[anderson]

I wrote here perversely about my abuse and how at times due to my disorder that my past T’s at times supported my abusers to the point that a small group of people were able to hurt me and my son for almost 3 years publicly. I tried many times to get people to hear me but in the end because some of my abusers where in the mental health business here in my town I felt like I did not have a chance of being heard.
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Now that I have an apartment with subsidizing and my social security I am able to pay my bills and support a dog that I am training for service dog work. With her I am able to go out and feel safe again. The people that known how to use my trauma responses to get me to do things that I would not choice to do when we were scared. Have not been able to do so with her besides me.
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All because I have a dog that when we feel scared we hold her to us until that person leaves us alone. (sorry we have DID) For the first time in a long time we have the means to feel safe. We are starting to be able to read each other so now I and sasha are starting to look after each other. I still have people that I know that would not physically hurt us that we call safe people. Because we still have places that we have panic attacks and feel to valurnable with just a service dog in training. But we hope in time that we will feel more safe with her so even if my other alters feel unsafe with someone that we can prevent switching into children alters that can be frightened into doing things that are not safe to keep us more violent abuse.
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One of the hardest things for us is living down a reputation that was built on the lies of these people that used us then taught others to do the same, In the past month an abuser road the public bus. We felt trapped. None of us wanted to be present with him near us. So we started to trauma switch. We made it off the bus, and then went to the dog park to make sure that sasha could take care of her needs before we locked ourselves into our apartment for the night. We had a run in with a mother that left her toddler on the ground and sasha pushed her down trying to get know her. They left and we played with sasha for a while then left when we known for sure that she had taken care of things.
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Needless to say we had a night of horrors and bad dreams. Sasha helped pull us through it. We thought all we had to do was gain our internal safety again but that was not to happen the next thing we known a neighbor came over told us that Sasha was to untrained and that she would help us. To help prove that Sasha was not such a terror we let her take sash to the park to see how she was without us. Because we still could not leave the apartment with out tremors. The long story short she told us one thing then went to the park and backed up the woman that had no problem leaving a young child on the ground with a strange dog. Nor thought of the fact that the dog was still only a large 5 month old puppy.
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I/we are still sitting it straight but what got me is that the part that was feeling so ashamed for what that man did to us finely stood up for all of us. That part of me said what she needed to say to give her freedom and us as a whole the relief of no longer feeling responsible for what others do and say about us. In the course of the events we were able to look at those people say like **** and walk away. Some of my internal parts are still scared but we are able to tell more of the people that scare us to leave us alone. By telling them “Remember Sasha is only 5 months old are you going to be will to try that same BS when she is fully grown.” So many people say she is mean but she is still nothing more then a gentle giant. We choice her for her size and her gentle nature. We call her a rescue surprise because we really do not know what bread mix she is. We were told one thing but she is bigger then what we even imagine at this age for the bread mix that we were told. She just may have a touch of Great Dane in her. Either way it does not matter for she gives us love an acceptance. The one thing that we have not felt from anyone in a long time.
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As to our new T that we still have to see to keep our housing. You all know about safety contracts that some T s uses to keep us from hurting ourselves. Do you think it would be kosher for us to have her do a contract that states what we are safe with and how and where we are to meet her, so that we can start getting to know her and yet not feel so threaten by her. I/ we just wanted to find out has any one else felt scared by past abuse and need the security to feel safe enough to find out if you could feel safe with the new person?

[PTSDlovemycats]

It doesn't sound like a bad idea to me. Bring it up to your T next session and find out your T's thoughts on this.

[lastyearisblank]

What a fantastic idea. I just love that. Yeah, take control, ask to to make a contract with her!

Do you think you could bring your dog with you to some of the sessions? (He doesn't come already?)

[WePow]

(((((Anderson)))))

You have to do what you feel is safe for all your parts. So being very honest with your T is vital. If you need to, allow each part that is old enough to have their own contract with T. That helped me out because it kept each part safe on their own terms. You know what I am saying. BIG HUGS!

I love the idea of asking T for a contract

When T and I were getting into some yucky stuff recently, he and I (and a younger part) wrote out a list of what would make it safe to talk. We literally put EVERYTHING on there that came up that would make it feel safe...including things like "we can tell and T wont tell" and "we can tell and T won't hurt us". I KNOW T won't hurt me...I've been with him for years...but old trauma fears feel very very real and I needed what I needed in order to feel safe. T was very willing to give it to me.

I've learned that I can ask T for ANYTHING. The answer might be "no", but I won't get in trouble or get shamed for asking. And a lot of times, the answer is "yes".

Good job advocating for your Self!

[Elli-Beth]

I trust my T a lot but there are still big things he knows I'm too scared to tell him. So he is very patient with me asking him the same safety questions each session until something inside me will actually "get it". A contract sounds like a good idea! And your dog sounds wonderful! That's exactly why I'm so attached to mine- love and acceptance!

[anderson]

Thank you all so much we have not seen her yet but we glad u all help us feel safer asking for it. sasha does go withus but she still baby, still learning. she helps us out in public but we still to scared being isolated or in private with some people.

[lastyearisblank]

Of course, how difficult that must be.
I really like Sasha for a puppy name btw!