[WePow]

Still recovering inside from this week. It is hard to think or speak or write.
I really hit a wall emotionally and crashed. But I am still standing and still have a job- my boss really wants me and I want to be there but it all got me.

My only uncle also just passed away tonight. We found out Tuesday he was going but it is hard on my mom since she lost touch with him for years and they couldn't find him. Turns out he was a homeless man with HIV.

Tonight I couldn't even form words for session. Literally! All day was this way to some degree - lol. I can think it but it was stuck in my head and couldn't come out. I was stuttering all over my fool self. Was just like pre-school all over again!

So I go to session and after my T figured out I wasn't forming words much, he got out the sage for me (a Native American medicine tool) But the coolest thing was he got out his guitar and played for me! He plays like I do - odd almost the same chords!! Just playing around with it. But it worked! It helped my brain get some back to the music flow. That is how I learned to not stutter - by talking in a tune flow way. But it was really amazing that he cared enough to do that for me.

I had thought before going that I might just need to walk in and pay him and walk out because it was too late to cancel and I wasn't operational.
I am glad I went though.

I didn't dissociate, that was good. I did have an alter who was in the background talking just to me. She still has a bit of trust issues with T sometimes, but I am trying to ignore that and grow up that part of me. Of course that just makes her hate me sometimes, but what can you do? Teens these day! T almost figured out she was there but she doesn't want anything to do with therapy, so I have left her out of most of things. I think T thinks she just vanished - I hope she does one day.

Well I know I haven't been posting much, so I wanted to let you know the very cool thing my T did to help me. I love my T :-)

[dizgirl2011]

aww Wepow, I am sorry for your loss

And what your therapist did sounds really lovely!!

[learning1]

That's really nice. Wow, a guitar playing therapist .
Sorry about your uncle too

[nannypat]

Sorry for your loss. It sounds like it has been a really tough week.I am glad your T knew just what to do to help you. That must feel really cool. My thoughts are with you.

Music always, always makes me feel better. What a cool gift T gave to you

[Brighid]

Very sorry for your loss Wepow. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[granite1]

wepow i am so sorry for your loss on top of all the stuff you are going on at work.i'm glad your T was able to help you get some of this off your chest and help you relax a bit

[SpiritRunner]

sorry about your loss, too.
but so glad for the lovely thing that your t did for you! many big safe hugs to you!

[Sweetlove]

So very sorry about your uncle, Wepow...my heart goes out to you.

Your session sounds amazing...your T is so cool

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am very glad that T was able to connect with you, when words would not be enough in this situation anyway. He sounds like he was really able to reach and hold your heart for the session. What a beautiful thing. I am so glad you got to be "present" for that.

[Omers]

Hugs WePow

[Oceanwave]

oh (((((WePow))))))

So sorry about your uncle. I hope you are feeling okay.

sorry about your uncle...

glad your t could see what you needed....

does he always keep his guitar in his office?

[Can't Stop Crying]

Sorry about your uncle! Sounds like you have the best T in the world who seems to know just what you need!

[sunrise]

Love the guitar. (((WePow)))

[WePow]

My T does keep his guitar in his office. It is hard because that was my dad's thing. We would practice playing music together for hour and then sing at church. Not that my dad could sing - and I only did back-up. But dad was a primary abuser.

Somehow it was nice to be able to listen to my "new dad" play around and me to know music was safe. When I was a teen, I played my guitar in my room for hours and hours. Even slept with my guitar. My ex-H destroyed the guitar when I left him (bad thing for him because it was a Gibson - before they almost went belly up).

Anyway, It helps me kinda to start seeing music as safe - perhaps. :-)

[Splintered]

Your t sounds great. I'm glad you stayed for your session - I think being with someone who knows us and understands what we're going through is healing, even without any words. I hope through your t playing for you you can start to see music as safe again