T's method versus "my" method

Hi everyone. I guess this is silly but it has been running through my head for a few days. I'd appreciate your input on this. Drum-roll: my T's Jungian and I'm not. lol.

I clearly remember I didn't even ask him what his approach was or anything in the first session (my bad. Stupid mistake, I guess). I just didn't think of it atm. It came up later on when I told T I'd been reading a few books and articles on couples therapy because I needed answers and I felt it was helping me. (I've kinda mentioned my separation issues in other posts: my "almost BF" left me a few years ago and my parents have been separated for almost a year). One day, T chose the wrong words when he was explaining an archetype. I felt a little bit attacked although I knew T didn't meant to be rude: he's straightforward but tactful at the same time. T immediately noticed and apologized. He said he hadn't made himself clear. I'm aware it was a little misunderstanding so I don't mind. I feel I can trust T and I'm making a lot of progress. We also have similar views on life, so he doesn't treat me as if I were some "overly sensitive freak who is too young to be feeling like that" (which is something most people do. Not that I need them to feel sorry for me, but they make it all worse). I don't feel like I'm dependent on T either. That's what gets me to my appointments, even though the fact that I need therapy doesn't make me jump up and down with joy. I've had significant ruptures with my 2 or 3 previous Ts and, actually, that's the reason why I didn't stick with them.

My main point is I know I'm not a T and I don't pretend to be, but I've studied and read both at school and on my own because I think psychology is interesting (and I carried on to help myself deal with depression and everything related). T knows this and I think it helps me to make the most out of therapy, which is a big deal since I've always had so much trouble opening up. However, I'm more into methods such as logotherapy (I don't mean to be disrespectful of other methods. I just feel that some of them "sync" with me and others don't). I'm a little scared that this difference might be a source of conflict later on and therefore cause a negative impact on my progress. I don't intend to rush anything, but I've had severe depression for a few years (triggered by the above mentioned "almost BF" issue and pre-existing acute stress) and I feel like it does get unbearable at times. I obviously haven't discussed this with T since I don't want him to take offense or something. I'm just worried.

Thanks everyone.

Do yourself a favor. Don't over intellectualize therapy.

When I'd get in an argument with my T over direction, I would decide to do it T's way because I was there seeing her and she had done "this" before whereas my way did not work for me anymore (which was why I was seeing her :-) In addition, if we did things her way, she could "help" and sort of lead because she knew the way but if we did it my way, she would be clueless and have to follow me and, you know what the bumper sticker says, "Don't follow me, I'm lost!"

Don't forget, too, if things down T's road aren't working? The two of you can decide to try your way; which way to go is not "all or nothing".

What's the worst that could happen doing things T's way? It might take longer, because it's not familiar to you and doesn't feel natural but most of that will be because you'll be learning something new! That's a good thing; having more choices of procedures in the future?

Right, don't over-think this.

A good therapist will be flexible in approach. Even they have a preferred orientation, they'll have a huge toolbox, and they'll find or design something that works for each client. Flexibility and creativity trump theory.

So maybe pay more attention to the emotional match? Are you comfortable with this T; can you be honest with him? Are you two a good fit?

If you two are a good fit, then you will be able to discuss and work through any therapy process issues, and that includes him being Jungian and you not.

-Far

(And besides, logotherapy and Jungian approaches might make for an interesting juxtaposition -- I can see them as sort of complementary. I mean, it's not like you want CBT and he does psychoanalysis!)

Thanks everyone.

Well I learn that it more depends on the T than on the school he is representing. At least if he is a good enough T (pun intended:-)
Also I completely agree with ladyjrnlist. He is the T not you. It is nice that you know the theory but as you say you are not a trained T.Futhernmore I think that even T in times of need go to other T/S to help then.

That's true, anilam. Thanks.

I agree and yet nobody has ever said "don't over emotionalize" therapy, and I can't help raising a little mental note about that in my mind.

Had to google "logotherapy," the link is below if anyone's interested. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logotherapy It was developed by Victor Frankl, a holocaust survivor. Have you read this book, Seshat "Man's Search For Meaning?" My T had actually recommended it during a depressed period.

It's about how in a lot of ways yes war and famine are real, but if people have a sense of some "deeper meaning" in their lives they don't get depressed. (Could this be a common point between his approach and your T's? The deep/spiritual thing?)

I have to admit, I have been with my recent T for 7 mos and I have no clue which approach he has...just that it is working, when all others have failed. There are several reasons for me to walk away, but there is this "connection" thing that keeps me here. I'm definitely not dependent, but I feel like he "gets" me. I will be sure to ask his method, although thinking about it, I think it to be mixed.

I just wanted to say thanks for posting on here Seshat. I don't see many other people on here whose main issue they mention is depression.

I'm not sure whether or not I agree with Ladyjournalist about not overintellectualizing it. It doesn't sound like you intellectualize to the exclusion of other values since you value being able to trust your t. I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking about the theory, and, you said your t thinks it helps. I would think it could help too- at least better than not thinking about it at all.

Anyway, whatever you think about intellectualizing it, based on what you posted, I agreed with what everyone said about sticking with your t since it sounded like you have a good relationship overall. I'm guessing maybe you live in an area where there are lots of t's since in many places there wouldn't be options to choose between t's who use less common theories or methods like the ones you mentioned.

Hi, lastyearisblank. Thanks for replying. I have a relative that suffers from depression as well and she recommended that book. Sadly, I never got around to reading much of it because she ended up needing it for her own therapy. I hope I can borrow it again sometime soon. Well, I'm not a religious person. I'm very respectful of other people's beliefs, though. I do believe the "deeper meaning" has to do with feelings and ethical values. T knows this because he's asked me about it, but I would have told him anyway because it's important. We seem to share core values and that's a relief. That's what's made me stick with him, I guess. I've felt that other T have tried to change my actual personality instead of helping me understand my emotional difficulties (I might be mistaken), and I guess that's were my worries on this issue come from.

Thanks. I feel like he "gets" me too! And I don't even think I'm easy to understand, so that's a big deal to me. I'm glad we've both found Ts that "get" us.


Thank you for your support, learning1! Indeed, I feel that thinking about the theory has helped me communicate with T, since inability to open up is one my main issues.

As far as I know, logotherapy is one of the least common approaches amongst Ts, but, like you said, the fact that I have a good relationship with T sure means a lot to me.

Oh huh! Yeah I think I get that. It's not even negotiable, there has to be this feeling like they could see the issue partly through your eyes.

I've read a ton of psychotherapy books in the past few weeks and one theme keeps presenting itself - that the therapeutic relationship between client and T is the most important element in the healing process. Studies have tried to compare the effectiveness between different treatment modalities but the bond with T is the most essential component to all of them.

I love to read psychology too.
But at one point I had to stop because reading about therapy, and methods, and others' therapy... was interfering with my own personal therapy. I compared and contrasted. I envied other therapies, other therapists, other therapy patients. It worked against me, it worked to keep me disconnected from my own therapy right there in front of me.
It was a way to avoid looking inward.

After taking a long break from reading psychology and therapy books, I can now read them without looking for magic or something better than what I have. I still like to read them, as I always have, but I feel much less intensity about it.

So that is me.

Of course you want to talk to you therapist about what you read and how it strikes you, what you like about what you're reading, why a certain methodology sounds more appealing to you. It could lead to some great discussion!

Hi Seshat,

I myself often get to places in therapy where I think, "oh, but I can't mention this." (Ususally means it is something important). It sounds like the ideal thing to discuss with your T.

I'm going to go against the grain here... I tried working with people that used different approaches with me than I would given what I had read. I wasted 15 years and tons of money. I now have what I needed all along only they are 2 people... I have a systems theory T for the interpersonal stuff I run into and a "body mind" therapist for everything else. T and I only had one "rupture" and it was because she was worried I couldn't afford her. I often get further in a month than I did in the previous 15 years.... and it feels better too.
No one knows you and what you need to heal better than you.

yep

I might give it a try, even though I'm a little scared. I've noticed a few things about the Jungian method have helped me, but I don't feel it suits me "just fine". Thanks!

Mainly, I just want to offer some empathy. I have felt perpetually "out of sync" with therapists. I've always basically just followed their lead. At least, I would think that was what I was doing. Then I would get told after many meetings that I wasn't actually "working" on my issues.

What I asked of my latest therapists is that there be some continuity between sessions. So - like - we decide I have a goal to get these 3 things done between now and the next session. Then, when we meet, we talk about me getting those goals met. I asked my T. to play the role of holding me accountable.

But that fell apart. He wouldn't even refer to the notes of the last time we met. If I lost my notes, then I couldn't remember where we were. It seems to me that each T wants to have each session be a brand new thing, instead of a continuation of a goal oriented process. We basically just look at each other and do - like - shooting the breeze. It has no structure.

I feel like I must not be making any sense to anyone - like - I have these concepts that are peculiar to me.

I can find fault with any theory or "school" of thought regarding therapeutic work. So I am always envisioning something that I synthesized that becomes MY school of thought. It is always somewhat in conflict with the therapists frame of reference.