What are your boundaries?

T's have boundaries...

But do you have any?

And if so, does your T respect them?

My T is awesome about respecting my boundaries. No physical contact was the first one. Then he had a silly little habit that scared the heck out of me because it was by coincidence one of my abuser's habits, and as soon as I brought it up, he stopped. When my mutism kicks in, he respects my desire to attempt to let the words come back before he asks me to write so we can move on. We go at MY speed when talking about the heavy issues. And the best is that once in a while when I need a "light day", he's totally cool about just chatting about random fun stuff

Yup, mine too. I told my T right off the bat that I have a very large personal space and I don't enjoy being touched by others. She's always been very careful to give me plenty of space and not touch me. That's really my biggest boundary - space and physical contact.

We always go at my speed in sessions...she's pushed me a little at times, but if I say that I'm not ready to talk about something, or I need to change the subject, my T always respects that. We may come back to it later, but right then, she lets me move on.

Really, any boundary that I've verbalized to my T has been totally respected. I know she's not a mind reader, and I don't expect her to be, so I have to tell her what I need. That can be really hard at times, but I'm learning!

My T has never really tried to cross my boundaries. But at my last session, he was filling in his new address book/billing program on his computer, and he asked my annual income and my SSN. This is not information he needs to know and I think now that he knows I won't give it, he will not ask again. He is also very respectful about what we talk about and if we come up against a topic that I am uncomfortable with, he doesn't force me to talk about it. He lets me get to that topic in my own time. I like that! No other boundary problems with T.

My T has always had great respect for my boundaries. I have a need for personal space and she has always honored that. She is also respectful of my spirituality/my faith and tries to be careful in regard to that, too, in some things she says or suggests.

My T respects my boundaries when I tell her. But they keep changing; they aren't solid. I never thought I wanted hugs, but now I do. Other boundaries are anatomy words I don't want her to say. She also knows we can't be in the bathroom at the same time, but that may change at some point too. She knows I don't want her doing EMDR by tapping on my knees.

Her boundaries changed too. She answered all my emails, then she said she couldn't do it anymore. Everything else seems to stay the same, though.

My T has been great about respecting my boundries. I have an issue with personal space and people not being too close. He has Always kept his distance and when session is over, I can walk to the door without him following me. (Huge issue with people behind me) He also can sence how far to push me and when it's too much (sometime.. ok most times before I know)

My t is thrilled when I use my boundaries and he is very respectful of them.

Hrm. I'm glad you posted this, because I honestly don't know. I'm so worried about her boundaries, I don't guess I've really even considered my own.

I mean, I guess there's confidentiality, but that's kind of a given.

Great, one more thing for me to be confused about, and try to find time to bring up.

Yes I have boundaries, but my therapist would have to cross her's to get to mine, so her crossing them isn't something that I ever even think about.

I also have a big bubble. T is very respectful and gives me my personal space

Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
~ Maya Angelou

Good little article on personal boundaries:

http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=111

In RL I am often willing to work very hard to make sure the interaction feels safe and respectful. In therapy one of my boundaries is never having to feel like I have to "manage" the interaction, or worry something about the T will make them lash out. Those things need to come naturally... Don't know if I'm really even phrasing this right, but it's something that is just SO new...

With my last T, it was more about my respecting his boundaries. He would freak out if we got too close - or if I made an error about other kinds of boundaries. Once he became almost white with rage because I tried to give him a gift.

It got bad enough that I stopped handing him my check, and I would just put it on his desk. I thought it would put him in a better mood if he didn't have to risk touching me, but it didn't seem to help. He was often angry, but I still don't know why. He did once sort of imply that it had nothing to do with me. Oh great, something from outside is parachuting in and disrupting my therapy that I'm paying for. But, oh, since T isn't mad AT ME, then it's all okay!! NOT...

YES YES YES YES YES! You have a lot of insight, lastyear!

That is so right - you shouldn't have to worry about managing the interaction in therapy. Real life is different, we're all managing everything all the time. But in therapy, the burden of being excellent is on the therapist, not on you! My last T had this reversed, and our sessions would sometimes devolve into these really bad, pointless battles of mutual accusation. I would leave feeling like I wasn't a good enough client...so upside down!

I have none, and my Ts boundries are very lenient, as I have realized reading ur posts on here,'
beth

Like Qwerty, I've been so busy thinking about my T's boundaries that I've never even considered whether I have any of my own. Thinking about it now, I don't think that I do. I have boundaries with other people, certainly, but now with my T. I feel safe and comfortable with her, and can't think of anything she would realistically do that would cross a boundary with me. Reading kitten's post about handing T the check, however, got me thinking about handing my T my check. I've felt awkward before about touching T's hand while giving her the check, but not because it crosses MY boundary-- because I'm afraid (probably irrationally) that it might be crossing HER boundary. In fact, I feel that way in general about "accidental" touch. Unlike a hug, it isn't planned, anticipated, asked for or agreed to-- so it feels like "oops, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I hope I didn't invade your personal space." Guess that's my issue, though. Granted, there are also some people I don't want to touch; I guess there are people who are inside my touch bubble and people who are outside of it (T being inside of it).

But, moving away from physical boundaries, I sort of wish my T would push me or challenge me to move beyond my boundaries in terms of what I talk about/work through in therapy. I'm not really sure what my boundaries are-- if there are things I'm avoiding-- but I'd like her to push me to figure them out. But I'm not sure what that would look like. Since I can't picture it, I don't know how to ask for it. If I try, now, to push myself to envision what it would look like, I guess it would be a series of questions-- like shooting questions at me that I've never thought of before and having me answer them on the spot. I feel like that would make me open up more, and eventually hit on a point of resistence-- hit on something I didn't know I needed to talk about. But how do you ask for something like that? Ts don't exactly have a book of insightful, personal questions to read from...