[peaches100]

I want to ask you guys to imagine this scenario:

A woman plans to meet with an old friend from school that she hasn't kept in touch with much (and hasn't seen) in the last 40 years. So she creates 3-ring notebook, where she puts pictures and mementos about her life and the things she's been involved in during her retirement.

At the front of the book are pictures of many, many crafts she has made for particular church/group craft fairs and fund drives, and also pictures of the quilt she made that won an award. She also placed pictures of her last 3 houses she has lived in, with the gardens that she kept. She included pictures of herself at various events for the many clubs that she belongs to. She included pictures of herself singing in the three different music groups she is in, as well as the church choir. Also in the notebook she placed programs from the plays and musicals that she was in. She put in a few pictures of family. She also included newspaper clippings that mention her name and the groups/performances she has been in. The book ends with a “Volunteer of the Year” award.

Would you consider this like a scrapbook that somebody would put together to show friends and family? Does it seem appropriate to show her old school friend? Or does it seem too self-involved?

[Sannah]

Pretty self congratulating. This women is very in love with herself.

[Perna]

I think one should meet and talk with the old school friend, see how the relationship is now; perhaps in making such a book, the person is anxious about the meeting, wants a "prop" so she doesn't have to be disappointed in the friend or find the friend is not interested in her? It can be hard to talk to people one knew so long ago. I remember my 30th and 40th high school reunions and how difficult those were for me.

I had a friend when I was 5, 6, 7, and 8 and then I moved away until my junior year of high school, came back and met up with this very best friend I'd had and she did not remember anything about our childhood and wasn't interested in that, she had grown up to be someone else whom I wouldn't have been (did not become) friends with at that time.

[BlessedRhiannon]

As a personal scrapbook...it's fine. As something to show old friends to "catch them up" on her life....it's a little self-involved, I think. Personally, I'd be a little irked if an old friend thumped something like that in front of me. Now, if that same old friend was talking about the quilt she made, and I said "oh, I wish I could have seen that," then it's appropriate for the friend to say "I've got a picture in my scrapbook if you want to see it." Otherwise, it just kinda screams..."Look at ME! Look what I've done! Nothing you can do could possibly compare. Look how awesome I am!"

It's totally cool to keep that kind of stuff for yourself (general "you" here), you're proud of your achievements, and it's awesome to keep a scrapbook of them and have them to look back on. Showing someone else...only cool if they ask.

I've got dog show ribbons hanging in my house...I don't drag every visitor over to see them...if someone asks, I'll talk about them, but not everyone else is interested in it.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

......Personally, I'd be a little irked if an old friend thumped something like that in front of me.

irked? I would feel totally one upped, maybe even if I had left my Oscar and my Nobel prize out in the car...

maybe the old friend is remembered as the kind who actually would have an Oscar and a Nobel by now - in that case preparing such a scrapbook might be made in a spiriti of self defense.
Depends on the relationship I guess.......

[peaches100]

Thanks for your expressions, everybody. It has helped me to look at the situation in different ways.

I didn't say, but the person who put together the notebook is my mom, and she prepared it to show her old school friend when they meet later this summer.

I know that when i first looked through it, my immediate reaction was "Wow! My mom is amazing! I can't believe how successful she has been and how talented. . .how much she has accomplished in her life."

Then, I may have felt a sort of sinking feeling, as i thought to myself how my life doesn't begin to compare to hers!! Even though i have a 28-year marriage, own a house, have had full-time job for 25 years, some college, and do volunteer ministry work. . .my folks don't view me as being successful at all!! My dad called me "lazy" a few years ago when telling me i should have gone to college earlier and done things like my sister. It is true that my sister has a bigger, newer house; a degree which i don't have; and makes much more money in her job. So i don't compare with her at all either. Both she and my mom are like "superwomen."

The truth is, i put more value on spiritual things than material things anyway. I feel happy enough with my situation in life most of the time. But it bothers me that because i don't "excel" that my parents are disappointed in me. I think they said once that I "haven't lived up to my potential." But they disrespect my religion and the goals i have connected with it (one of the goals is to be content with "sustenance and covering" and to "store up riches in heaven, not on earth)." They measure success by what you have materially and how much money you make, and in those things, i just don't measure up to their expectations. It makes me sad. I know that i could probably have their approval if i changed my life goals, but i don't want to do that. I have to live the way that is right for me. I just get to feeling bad about myself when i know that they aren't happy with what i do. . .

[granite1]

peaches you are an amazing person.you have helped so many here.i don't ever see you as needing to point out you accomplishments to anyone but to yourself so that you can see who you are as a worthwhile person to your community and yourself.i think everyone here knows this .just saying!!!!!!

[peaches100]

Thanks, Granite! That gave me a warm fuzzy in my heart.

[peaches100]

OK. . .feeling kind of bad to bring up my mom's faults. So just want to say. . .

They are in town right now visiting from out of town. We went shopping yesterday, and today are going to a nursery to look at plants. This part is fun and good.

[peaches100]

I think I have a really hard time cognitively trying to understand that people do good things and bad things both.

It's like i have a hard time seeing gray areas. I keep wanting to understand things as "one way" or "the other."

[Sannah]

Since your parents don't have a meaningful relationship with you I can see how they would focus on superficial, unimportant things. You know that meaningful relationships are more important. Don't forget that.

Maybe you have a hard time seeing both the good and bad because you refuse to validate the bad?