[rainbow8]

Sorry to start another thread but it's not about the EMDR; it's about things that left an impression and/or bothered me. I just want to write them out.

1. I heard her laughing with the client before me right before they came out. That never happened before. She doesn't laugh with me.

2. She asked permission to eat a piece of candy during the session. Candy that she has in her office. I don't eat that kind of candy. Of course I said it was fine.

3. She mentioned something about one of her children at the end of my session when she said she had to leave. It was half an hour past the time it should have ended, but she went over to finish the EMDR, which was nice of her.

4. She left before me but I saw her in the parking lot and she said she wanted to hug me. During the session, I said I wanted a hug but we didn't.

5. I noticed how incredibly thin she is--again. I know nothing is wrong, but it concerns me.

6. She's not sure if I need meds or not but gave me the name of the pdoc.

7. What I said during EMDR seemed more important to her than to me.

I don't know what all the above means and don't expect anyone else to. Maybe I'm not used to her caring so much and I don't trust it. Maybe I'm protecting my brother. She knows I love him.

[ballet_girl]

I feel that you've just written the exact things that my T does! Except for number 2 and number 4. Maybe we have the same one lol. I don't really know what to say...the things that bother me about my T I try to remember are small things. Except for when things are more important to her than me...that annoys the crap out of me for some reason.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Rainbow...... I don't have anything brilliant to say, I just wanted to give you a hug if you are in need of one. This sounds hard.

[swimmergirl]

I just wanted to say that it is obvious to me you are taking your therapy seriously if you are thinking about it this much and paying so much attention to detail. That is really good. I think you are looking for something............I don't know what............maybe if you can trust her? If she has your best intentions at heart? Maybe waiting to see if she slips up so you can discredit her? I'm not sure but you are looking for something and when you find out what that is, talk to her about it so you can move forward. Big hugs to you well. You are dealing with some way hard stuff. Be gentle on yourself.

[SpiritRunner]

you DID pay a lot of attention to detail! you are very observant......
I notice my T says things to clients before and after me that she doesn't say to me.......sometimes i feel slightly perturbed. But she deals with me the way that is right to deal with me and says the things that are right for me and right for our relationship.....
I don't have any other great words.....but just some hugs and the advice to be gentle with yourself, just breathe, just be, let it be.......

[online user]

Sometimes I have shared a laugh with a T...but usually not, especially if we are dealing with heavy subject matter. I wouldn't think anything of that--that person might have been in therapy for YEARS to get to that point. If you are just starting out, I wouldn't expect it.

She may have been hungry, with sessions back to back...or, being so thin, she might be a type 1 diabetic and needed the candy to correct her blood sugar if it were going too low. I wouldn't think anything of this--she was polite to ask permission.

She probably mentioned the child to let you know of her need for rushing out, even though your session ran over in time. Again, I wouldn't think anything of that, except she wanted to make you feel like your time with her was important to her.

I think the parking lot hug was to make sure she was taking care of all of your needs and didn't forget you had wanted one earlier. Give her another A-OK on this front. You may have been in the middle of something earlier, and she put it off till later, but didn't have any problem responding to a need for a hug.

It was great she gave you the name of a pdoc so you could check out the meds issue. I'll bet she is healthy too. Some really thin people are--they just exercise a lot and watch what they eat.

She sounds very nice to me.

It's pretty standard for a therapist to ask a client if it's okay if they eat or drink something during the session (actually shouldn't be doing either). The reason for asking is that for many people eating or drinking sounds are distracting or anxiety producing. The other thing is that eating/drinking actually take the Therapist's attention away from the client. That said, I have no problem if my T sips a coffee or water. I wouldn't be too keen if she ate her lunch during my session. That said, I had a supervisor once who ate his lunch during my supervision time and that used to bug the heck out of me The sight of crumbs in his beard was not pleasant!

Seems like you're pretty observant, rainbow, and that's a good thing in a therapeutic relationship. As my therapist would say, "More grist for the mill!" You've got lots of great subjects to talk to your therapist about. It's all relevant!

[granite1]

1 i know sometimes my T will try to make small talk or laugh at something before i leave just to see if i'm ok it doesnt mean that she is more comfortable with me or likes me better than others.believe me i'm not her fav.i would try not to read to much into that i know it is hard not to

2.now that is strange but i think i would be glad she asked because i would think she would be more intrested in the candy than what i was saying

3.did this make you feel like you were intruding on her life.i know it is hard for you to deal with personal stuff about her.

4.she is so cool next time see if you can ask for a hug if you want one.maybe you will be able to get use to it and have it not be such a big deal

6.i dont think it would hurt to meet with prodoc,my other T wanted me on meds and i met with the guy to see what he had to say and then declined .he wasnt going to push it

7 i really do think you minimise what you went through.i bet this is why your t seems to think it more important.

i know it is a lot that went on in your last session and wanting to send many hugsi think you are doing great talking about things that happened to you

[maggyjo]

You are very observant.

I wouldn't worry about the Pdoc thing, I think she is just looking out for you. You still are in control as to whether you go or even take meds.

I wish I could be more observant during T and about T, But usually I am to anxious to notice anything.

Maggy Jo

[rainbow8]

These replies have been interesting! I always pay attention to what my T says and does, especially when it doesn't have to do directly with my therapy. I remember almost everything she ever said about herself or her family. I think that's due to my BPD diagnosis.

I think my general feeling about my list is that my T is so different from the others I had. She doesn't hide much from me. If she's tired, she says so. If she's cold, she'll ask if she can turn off the fan. If she wants to tell me something about her family, she does. If she wants to tell me she likes me, she does. She doesn't act superior to me. I like that but I'm not totally used to it.

ballet_girl: thanks! The things I wrote don't annoy me; I'm just thinking about them. Hmm....same T? You never know!

SAWE: Thanks for the hug. I gave the wrong idea about this list, though. I'm pondering these things more than being bothered--not quite bothered by most.

swimmergirl: You're very perceptive! Maybe I'm looking to see where the trap is! My T is going to disappoint me and already has. She's too human, and I have to accept that.

poetgirl: Her laughing with the other client doesn't bother as much now that a few days have gone by. She gives me so much. Why shouldn't she have the same with other clients? I wish I were her only client but I'm glad that the others have her too. Thanks for replying.

online user: She's not diabetic; she would have told me because I'm borderline diabetic. She said her throat was dry. I thought it was nicde of her to ask me first! She's offered me nuts once, and tea, which I've had, many times.

Her child is a teenager, and in this case, she was disclosing something to me, almost asking for advice it seemed. I've had teenagers! I just told her how my kids were. I could have asked her more. It was weird, but not out of character for her. She's mentioned her kids when it's relevant to me, but this time it was about HER and her daughter, not me. I'm not worried about boundaries; it was just different.

It does bother me that all of her could fit into about half of me!! I'm overweight but not terribly. It's hard to look at someone that thin. I did ask her early in therapy and she said she's fine, and she eats. Yes, she's more than nice. She's the greatest!!!!

jaybird: Everyone thinks I'm observant. That's what is so curious about the replies to this thread. Do you mean most of you wouldn't notice these things about your T?????

granite: thank you for your detailed response to my list.
#3: I felt it odd, that she was acting a little unprofessional, maybe. She's awfully real with me, which I like, but I want her to be the leader. We're more like partners, but with this EMDR stuff we're doing now, she definitely is in charge. I went through the teenage stage so I think she genuinely wanted my advice, but I didn't give it.
#4: Believe it or not, I ask her for hugs or to hold my hand without hesitating now!! I'd never thought I could do that in a million years!!!!
#7: I'm all mixed up about those incidents and what they mean. You're probably right, or else why would I have the issues I do today, after so many years?

maggyjo: I'm always anxious, but I'm aware of the little things my T does, how she looks, what she says that's not directly about therapy, etc.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey Rainbow,

When I read number 1 I thought that perhaps you felt upset by this or rejected in some way. Would you like her to laugh with you?

From the other comments it sounded like your therapist was in a more easy going lighter type mood that usual? Perhaps acting more casually and not as strict with trying to be boundaried and professional in a sense? Hense why she decided to have a piece of candy, go overtime to help, offer a hug in the car park?

It can be odd when therapists act differently, although thankfullt most of your points are positive.