it scares me...

How little I know how to choose people who will support me in this journey.

I am feeling braver tonight. Went to T yesterday afternoon. In pain. Still crying. But feeling better.

I opened up about my week. The issues I'm still struggling with (alcohol, SUI thoughts).

Finally brought up how old T treated me. (We have talked about more recent stuff like my exes but not that).

She leaned forward and said, "You have value. You deserve to be treated well. Never let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise."



This was me. Minus the dollar signs.

At the time deep down I knew I wanted to resist her message. It hurt too deep to change my world view that way.

Today I am feeling more peaceful. Almost like part of me has been starving and I'm grateful to be fed. But TOO grateful.

I don't want to hear these messages, that I'm ok the way I am. It's just temporary. I'm paying her to say all this.

It's so scary to accept that these issues are so much bigger than I imagined. It's not going to go away if I earn a certain value or look a certain way or act a certain way. It's deep within.

So scared. Ah, so so scared.

Because THAT would take a lot of work to change.

I am very confused right now.

I hear what you are saying, and totally get it. I'll tell you the same thing I try to remind myself of: Treat yourself the same way you would treat someone else You deserve not less of yourself. The other good thing I like to recall is: The least you can do is "show up for yourself, everyday".
Hope this helps? I need constant reassurance....

You DO have value!!! So maybe the dollar sign fits because she is telling you that you have value but there is something inside you that doesn't agree or see that.

BIG hugs to you!

LYIB - just know you're not alone. There are people in the world you can trust. And I do believe that no issue is too large to be unsolvable.

You DO have value. You DO deserve to be treated well! (((((((lyib)))))))) And whether or not you are paying T to say those things, she can still say them and mean them from the heart....
You can learn to trust, there are people worth trusting, who will see your value and treat you as you deserve. It's been hard for me to learn this lesson, too, but I AM learning!

LYIB - are you ok?

I am well.

Just wanted to check in! I'm not tanking or anything. Everything is good. I had forgotten how comforting that after-therapy affect is. Better than 3 meals a day and 8 hours of sleep. I feel peaceful.

Suratji- Just to respond to the question about "what issues?", I think in a way it is just difficult learning to love oneself. Why do we need to love ourselves? I don't know but this is a kind of new thing I'm trying.

I am not sure my T can teach me how to do it but it is so important. It is at the bottom of my issues and many if not most issues (maybe). I just keep on thinking of that phrase "love is blind." I'm not sure I love myself. And that is not something a T can give me. So really I'm stumbling in the dark here.

But I also believe that with every breath we take and every moment of our lives we are still learning. I am hoping my T can teach me something..... that she doesn't know how to do. To love me!! How crazy is that.

hmmm - I'm glad I'm not trying to learn that. I've got enough other issues. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

I am trying to learn that too. I guess I've got a lot to unlearn first though that has been with me for all my life. I hope somebody can teach us!

I am glad that you are glad. But I still think it's worth learning how to do for the most part, I'm not talking like people who love themselves too much, but a good part of people on pc could stand to be easier on themselves. Not naming any names.

((Nannypat)) that's just the crazy part! I don't think anyone can teach us... just "help us know," if that difference makes sense? I'm trying to think (I'm a teacher) how I would teach my students a subject I don't know, they don't know, there's no textbook.... could I do it? Yup. But it would be very different from regular learning!

I am a retired teacher!

How funny!!!!!!!!! Wow that's great nannypat. What am telling you for then! You already know!!! hehe...