she had no idea how to help). So I quit. Later I went to see a different T and he had a broader skill set and could help. (That is my current T.) I was actually talking to my T today and told him when I first came to see him that I didn't really think he would be able to help me because of my first T. I assumed all Ts would be like her.

I just mention that because maybe there is a different T that can help you if this one can not. I assumed all Ts would have the same abilities, but I was so wrong.

Hi Phoenix,

I guess it depends what you want to get out of therapy - and all therapists (and approaches) are different... and not every type of therapy is right for everyone.

For example, there are therapists who specialise in CBT which is much more about changing your attitudes and behaviours in the here-and-now rather than delving into the past.
There are also "life coaches" (who are not therapists) who help you to achieve goals by making positive moves towards specific objectives.

You are right that most therapists will not offer direct advice/guidance.. (which can be frustrating!) they tend to be more interested in/focussed on what has brought you to the place where you are now, which often involves delving into the past and dealing with painful emotions.

It all depends on what you really want to get out of the therapy. Perhaps you could talk to your T again about the goals you are trying to achieve (within the therapy rather than in your life) and ask her how she thinks she can help you/work with you etc. It might make things clearer? And maybe she can suggest the best way forward or even refer you to someone else?

WG.