When do/should you call your therapist?

I am really bad at calling my therapist when I need to. I think we are going to make some sort of agreement about when I should call, but I was wondering what you all think. I tend to not call nearly enough, and we have been having some safety concerns lately, so we wrote out an agreement about how far things can get with suicidal thoughts, etc. before I really should call. That has been working great because things are really clear, but I also need to be calling outside of times when I am really suicidal and right now that is not so clear. How do you know when you should call your T and when you should just wait for the session?

Can you follow the same process with your T to make an agreement on when you will call outside of the times you are suicidal? It sounds like that process of discussion/agreement worked really well for you before, so it probably would be helpful to you to do it again with this question. It can be so helpful when things are clear.

My T keeps telling me to call, but I kind of want to save it for major emergencies. This is a tough one for me, too. I'm looking forward to reading the responses!

Wow...it's a really hard one for me too. I have called my current T a few times. One time I was in rough shape and he talked to me for over a half hour...when I hung up my cell phone it flashed the call duration and I got so upset that I took up so much of his time. Now I hardly call at all, and many times I should. So I guess I need to hear all the answers too.

I very rarely ring my therapist, I have only done it like 2-3 times in over a year. I don't really like talking on the phone andmy therapist usually sounds kind of cold and distant on the phone and that upsets me, whereas in real life she is kind and supportive most of the time. Sometimes I have decided not to ring because I ask myself if it would make any difference anyway as what I really want in that moment is to talk to her face to face and a phonecall wouldnt really help so I haven't rang.

I think ringing when you think you can't cope and that talking to your therapist will help you from feeling worse is a good time or when you know there is something they can do that would help.

I called my T maybe 5 times in 18 years I saw her (not including initial time to set up appointment or other "technical" considerations) but my absolute favorite, after I "got it" was when I was going to be late to a session and wanted her to know so she didn't have to wonder where I was.

Normally I would have just driven faster or worried about myself and how I hated being late, berating myself for starting out too late, etc. but I finally understood we were a "team" and how what I did and felt could impact our relationship. If your T needs to know something to be on the same page you are, tell her! If you think you might benefit while struggling with something from talking to your T, call her!

However, if there is just the "wanting" of your T (and you don't know what you would do with her if you caught her :-) and you feel you would be devastated if she didn't answer/call back quickly enough, that it would mean she didn't care about you, then you probably should work on those things a bit harder inside yourself and with her in session. Your T is there for sharing information and working together in your struggles; not for "rescuing" you. The trick is being able to see your T as a separate, interested person with "needs" in the relationship too.

It was easier for me to learn to talk to my T when I was in session first, and then I was better able to call her when I needed to because I didn't have to "find" the connection anymore, it was just naturally there in all communication with her and was more often about our work together.

I struggle with when to call my T as well, but I'm learning. I always feel like I might be bugging her, so I don't want to call. Plus, I hate talking on the phone. Several times, I've gone to a session and told her that I'd had a really bad day earlier in the week, and her response is always, "why didn't you call me?" So, using that for a measuring stick, I've now started to call her in similar situations, when I feel like I need a little extra help.

Perhaps at your next session, you could talk to your T about times you've considered calling her and just ask if those would be appropriate times to reach out by phone or not.

In general, I will only call my T if I simply can't cope on my own. Usually that only happens when my anxiety has skyrocketed and I can't bring down the level of anxiety on my own. I called her once because I had to go somewhere, and was so anxious I simply couldn't leave the house...she talked me through it. Otherwise, I tend to email my T. In email, I have said "I'm not sure if I should call or wait 'til the next session or what..." and in those instances, my T will either reply with an email or call me if she thinks it's needed.

I had to laugh at the last conversation I had with my T - it goes to show how much I hate talking on the phone. I had left her a voice mail stating that I needed to reschedule a session, and what times I was available for an appointment, and asked her to call me back. She called me back the next day and our call lasted exactly 23 seconds...long enough for her to say hi, me to say hi and ask her about rescheduling, she offered me a date/time, I said yes, we said bye and that was it! My idea of a perfect phone call!

I have been calling my T a bit more the last few months, where I almost never called the first months I saw her. I thought, if I can survive, I don't need to bother her! However, if self-harm thoughts got really big, if anxiety got really big, I learned that it was OK to call and touch base with her, to get help to be grounded, to get reminders of how I CAN cope well! She is actually pleased I call a little more when I really know I need to.....as opposed to not calling and making a poor choice, coping-wise otherwise!

I find myself calling T at least once every week and leaving a message. The normal call is what I label a "post-op call". I usually feel compelled to share some delayed insight from our session within 24 hours or I'll call to tell her that the session made me feel really really good. I believe strongly that we should let our T's know how much they help us.

T and I have an agreement. I do not want her to return my calls (I only leave messages and she's agreed not to pick up the phone) unless I specifically ask her to.

At the extreme, I've left 5 messages in a week. T asked me how it helps me by leaving messages. I told her that being able to share immediately an 'insightful or emotional moment' is very important to me - that the intensity of the feeling will be lost by the time of the next session. I usually don't spend more than 3 or 4 minutes on phone.

T is really good returning my call if I request it and I've only needed her to call me back 4 times in 4 months.

I believe it's essential to call T when you're in crisis. Do not hesitate!!!!!

I have DID. We call our Ts frequently. We have 2. Primary T and back up T.

Primary T I talk to 2-5x a week in between session.

Back up T is 1-2x a week. (Primary T and back up T work and consult with each other often)

Back up T despises the phone. So do I... But my kids (inner kids) do not. So they call her a lot to re-establish connection. Usually doing this helps intervene reaching a boiling point. Or, sometimes depending on the conversation, causes it to boil over. The joys of the phone

As a T, I've always left it open for my clients to call me. Several had my cell phone number until my agency changed it's policy and stated we could not long utilize this method. I have several clients that will call and leave a message. If they have something they even think about calling about, I ask them to call. Granted, they understand that if it's a crisis I may not get it right away, that I may be out of the office, etc. And if its at that point to utilize our crisis services.

Anyway, my rule of thumb for myself as a client and as a T, if you think you need to call, call. Unless T says otherwise.