[Can't Stop Crying]

In one of my first sessions with T, he told me that he is not a long-term, interpersonal relationship type T...that was almost 7 years ago. He has seen me through so much, it is unbelievable. He never let's me give up no matter how much I want to and he is the person that I have told the most of "my story" to. He knows more about me than absolutely anyone.

In my session on Friday, he admitted that he is more cognitive based than emotions based. Right now emotions are what are destroying me. He didn't say anything bad or that he couldn't help me or anything like that...I'm just wondering if I need him to be something he can't be...

I worry so much about disappointing him. I'm worried I need something he doesn't have to give. Maybe I'm overthinking this...I can't start over, but I can't just leave this stuff where it is.

One of my greatest fears is that he will tell me that he can't help me.

I feel stuck....

[lastyearisblank]

Sorry that t is making you have doubts CSC!

Did he say he is more cognitive based than emotion based like, as a person, or was it that he does cognitive behavioral therapy?

[Can't Stop Crying]

actually both, it his nature and primary training...

[lastyearisblank]

I know it's not even the same thing, but sometimes when talking to my bf, I have noticed he tends to offer concrete solutions and more "cognitive" responses at times when I just want him to listen and . It is just a communication thing. He is rational and I think emotions have reason too. He is practical, whereas I tend to get affected by the symbolism of very random things. We balance each other out but it only works because I am sure that he cares.

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I worry so much about disappointing him. I'm worried I need something he doesn't have to give. Maybe I'm overthinking this...I can't start over, but I can't just leave this stuff where it is.

One of my greatest fears is that he will tell me that he can't help me.

((((((((((((CSC))))))))))))

Can you talk to him about this? I used to live in fear of my T referring me because my issues were "too much" for him, and we had to talk about it A LOT before I really understood and believed that it wasn't going to happen. There were a couple of times when I was REALLY close to going over the edge and I thought there was NO WAY T could handle it, and he would say "we will find a way to work through this together". Even when he didn't know what to do, he trusted that he and I would figure it out.

That was really reassuring to me. It was hard to do therapy with the fear that I was going to be sent away.

It sounds scary to have to be wondering about that right now. And it REALLY sounds like it would be worth spending some time in session figuring out exactly what's going to happen from here. I hope you can get the reassurance that you need.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

In one of my first sessions with T, he told me that he is not a long-term, interpersonal relationship type T...that was almost 7 years ago. He has seen me through so much, it is unbelievable. He never let's me give up no matter how much I want to and he is the person that I have told the most of "my story" to. He knows more about me than absolutely anyone.

In my session on Friday, he admitted that he is more cognitive based than emotions based. Right now emotions are what are destroying me. He didn't say anything bad or that he couldn't help me or anything like that...I'm just wondering if I need him to be something he can't be...

I worry so much about disappointing him. I'm worried I need something he doesn't have to give. Maybe I'm overthinking this...I can't start over, but I can't just leave this stuff where it is.

One of my greatest fears is that he will tell me that he can't help me.

I feel stuck....

he has been with you a long time and i agree with tree maybe if you are able to talk with him he will be able toreassure you that things are ok.
sometimes my T says she isnt able to help me but i think when she says this it is because she is trying to get me to see how i am not letting her help me.

[mixedup_emotions]

Oh, how painful. I can totally understand how upsetting this must be, especially after all you've invested in this relationship. I do hope you find the strength to address this with T so you can get some reassurance.

[lovelygirl]

I agree, it would probably be helpful to talk with your T a bit more about this. Does he mean that he would like to take a more cognitive approach with some of your feeling-states? What would that look like, and would it work for you? And I think it's imperative to tell him the underlying fear of being "sent off" to someone else. The message there that you are "too much to handle" would be very painful. I'm not at all sure that's what he's actually saying, but because you're thinking it and afraid of it, it deserves to be talked about in session. Make sense?

Take good care!

[rainbow8]

This may not be what you want to hear, but after about 7 years I quit my T because she wasn't what I needed. She was behaviorally based and didn't want to explore my past or the child parts of me. She helped me a lot through the years, but I finally realized (she told me too) that she couldn't help me with those issues I wanted to work on. So, I found the T I'm with now, and I am working on the issues that my former T didn't or couldn't address with me. Sometimes a T goes as far as they can with us, and you need someone with a different approach to move forward.

I'm not saying you should quit. I agree with the others that you should talk about it with him. In my case, I knew that it was time to quit; we had been winding down for 2 years already but I didn't want to let go of her until we had a frank discussion of what she could or couldn't give me.

[Chronic]

I also agree with talking to T about this. My T is CBT and most of his clients are in and out of therapy in about 12 sessions. 3 years later and about 100 sessions I am still there and he is still not giving up on me.

Like your T, my T has never given up on me no matter how much I want to give up on myself. Initially his focus was on getting me to complete homework and to concerntrate on actively changing my behaviours every week. It quickly became apparent that my emotions couldnt cope with such a practical approach and I needed him to go slower and to not focus entriely on changing things right now. I needed (and still do) someone to listen and hear me and to be more gentle with me. He still uses the CBT framework but understands that my problems are deep rooted and that I need him to be patient with me and give me more emotional support than most of his other patients.

I would really encourage you to talk to T about how you are feeling.

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

This may not be what you want to hear, but after about 7 years I quit my T because she wasn't what I needed. She was behaviorally based and didn't want to explore my past or the child parts of me. She helped me a lot through the years, but I finally realized (she told me too) that she couldn't help me with those issues I wanted to work on. So, I found the T I'm with now, and I am working on the issues that my former T didn't or couldn't address with me. Sometimes a T goes as far as they can with us, and you need someone with a different approach to move forward.

I'm not saying you should quit. I agree with the others that you should talk about it with him. In my case, I knew that it was time to quit; we had been winding down for 2 years already but I didn't want to let go of her until we had a frank discussion of what she could or couldn't give me.

Rainbow - I completely agree with you. I am so lucky that the first T I called and with whom I'm seeing now is very attentive to my emotional state. In fact she says that I must lean into my emotions and learn from them. At first I was skeptical - I just wanted some clear cut answers on how to solve my behaviors. I'm seeing now that my past has deeply affected how I relate to my current experiences and by acknowledging my past and then noticing my emotions and how they feel in my body, has been quite transformative.

So, CSC, please consider finding another T if this one will not go there with you addressing emotions and your history. I've been reading a few books about this lately. One of them is titled "Molecules of Emotion". I have learned so much and I hope to learn enough to be able to not only change my behavior but to find true authenticity while doing so.

[WePow]

My T is CBT, but he said "I'm not going anywhere."
So I can have him as long as he is a T.
Sometimes a T blends methods in order to be the person they want to be as a T.
They also will grow and change over time. ((They should do this!))

If you feel like you need something that T isn't able to provide, perhaps you should "try out" a few other Ts at the same time. Just to get the feel for your options.
Remember that YOU are the consumer/customer.

[Sannah]

I agree with Tree. This is something to talk to your therapist about. Maybe his comment wasn't really that loaded?

[lastyearisblank]

Remember that YOU are the consumer/customer.

I think we forget this sometimes. 7 years is a really long time, so nobody is going to say "get a new t." Because really that is a long time.

I think what matters is do you feel "gotten"-- all of you-- or does it feel like you have to, I don't know, edit some of it to be understood better.