[sailboat]

Reading something here made me realize that I have not really given T much positive feedback, much more negative actually.
So I'm wondering whether making a list of positive things and giving it to her comes across as kissing *** or whether it's acceptable?

How do you tell your Ts what they do well? do you say anything at all?

Oh, and do you say thank you when leaving every week?

[Marie123]

It isn't necessary to give THEM positive feedback. They are there for you. Being honest is all they expect. It is okay to let them know how they have helped you.

Saying thank you is simply good manners.

[sailboat]

I know I don't have to but T is human. And I criticize her ALL THE TIME.

[sunrise]

My T says a lot of nice things to me, but sometimes I just get tongue-tied when I do it. Like at the end of one session recently, I told him "thank you... for everything" as we were sharing a hug. How unoriginal. But it was heartfelt, and he knows how important he has been to me in changing my life in so many positive ways. So I do try to tell him thanks sometimes and let him know in specific ways how he has helped me, and what worked really well.

I am not nearly as good as telling him what doesn't work or how he could help me better.

sailboat, making the list sounds nice, and I'm sure your T would appreciate reading it, but I think if you could express these things to your T verbally, she would really appreciate it too. It provides a chance for there to be some interaction during the exchange, some additional words, some facial expressions, some tone of voice... Saying your words of appreciation face to face would be a wonderful thank you. You will get more out of it too. And no, telling her these things would not be kissing up!

[Suratji]

I've found myself calling T within an hour after a session and leaving a message expressing how well I think the session went. Sometimes I will give some details. I don't think of doing it during session because we're so wrapped up in ME. But I do say thank you every session while leaving but it doesn't express the depths of my gratitude as much as when I leave a telephone msg.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Saying "Thanks T"

My t is always thrilled to see me applying what he has been teaching me. He considers that his thanks.

[lastyearisblank]

I think talk is a really powerful part of therapy, but therapists know how to use talk- and they watch patients very carefully to see how they try to make the relationship.

The biggest thanks you give your T is being genuinely committed. They want to teach you things, and the best gift can you give a teacher is learning from them. I think every time you show up it is demonstrating your gratitude.

[sailboat]

Thanks guys.
I feel so bad for criticizing her so much and I don't think I've ever said thank you. I'm a very polite person but somehow I just don't know how to say it. "thank you" while walking through the door seems so.. I don't know... like I don't mean it. Like it's just something you say.

I always feel like I give me T too much crap and not enough positive feed back. Though it isn't necessary for you to do, just write T a note. I did that and it brought T to tears. (but good tears)

[onlymedid]

I told my T thanks yesterday for helping me get through the last two days as they were really tough. I told her that with her help, she made me feel much better and gave me some really good tools to use. She said Thank you back at me. I could see the thanks on her face.

[missbelle]

If she works for an agency you could send a little thank you to the agency for her positive help. If she is in practice alone, a thank you card with a few words might be nice

[Perna]

Sometimes when I have an insight or realize something that we have been working on for awhile I will be thankful while we're discussing whatever it is and I'm talking about the insight. "Oh, I'm so glad you worded it that way, now I understand!" or something like that that lets T know that what she said/did, worked :-)

Too, we sometimes review how I was like a year or two before or how we did things then versus how we have done it recently and I can slip in what helped me change and discuss what my thinking was like about her in the past. One of my favorite therapy helps was when I realized that my therapist is always "quiet" and doesn't get upset like I do and the implications of that: either the sky is not falling (like I experience it) or she's crazy But I think just being aware and sharing how the other person's "being" comes across to one is a gift that T's appreciate.

[ECHOES]

I thank her when she does something, like calls me back.
Other times, I am extremely negative.
So, there have been times I have offered something positive and it makes her smile, wondering why I'm feeling a need to be complimentary, if I am feeling a need to get on her 'good side', or making her less scary, etc. It can make me laugh, even when I think she's being too analytical in that moment.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I will often just give my T a very heartfelt "thank you" as I'm leaving her office. I have also emailed her and told her things that she did in session that I appreciated. And, if I have the presence of mind to do so during session, I will tell her immediately if something she's done or said is particularly helpful for me.

[darkrunner]

When my T says the right thing - something that helps make me feel better or gives me hope - I tell her.

[peridot28]

I have never had a therapist like my T. She is one of the smartest and sweetest human beings I know. She has helped me through so much, and I know she loves me and cares a great deal about me and my well being. She is so dedicated to helping me that she sees me twice a week practically for pennies. I was amazed when she told me that she wanted to do that for me. I count it such a major blessing that God honored me by putting her in my life. I said all that to say that I tell her thank you quite often, not because I have to but because I want to. I have my own business where I make lots of things like jewelry, and I'll make her something special as an expression of my gratefulness and appreciation of her total awesomeness. She wears the things I make for her all the time and she loves them, which makes me sooo happy. At the end of our sessions I always say, "Gosh, thank you so much for helping me. I really appreciate it." She says, "You are so very welcome." Then, she gives me a great big hug.

She is just the greatest. I've never gotten angry or upset with her, but I do know that if I were it would be okay to talk to her about it without feeling embarrassed. She's told me that she will probably upset me at some point (not purposely) and I will probably get angry with her, but it would be okay and normal for me to be angry with her, but just be sure that she and I talk about it. My relationship with my T feels sacred and her office is like my little sanctuary from the world. I want to thank her for creating such a healing environment for me, every chance I get.

So, even though they are our T's it's always nice to have someone tell you thank you and let you know you are appreciated. Sorry this post is so long. Zoinks! I'm a chatterbox and can talk for days. :-)

[skeksi]

I give T positive feedback by trying to tell him what works, and why. Like:

"What you said makes me feel less alone with this."
"I feel safer when you say that."
"That makes me feel better."
"I don't feel so anxious now."

I always close each session with a generic 'thank you,' but I think my more specific comments are probably more informative and rewarding for him.

[WePow]

My T knows I am thankful when my check clears.

Seriously, I always give my T feedback on how I feel about sessions. It is in my best interest for him to do what benifits me the most. So I let him know when I am thankful for what he does (like the extra session this week), and I let him know if I am not happy about something.

[peridot28]

Originally Posted by WePow

My T knows I am thankful when my check clears.

Too funny, WePow! :-)

[PTSDlovemycats]

LMAO WePow!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sailboat

I don't think I've ever said thank you. I'm a very polite person but somehow I just don't know how to say it. "thank you" while walking through the door seems so.. I don't know... like I don't mean it. Like it's just something you say.

I think the fact that this is so difficult for you means it's really important to do. Therapy is our place to try out new or challenging behaviors and actions. It is hard for you to thank your T for some reason, so now is your chance to work on that in therapy and do it! You could even talk to your T about how hard this is for you, explore it, and get some support in doing it. Good luck!

[(JD)]

Saying "Thank you" is a good beginning! Also, you can phrase things that T suggested and they worked out for you like, "That suggestion you had helped me" or "I really appreciate..."

If you really feel ashamed (no reason to) about not giving any feedback, then say that... tell T "I know I don't tell you but ..."

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by WePow

My T knows I am thankful when my check clears. .

Originally Posted by peridot28

Too funny, WePow! :-)

Not to make light of this thread, but we all need to laugh sometimes, and this seriously made me laugh!

My T knows I appreciate him when I finally "get" what he's been trying to teach me. I reserve thank you for an extra session or extra support, seems like it means less when it's part of walking out the door (that's how it is for me, anyways)