[KazzaX]

So I need to focus on sitting with feelings if anything is to change. I notice no matter which therapy I take, this thing keeps coming up. So its obviously important in my recovery.

I discussed it with you guys in my last post, and clarified it with my therapist, and it turns out the difference between "wallowing in it" and "sitting with it" is that wallowing includes thinking judgemental thoughts. So I am trying to sit with these emotions and not judge them and aaaaaaaah, it feels HORRIBLE. And even that is a judgemental thought right there so I'm starting off pretty slow... hahaha

I've been doing this for 3 weeks now. We touched on some rough subjects in one session, then by the next weekly session "Sitting with it" had made me get worse and worse and when I got to my next session my defenses were out in full form and I basically wrote off the session. I'm not very happy with my behaviour but i could not change it, I tried hard. Now the T isn't there for another 2 weeks and, assuming she will have me back after that 2 weeks (which she may not), I want to have done a bit of work in the mean time.

But yeah I'm kinda curious if its going to take years to get used to this sitting with things, thing. I mean 3 weeks and my depression symptoms have gotten a lot worse... is it a "Things get worse before they get better" type situation? (I don't mean will my depression go away, I just mean will the "sitting with it" thing start to work? apparntly if you sit with things for long enough you become numb to them). Does it take years to become numb to things? And I Really suck at non judgemental thinking. It just doesn't seem possible. I mean we are all raised to be judgemental, i don't seem to be able to just "Turn it off" like all those books suggest. Any tips there?

[zooropa]

gosh, this is a hard one for me, too. It is so, so easy to cross that line between accepting emotions and wallowing in them. I have a hard time with that. And, like you, I know that learning that skill is vital to my recovery.

[KazzaX]

Yeah it is definitely a toughie, thats for sure

And I just reread my post and it says "I really suck at judgemental thinking" - that is pretty funny because of the irony lol.

[zooropa]

LOL, I didn't catch that. Funny.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

It can be extremely uncomfortable to sit in feelings, esp. without judging them.

for me, esp an American, I am trained to do, do , do, and act act act and just sitting and being, man, I have to get sick or something has to happen to incapacitate me in order for me to face some stuff.

Or if that happens, I shut down or try to escape some other way.

It's hard.

I am learning in my recovery process about sitting in feelings.

Improving SLOWLY.

Billi

[KazzaX]

Yeah I can relate to that. True. I just find its really hard to sit with stuff and not judge. Then I judge the fact that I'm judging and uhg haha
Maybe I just need to practise more and for longer. Sounds a bit like a long term skill.

[ECHOES]

It is hard. And judging it is a way to deflect thinking about it because judging is dismissive.
Judging is my defense and a hard one. Even the judging, I need to allow it to come, then send it off again and not let that be the end of my sitting with the feelings or thinking about them.

[Perna]

It's a different way of being that you are learning and takes time to learn and practice.

I found that adding a little of my own humor, talking to the "bad" feelings, "begging" them to leave me alone, threatening them, just picking them up and handling them a bit like they're an evil "thing" but with facets I wanted to get to know each side of, helped me. Make comparisons of other times you felt "this" way, etc. The feeling is a feeling, it's a "thing" of a sort, when my T explained that feelings are like weather, come and go, it made it a little easier on me to sit with them as I knew eventually they would pass.

The trick is realizing they are not "you" they are something else, like a thought. When you look at your cat, you think, "cat". Do the same with the sadness, pain, confusion. It is itself, not you, and you can bear it like you can bear thunderstorms when you wanted to go on a picnic. There will be other picnics, the thunderstorm will depart and you will do the "next" thing/event.

I have found that a little book by Pema Chodron, Taking the Leap, has several simple mindfulness exercises and a whole lot of good information and anecdotes on this topic. I don't think she uses the term 'sitting with feelings", I think her term might be how to recognize you are "hooked" and how to learn to stay with "uneasiness" that is typically generated from "an ancient habitual response."

Anne

[KazzaX]

Thanks for the responses guys, very helpful. I will check out that book 3rdTimesTheCharm.. sounds like a good one! And Perna I will try out all those things you mentioned - they definitely sound handy and Id like to give those a crack.

And ECHOES you got it right on the mark there - I have always (up until not long ago) used Intellectualization in all aspects of my life to get rid of the emotion. And I'm talking 25 years. So I think the judging thing goes along with that - they both are used to avoid things, avoidance defence mechanisms. It helps a bit to know why (in general) i have these things there, I dunno why but it seems to.

Thanks guys!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by KazzaX

Yeah I can relate to that. True. I just find its really hard to sit with stuff and not judge. Then I judge the fact that I'm judging and uhg haha
Maybe I just need to practise more and for longer. Sounds a bit like a long term skill.

lol

Then I have to stop judging the judging and so on. Practice, practice, practice---how badly do I want to deal with this?

It can be done.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

It is hard. And judging it is a way to deflect thinking about it because judging is dismissive.
Judging is my defense and a hard one. Even the judging, I need to allow it to come, then send it off again and not let that be the end of my sitting with the feelings or thinking about them.

It is definitely easier to judge.

Billi

[KazzaX]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

lol

Then I have to stop judging the judging and so on. Practice, practice, practice---how badly do I want to deal with this?

It can be done.

Billi

That is exactly it!! hahah

Gotta practise and stop that.

[ECHOES]

I just wanted to add that all of Pema Chodron's books are wonderful to read. Not only does she have very interesting things to say, her writing style is a kind of calm thinking. Calming and intellectually stimulating at the same time. I have several and I like to have them available to pick up and read whenever.

[KazzaX]

I'll have to look into Pema Chodron's books. Thanks! Calming and intellectually stimulating would be great.