As many of you know, things have been looking UP for me lately. I really have some great things to talk about with my therapist tomorrow. But you know what? Now that I am less than 24 hours away from my session, I am feeling my anxiety soaring! When I think about going, I cry. I don't get this at all. There is no reason for me to be crying or anxious this time!

I have the feeling that I will go into my session and feel overwhelmed with emotions and not be able to talk. Lately, when that happens, I will tell her, "Just give me a minute, I can do this." Then I sit there and try to compose myself. I have been able to push through and have a fabulous session.

But, everytime I get ready to go, I feel sick. My heart starts pounding out of my chest and I have trouble breathing. Panic? Yep, it is panic. The reason? I have no idea!

If you remember, last week I was in Walmart and out of nowhere, the anxiety hit me and I started to melt down right there in the store! I called my husband and he was somewhat baffled. I was fine when I left home, but within 30 minutes I was a mess. Talking with him helped me get grounded, but I still had to work through the anxiety when I got to my session.

I will be so glad when I can walk into a session and not feel this way.

[Elli-Beth]

Keep holding on, Squiggles! I've been way more worried and weepy than usual, too, but my T just keeps helping me through and says it's all on my time frame, no one else's. So maybe the weeping/worried stage is just what your heart needs to pass through to get to the next, more happy/healthy stage?

[rainbow_rose]

Squiggle, I wish I had an answer for you. The same exact thing happens to me. I have this app on my phone that you can measure your heart rate. A few days before my session, it was about 78 ... the morning I was getting ready for my session, it was up to 86. After I walked in to the building where my session was it was up 115! I don't get it either!

I offer you lots of hugs and support!!! {{{{Squiggle}}}}

[WePow]

(((((((Squiggle)))))))

You can do it. Just go in with your heart in your hands and ask T to be gentle.

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( Squiggle ))))

I can very much relate to this....the anxiety, panic, tears, etc....I think, for me, it's about being in protection mode so much of the time - and then knowing that when I see T, it's time to let go of that protective armor and let my feelings come to the surface....which I work so hard to suppress....It's scary.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

(((( Squiggle ))))

I can very much relate to this....the anxiety, panic, tears, etc....I think, for me, it's about being in protection mode so much of the time - and then knowing that when I see T, it's time to let go of that protective armor and let my feelings come to the surface....which I work so hard to suppress....It's scary.

I wish I knew how to stop this, but I don't. I am a nervous wreck thinking about my appointment today The crying has already started. I don't even know what I am crying about!

[rainbow_rose]

I hate that feeling...

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I wish I knew how to stop this, but I don't. I am a nervous wreck thinking about my appointment today The crying has already started. I don't even know what I am crying about!

Oooh, I totally get this too....not knowing what it's about....Can you try to allow yourself to accept it...and express it...There have been countless times that I've walked into T's office in full-blown-panic mode without having a clue about what it's about....It's my body trying to tell me something in a language that my brain can't understand....T wants me to feel it...really really feel it....and allow us to work towards figuring it out....He doesn't want me to fight it or try to stop it....

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Oooh, I totally get this too....not knowing what it's about....Can you try to allow yourself to accept it...and express it...There have been countless times that I've walked into T's office in full-blown-panic mode without having a clue about what it's about....It's my body trying to tell me something in a language that my brain can't understand....T wants me to feel it...really really feel it....and allow us to work towards figuring it out....He doesn't want me to fight it or try to stop it....

It is so embarrassing to me when I walk in her office like this. I feel like she thinks I am being a drama queen. I am not a drama queen at all in RL. Not anything near that! I am the one who seems to stay in control at all times in the public eye.

I want to be in control in my sessions, but that is not working!

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

It is so embarrassing to me when I walk in her office like this. I feel like she thinks I am being a drama queen. I am not a drama queen at all in RL. Not anything near that! I am the one who seems to stay in control at all times in the public eye.

I want to be in control in my sessions, but that is not working!

I think having these emotions is really really good. Being in control is not all it's cracked up to be. We ARE our emotions and going to therapy is allowing us to get to know ourselves. If we go into session just being calm and analytical, we will make very slow progress in self-awareness and growth.

[dizgirl2011]

I really hope today's session goes well for you squiggles

If you can maybe put some calming or enjoyable music in your car, take a nice drink, make sure you have nothing you need to do between leaving your house and going to T. Arrive at therapy a few minutes early and take that time to concintrate on your breathing and maybe think of how great the positive sessions have been! (((((huge hugs sqiuggles)))))

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

If you can maybe put some calming or enjoyable music in your car, take a nice drink, make sure you have nothing you need to do between leaving your house and going to T. Arrive at therapy a few minutes early and take that time to concintrate on your breathing and maybe think of how great the positive sessions have been! (((((huge hugs sqiuggles)))))

Dizgirl has is a good point! - I try to arrive about 30 to 20 minutes early - listen to classical music on my walkman and do something self-soothing, like coloring or knitting. It give me something to focus on and brings my anxiety level down a bit before she come to get me in the waiting room.

to you, Squiggle. Hope your session went ok.

[ECHOES]

Even "UP" things make us anxious: Wedding, buying home, becoming a parent, etc.

I have those times too. I don't know if I don't trust the good feelings to last, if I feel some shame for the good feelings and intimacy, if I want more intimacy and it feels impossible, etc.
Or, as my therapist would smile and say.. maybe all of those things.

My session was fabulous! Will get back in here and post about it later. Not sure if I will post in this thread or one of my others. Thanks for your support.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Looking forward to hearing about it Squiggle! I'm glad that it went well!

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

My session was fabulous! Will get back in here and post about it later. Not sure if I will post in this thread or one of my others. Thanks for your support.

awesome! can't wait to hear!

I posted my session under "Wow, you won't believe this!"