[maggyjo]

I have been seeing a therapist for a year and a half for anxiety and depression, and we just seem to keep getting stuck on one thing.

I grew up in an abusive/ alcoholic home. I am unsure of a lot of my past as is my younger sister. What I am not unsure of is that when I was 9yo I acted out on my younger sis and a neighbor boy. They were both 6 at the time.

I feel like a monster for doing this.

I have considered suicide, I can't get over this. I feel the constant need to punish myself.

My therapist tells me I just need to take responsibility that I caused pain and move on. I don't expect to be dissolved of all responsibility, But I can't seem to move on or get past the disgust.

Wondering if I should seek out a new therapist?

Maggy

[Christina86]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I don't know if it's necessary to change therapists unless you think it's something you want to do?

Maybe you need a therapist trained in abuse issues? Or maybe your therapist isn't aware of how much pain this is causing you?

You are/were NEVER/NOT a monster. Not.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by maggyjo

What I am not unsure of is that when I was 9yo I acted out on my younger sis and a neighbor boy. They were both 6 at the time.

Applying the standards that apply to a healthy adult to one who was 9 years old, and stressed from being in a not-healthy family? Even the brain of a 9 year old has not developed fully; you cannot expect them to act as if they are a full adult.

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Applying the standards that apply to a healthy adult to one who was 9 years old, and stressed from being in a not-healthy family? Even the brain of a 9 year old has not developed fully; you cannot expect them to act as if they are a full adult.

Very true. One of my first memories I have as a child is when I tripped my sibling and watched her bleed. When I remember that now I cringe because the act sickens me. But I'm 23 years-old now and not 5 years-old! =)

I say that because, as pachyderm noted, we cannot nor should not hold ourselves as child to our adult standards.

Originally Posted by Christina86

...Maybe you need a therapist trained in abuse issues? Or maybe your therapist isn't aware of how much pain this is causing you?...

If you feel the abuse you suffered has become a major concern for you, then perhaps you should consider finding and seeing a therapist who is trained in abuse issues.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by maggyjo

What I am not unsure of is that when I was 9yo I acted out on my younger sis and a neighbor boy. They were both 6 at the time.

I feel like a monster for doing this.

Have you made amends to your sister? It will take more than one conversation. You were so very young... I hope you will share your remorse with your sister.

Originally Posted by maggyjo

My therapist tells me I just need to take responsibility that I caused pain and move on.

Seems like your sister is an important player here. Maybe you are not moving on because there is more that needs to be done.