I know pretty much every topic I start is about my therapists lack of professionalism. But this was really bad today. Our program is for people who have really severe mental illnesses. We're all disabled. We're all on heavy medications and if we lived in any other state we'd be in mental health wards for the remainder of our lives. My issue is PTSD. Most of the patients there cannot drive. I could drive up until last summer when I got diagnosed with narcolepsy and lost my license. I am really independent aside from the other patients. I do my own grocery shopping (despite not driving). Know my medications, research and treat my conditions, and even do all my own caseworking, because apparently I am not good enough for them to help me when I ask. I am not usually this self critical. But that's what it seems like.

Today my psychiatrist threatened to take medical guardianship over me and force me to take medications or enter a psychiatric ward. Because I refused antipsychotics. Anti psychotics are not going to help my possible DID and only make my narcolepsy, much, much worse. Which is accompanied by depression. My psychiatrist and therapist pulled me into a room and after arguing with them, my therapist asked "well what do you think is best?" I told him I already let him know that I needed a trauma specific therapist months ago and I am not budging from asking for that and it was the only thing that was going to help me. He has refused and LIED to me about being able to get one. He told me my insurance didn't cover, and then told me he never asked to begin with and that it would.

So then he says to me in the most childish tone ever. "FINE, WHATEVER, go to a new therapist, but you're going to have to take a cab to get there!" Let me explain this. This team is set to help us with medical and mental illnesses. Meaning if someone needs new glasses or has a dentist appt, or a PCP appt, they take them willingly. It's part of the program. I have never ONCE asked them to take me for glasses, dentist, PCP appts. They only come to my sleep specialist appts, because it's coordinating of care since my meds interact so much on both accounts. Since I've stopped driving I have refused to get new glasses, go to the dentist and the one or two times I went to my PCP I asked my family to take me. I go days without eating if I am unable to get groceries and forfeit all types of services I would be able to get. All because I have such a hard time asking for help from them.

On another note, he knows that I am terrified of cabs as I've talked about this before with him. I live in a rural area and cab drivers are sketchy people who could easily stop alongside a back road and harm you. I am terrified of them. He knows this, but it seemed like he was doing it to harm me. To say "well if you leave me look at your fate!" "We'll help people get to dentist appts, but screw your mental health!"

And it wasn't even so much that I wanted them to help me get to these new T appts. I probably would not have been able to ask anyway. We both know that I am super anti dependent. It was just the point that he was willing to say something so cruel just so I wouldn't go see another therapist. I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship and I can't get out. Most of my friends are married and I have never even had a boyfriend because I fear abusive relationships so much, and the last place I wanted to find it was in a therapist.

[googley]

((((((((Lydia)))))))))))

That sounds absolutely awful and completely unprofessional. I agree that it is abusive for him to talk to you in such a way. Is there someone above him in the program you can report his behavior to? He should not be treating you in such a way.

[Elli-Beth]

I would say this is worth a report, although I know that would be scary given the circumstances. Is there any other way to get a ride, at least for one appt with someone else for a 2nd opinion? Is there any kind of advocate available to run the situation by? (Please don't read these questions as me being critical or anything- I'm just trying to think of ideas)

[lovelygirl]

I'm so sorry this is feeling so painful. The last person you should feel like you have to "duke it out" with (in a bad way) is your T, so I can imagine that this feels especially awful and lonely, trying to sort this out yourself.

If he knows about your fear of cabs and cab drivers and made the comment he made intentionally, that is therapeutically punitive and totally unprofessional. It sounds like you actually have some pretty impressive capabilities around advocating for yourself if you're basically doing a lot of your own casework. I am wondering if it's worthwhile to spend a little time researching possible trauma-specific therapists who accept the coverage you have? Just knowing about those possibilities might help you in your discussions with your current T, and might even make him more amenable to a change since (and this sounds bad, but also not inconsistent with where his priorities might be) he wouldn't have to do the legwork of finding a referral for you. Just a thought--like Elli-Beth, I'm just throwing out ideas.

Please feel free to post again and we'll be happy to brainstorm with you. One last thought--PLEASE don't deprive yourself of primary care, eye care and dental visits because you don't feel worthy! I know that's easier said than done, but your whole health is very important, and other checkups will help keep you well. You deserve this!

Take good care of you--sending safe hugs! LG

[WikidPissah]

I'm sorry you had to endure that. I am not sure if there would be someone of higher authority, or a hotline you can contact to get what you need.

Also, since you advocate so well, why not call a few area T's and ask straight up if they handle PTSD and DID and if they accept your insurance.

I wish you all the care and support you deserve.

~Eileen~

[Dr.Muffin]

gawd, that is awful! is there some impartial authority you can report this to? like an ombudsman or something of that nature. that's a horrible situation to have to deal with

[Sannah]

I can see how this would happen with a pdoc in a program where most of the clients can't function at a high level. They must be used to telling clients what to do? You, however, like you said, are higher functioning and he was getting desperate at controlling what you did. I think that it is okay and that you can work through this. What do you need to do now to get the therapist that you need? Do you want to tell this pdoc that you didn't appreciate how he treated you? Do you think that you can work on allowing the program to help you more? He just said that they wouldn't help you, probably out of desperation, but it probably isn't true.

[sunrise]

Do you have a case manager? If so, are the details of transportation something the case manager could work out for you? Hopefully your CM is more competent and caring than the T. You could also tell the case manager about this T's comment and how it has affected you.

Sometimes people's case manager is the same as their T. If this is the situation, is it possible to ask for reassignment to a new case manager? It would be totally awful to have to continue to have this T as a CM when you are seeing the new trauma T. Sounds like this T might continue to hold a grudge and make life difficult for you, so best to be done with him on all levels, if possible.

Originally Posted by LydiaB

Anti psychotics are not going to help my possible DID and only make my narcolepsy, much, much worse.

Are you also having psychotic symptoms and that is why they want you to take the anti-psychotics? Or are they trying to prescribe anti-psychotics for DID? Is your pdoc treating your narcolepsy?

Originally Posted by googley

((((((((Lydia)))))))))))

That sounds absolutely awful and completely unprofessional. I agree that it is abusive for him to talk to you in such a way. Is there someone above him in the program you can report his behavior to? He should not be treating you in such a way.

I'm really worried about them not believing me. I did talk to my nurse today about it. Who also works with him. She was so shocked to hear that he acted that way and I think most people would be. She believed me. But he's so nice to everyone.

Elli-Beth I would say this is worth a report, although I know that would be scary given the circumstances. Is there any other way to get a ride, at least for one appt with someone else for a 2nd opinion? Is there any kind of advocate available to run the situation by? (Please don't read these questions as me being critical or anything- I'm just trying to think of ideas)

It's okay I don't take it as critical... It's just really hard to "want" to leave. I know that sounds really stupid, but it really is. I can't explain why. I feel like my life would fall apart if I did. I mean he's told me so. And I know I shouldn't believe him. But I really do believe that I could not survive without him. I can't explain why. I wish I could explain it.

lovelygirl and WikidPissah, Dr.Muffin,-

It does feel lonely. But mostly like I stated to Elli-Beth it's a lot harder then just getting a new therapist. There's so much attachment to him, that I wish wasn't there. Even if the psychiatrist allowed me to leave the program and I got a new therapist on my own, because I am very capable of that. There would be so much guilty feelings. For leaving him after he's done so much for me. For just walking away. For allowing him to help me and then just leaving him.

Sannah-

If he didn't mean it, he shouldn't have said it. You shouldn't lie to your clients just so you can have control.

sunrise-

Yah he is my caseworker also. Lucky me. Although we never do caseworking together. Like I said, it wasn't about the transportation so much, as him just being really cruel in general. If I need a ride outside of their office, I can make evening appts and allow my family to take me. They understand I have narcolepsy and I'm not just lazily not taking myself to my appts. It just stung, because he knows that I am A.) anti dependent and can't ask for help and so now that he's said this I will withdraw more. B.) He knows I'm afraid of cabs and C.) that he would any of those things to control a situation.

But thanks everyone for the replies.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I am so sorry that happend. That sounds as if it was absolutely horrible. (((Hugs)))