[BlessedRhiannon]

I emailed my T something important last Friday. I was really excited to tell her what I was sharing. Then...after I'd typed the email, I just sat there and stared at it for around 25 minutes, I could NOT hit the send button. So, I added a p.s. to the email and asked why I struggle so much with sending emails to her. Why do I deliberate with filling in the "to" field, why do I spend so much time deciding whether to hit send or discard, why can I not just hit send?! I finally did hit the send button on the email, because I needed to share all this with my T. I spent the rest of the weekend wishing I could recall my email.

My T replied back this morning (she doesn't usually check emails on weekends, and I know that and am fine with it). She told me she was happy for me regarding what I'd shared. She also suggested that we discuss my issues with sending emails in our next session. My T said that the best part is that I do finally hit send, but that she wants to help me not spend so much time agonizing over doing so. What she doesn't know is that more often than not, I don't hit send...I've typed so many emails and then deleted them! So, I guess we'll be discussing this in my next session. That's probably a good thing. I'm grateful to her for her reply and her understanding!

I know WHY I do this, I just don't know how to change the behavior, so hopefully my T can help with that. It's not really an issue with just emailing her, although it's harder for me to send emails to her than most others. I also struggle with posting and replying to posts here on PC, and other forums I belong to. I struggle with making comments on Facebook. Even at work, sometimes replying to emails is a challenge. I feel like I'm bothering other people with emails or posts. I think that no one really wants to know what I think, no one really cares. I spend forever agonizing over what I've written, making sure that no misunderstandings can occur and that everything is clearly worded and that I'm not being too blunt or inconsiderate. I re-read everything a hundred times to make sure there are no typos, and that my post couldn't possibly offend anyone, or my email couldn't possibly get me "in trouble." Even making this post has taken me 20 minutes...and I type 80 words per minute, so it's not that it took a long time to type!

With all that in mind, I wanted to extend an apology to everyone for not replying to many posts. I often type replies and then delete them...no one really wants to hear what I have to say anyways. I read everything, and appreciate everyone else's replies, though.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey hun,

What you have to say is very important and we all appreciate your posts on the boards!

I understand what you mean about emails. I usually type up my "emails" in microsoft word as I am afraid of hitting send or something by accident (stupid when I havent even filled in the "to" button haha!) If I send my T an email , which is rare, I type, delete, reaqd, re-read, delete, type, re-read, re-read, re-read, and then send and worry!! LOL In fact most of the time it just sits as a word document on my comp until I decide its time to delete it lol!

I think it's great that your T is supportive and emailed back in a friendly manner and I really hope the session goes well when you talk about it. Congrats on sharing stuff with your T too!

Remember - what you have to say is just as important and anyone else

[Brighid]

You always have good post, as does everyone else. You know what I do is, I will type out the reply to the post, then go back and edit it a million times so I don't upset anyone. Like, you I feel the same with "who cares what I have to say" BUT the point is...........your thoughts and your feelings ARE just as important and you know what you may provide a perspective or idea that noone has thought of.......helped someone else out from your post, inspired someone......the list is endless. please keep posting back awaaaaaaay from the delete button LOL

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

..no one really wants to hear what I have to say anyways .

Boy, are you wrong there!!!!! I so appreciate your thoughtful reply to the quandary I find myself in. I am grateful you hit the send button.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Thanks Dizgirl, Brighid, and Suratji.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that obsesses over posts and emails!

My T is always awesome when I contact her outside of a session - either by phone or email. She knows how hard it is for me to reach out, and encourages it. She will even sometimes ask me at the end of a session to email her later. It's much easier for me to email when I'm asked to do so. I'm actually kind of looking forward to talking with her about this issue. I didn't really realize how big of a deal it is until I typed it all out for her, then journaled about it as well.

[lastyearisblank]

I have noticed your replies to my threads and always appreciate them.

Hope you get over your fears Blessed Rhi. Posting on PC is a really good way to start. A REALLY, REALLY good way.

You are valued here.

[SpiritRunner]

I too like your replies and appreciate support you have given. You ARE valued!

[WePow]

What you say IS important. No one else can say it! :-)

[love2drum]

I'm new, but already value you, and your honesty. it's so hard to feel the right thing to do.....I totally relate.....

[BlessedRhiannon]

Thanks y'all. I really appreciate all the feedback. I honestly wasn't fishing for validation, but I appreciate it none the less.

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

Thanks Dizgirl, Brighid, and Suratji.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that obsesses over posts and emails!

My T is always awesome when I contact her outside of a session - either by phone or email. She knows how hard it is for me to reach out, and encourages it. She will even sometimes ask me at the end of a session to email her later. It's much easier for me to email when I'm asked to do so. I'm actually kind of looking forward to talking with her about this issue. I didn't really realize how big of a deal it is until I typed it all out for her, then journaled about it as well.

I think it's great that you were able to tell her how you feel about emailing and that she encourages it, she obviously understands and is pleased when you contact her When is your next session?

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

When is your next session?

Thursday afternoon. Kinda wish it was sooner!

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

Thursday afternoon. Kinda wish it was sooner!

Aw I hope it comes around real fast for you hun

[PJango]

thank you for giving me permission to be myself with posts. I'm really new here (day two) and I don't know what to say, who to post to, when to post, cause it always feels like I'm buttin in and all, so thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one reading, posting, deleting!

[ECHOES]

often type replies and then delete them...no one really wants to hear what I have to say anyways.

I do the same thing. I get going typing out a reply, then I stop and say to myself, Oh Whadda You Know, then I delete.

Knowing why but not being able to change anyway. I'm with you there too. Lot's to explore there and I'm glad your T will help you with this.

[rainbow8]

I value your posts too, BR (I hope you don't mind my abbreviating your name that way). I think what you say has always been helpful and I wish you WOULD post more.

I have the opposite problem. When I was younger, I used to proofread everything--I had a lot of pen pals and I wrote many letters. I had to think a lot about what to say and rewrite my letters. There wasn't email, but I used to write letters to my Ts and I'd write them over many times before sending them.

Now, I just write quickly and don't even proofread. I don't want to agonize over my posts on PC; instead I just write what is in my heart and assume that any mistakes will be forgiven. Maybe there should be a middle ground!

I'm glad you're discussing your email issue at your next session!

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I get going typing out a reply, then I stop and say to myself, Oh Whadda You Know, then I delete.

Hey, you're right, what do any of us know? But still, we're having a conversation, we're discussing stuff together, we're trying to work stuff out.

It doesn't mean that each time we post we have to offer something that is the MOST TRUE RELEVANT ABSOLUTE FACT.

We're here to support each other. We grope for answers. We lean on each other. We show our understanding even if we don't think we have the answers.

Everyone's experience is unique and everyone can offer something to the other. I know I value the conversation. And the more who join in, the better. We will not always agree. We will have different opinions. We will put forth opposing arguments. We will change our minds mid-stream.

But hey, isn't that authentic? Isn't it great to just share and share freely and without worry. We don't have to be right. We don't have to be clear. We don't have to put up a good front. We don't have to be something other than what we are.

So, please, everyone - join the conversations. Lean on us and we'll lean on you.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I value your posts too, BR (I hope you don't mind my abbreviating your name that way).[

I don't mind. Y'all can just call me "Rhi" if you want. It's shorter and easier to type!