[ballet_girl]

I stopped seeing T about 5 months ago because I'm doing a study abroad program and I posted on here quite a bit at first about having anxieties about only having support through email. But surprisingly things have been going really well and I haven't even felt the need to reach out to her through email. I think having some physical difference from my issues has let me process them.

But since I'm doing so well without her, maybe its not worth paying $125/week to see T when I go back home. But even though I don't feel the NEED for T right now, the thought of coming to a point when I will never see her again is terrifying. Even though I haven't missed seeing her, a big part of it is that I know that she is thinking of me and still cares for me. How will I cope with setbacks when I don't have that anymore? But at the same time it seems silly to only go back to T for that reason...I'm planning to talk to her about it when I get back, but I don't really know if she will be able to give me good advice since ethically she can't tell me that I should stay. So...any advice? How did you (or would you) know when its time to terminate?

[ECHOES]

I don't know. My therapist said I would know when it was time, and that we would talk about it a lot.

Maybe it is something that you have to wait and see what it feels like when you are back and seeing her again. Surviving when we need to is great, but maybe it's possible because it's known that it's temporary.

I think if it was me, I would want to see where exploring this leads when I was back and seeing her again.

[ladyjrnlist]

Everytime I start thinkng I might be ready, something else comes up.
This was only supposed to last a few weeks, I told myself. It's been more than a YEAR!
ARG!
This doesn't really address your question, does it?
My T also said I'll know when I'm ready.

[SoupDragon]

I tried to terminate - think it was the turn and run approach - did it via e-mail and I got told off - that is wasn't appropriate - how am I supposed to know how these things work?

I have struggled with the unfairness of building a relationship with someone so they can know all my secrets and then not being able to see them again once the therapy has finished. But I tell myself:

a) When I am robust enough it won't seem unfair and will seem the natural thing to do
b) Actually being able to deal with the loss of someone so important will I assume be like a sort of bereavement and that too is important to experience in that it will equip me with the strength to deal with tough situations on my own in the future.

Seems so logical / rational....so why does it still fill me with dread and still lead me to put up barriers to getting close to him. Wish my feelings / emotions would catch up with my logical brain.

Oh yes and I thoiught I would be fixed in 6 weeks, but find myself still there more than 12 months later - so I am so with the ARG!!!! of it all.

[lastyearisblank]

If you are doing study abroad I would wait to decide until getting home. It might be that you are done! (If so congratulations). But a lot of people do find they get a little blue after coming home from travelling abroad, not like omg-I-need-therapy-now-depressed, but just a geniune reverse culture shock. I would just wait and see where you are with it, hopefully all your new experiences and broadened horizons can help making that choice.

[Perna]

I don't think therapy is about set backs and whether we're doing well or not in our lives; for me, therapy is working on larger issues we, ourselves, identify and want to work on.

Looking at what you have posted, I think you are probably "doing well" because of the interesting/engrossing study abroad program. But whatever issues you were/are in therapy for aren't just magically "gone", but probably just not what you are focused on. If you don't have time to be "lonely" because you are busy studying, don't have the same types of people "bothering" you as in your life at home, aren't in the same sorts of situations, whatever problems sent you to therapy aren't going to manifest?

For me, therapy made it possible to be more centered and more myself in all situations. I'm more like a gyroscope now and can "right" myself (so no "set backs") when a new or unexpected experience happens into my life. I can deal with would-be triggers effectively so they don't trip me up and leap tall buildings in a single bound.

One doesn't "need" therapy or the therapist, one wants those things in one's life because they are helpful at that time. I terminated when the want and helpfulness was less than the call and wants/needs of my day-to-day "normal" life.