[Sanada]

I write this as a question,and as an observation.
What do you and I expect from a T, or Doc or Pdoc.

This first part is based entirely upon personal self experience and from common sense and pure logic.


OK, personally I would expect from a T.......

.- A trust that is exclusive to my case.
.- An understanding of what the T knows about my case (e.g, the T doing 'their' homework, regarding my personal case).
.- The T to know what is best, even if I disagree.
.- The T to give me faith that I am not different to all others (esp a T).
.- The T to know, there is no difference in-between us, total equality (myself and T)

I would the T to expect from myself.

.- My honesty in myself, that the T is right for myself.
.- My honesty that I need help from the T so I would give due respect (e.g doing my homework upon what is expected of myself).
.- That the T is aware, that 'I' also know what's best for me to.
.- I give my T the same equality that I expect from my T to myself (my T is not an alien).

This is just what I would expect from a code of conduct from a T.
I base it on my personal expectations of what to expect.

Any others who read this please post what you expect from a T, and what a T would expect from you, but in you're own eyes..... Just the basics..thanks.

This is a kinda marker to see how far off the mark i 'may be'.....the list i have wrote is only my own personal expectations.
Entirely subjective.

[Mediator]

HI Sanada
I think a good T does not expect from you anything. He knows that he can only help you and nothing more and all staff you write is up to you.
What you expect from a T
Sanada do not expect a lot from a T. But if a T is a good he can help you to have a good relationship with yourself and others.
Take care
Mediator
Just came to your post and made me to think about it.

[Sanada]

ty mediator.
thanks..

[elliemay]

Also I might just briefly add that a therapist may not always know what is best. In fact, sometimes that are just outright wrong.

However, they should be willing to work with you to find out what is best.

I'm not so sure about the "totally equality" thing. I see the therapist as being the authority in the therapy relationship (skills-wise). I look to his leadership and guidance as I go through this process. Of course my own input and insight, etc. are also a part of this process, but he has the more "powerful" position. I think that is what makes therapy such an intense process. We have to be willing to give up a little control in order to move forward and make progress. As someone with very stong control issues (t says I have authority issues), being able to trust someone enough to relinquish my "control" has been a real learning and growing experience.

For me, the biggest thing is honesty and straightforwardness from my t. I appreciate that my good t's have always been blatantly honest with me. They've never minced words or coddled me thinking I couldn't handle the truth. They've never pitied me or treated me like I am broken. This is really, really important to me. I've run up against t's who immediately acted like they felt sorry for me and that I needed to be treated somehow differently because of what I have been through in my life. They were a COMPLETE turn-off and I never went back. Don't baby me! I think that is why I always have preferred a male therapist. I've never had a male therapist do that to me; it was always the female therapists that tried to coddle me.

The only other thing I can think of is that I expect my t's to be there for me when I am in crisis. I've been very fortunate in this aspect. This is on my mind right now because I'm slipping into a depressive episode. It's been coming for awhile, and I'm pretty close to that crisis point. My t has no problem seeing me as many times as I need to see him. This week it was twice. I've had weeks when he literally had me come in every single day to help me through an episode. He always returns phone calls. I don't phone him very often, but when I do, he knows I need his support and he always gets back to me the same day, usually within a few hours. My pdoc is equally supportive and responsive.

My job in therapy is to be equally honest and straightforward with my t and my pdoc. Otherwise I'd just be wasting my time and money, and lord knows it's expensive. My job is to show up consistently and commit myself to this process. In return for their care and commitment to healing, I respect their time by not calling them frivolously (that whole boy who cried wolf thing), I respect them as individuals by treating them with common courtesy, and I respect them as the experts they are by complying with treatment.

[Perna]

I don't think of myself as a case or as even having a case; I have certain life experiences and lack others I would like to gain or understand better. For me, therapy is a one-on-one, intimate classroom without as many distractions as day-to-day life has where I can wrestle with (think Jacob wrestling the Angel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_W...with_the_Angel) figuring out who I "am" and what I want to know to better function.

I am in therapy for me, so don't worry about what my T does or does not "know", that's her problem; I am using her (in dialog) to help me educate me.

I don't believe there is a "best", one way to experience Life, but if one wants to think of bestness, it's what is best for Me and I am the only one who can judge that, I'm the only one living this life.

I am/am not different from all others but that's my personal point of view or conviction; no one else can give me that knowledge. I am in therapy to develop my own faith in myself, not in relation to anyone else but so I function in a way that is comfortable and useful to me in this life of mine.

T is another person, like Me in some ways, very different in others. In therapy she has more experience in many social and psychological areas that I do not, that's why I'm seeing her, to learn from her.

I expect T to be her Self and expect her to want me to grow into and exhibit my Self. There is no sense of equal/unequal because we are different people/entities, comparisons make no sense. But I am aware that she may be the leader at some times, may know a better way to approach what interests me and I want to be a good follower/learner in those situations. That both does and does not make us unequal. But I hope I do not let my pride get in the way of being a good follower just because I am not the leader.

[sunrise]

I don't have a lot of expectations, but I guess do have these:

I expect my T to be at his office at the time we have scheduled my appointment.
I expect him to talk to me while we are together.
I expect him to listen to me while we are together.
I expect him to be genuine with me (otherwise, I don't want to do therapy with him).

I don't think a T should have too many expectations of a client. I think a T should be prepared to meet the client where he/she is at. Perhaps just expect that the client will show up for appointments and pay for services.

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I'm not so sure about the "totally equality" thing. I see the therapist as being the authority in the therapy relationship (skills-wise). I look to his leadership and guidance as I go through this process. Of course my own input and insight, etc. are also a part of this process, but he has the more "powerful" position. I think that is what makes therapy such an intense process. We have to be willing to give up a little control in order to move forward and make progress. As someone with very stong control issues (t says I have authority issues), being able to trust someone enough to relinquish my "control" has been a real learning and growing experience.

For me, the biggest thing is honesty and straightforwardness from my t. I appreciate that my good t's have always been blatantly honest with me. They've never minced words or coddled me thinking I couldn't handle the truth. They've never pitied me or treated me like I am broken. This is really, really important to me. I've run up against t's who immediately acted like they felt sorry for me and that I needed to be treated somehow differently because of what I have been through in my life. They were a COMPLETE turn-off and I never went back. Don't baby me! I think that is why I always have preferred a male therapist. I've never had a male therapist do that to me; it was always the female therapists that tried to coddle me.

The only other thing I can think of is that I expect my t's to be there for me when I am in crisis. I've been very fortunate in this aspect. This is on my mind right now because I'm slipping into a depressive episode. It's been coming for awhile, and I'm pretty close to that crisis point. My t has no problem seeing me as many times as I need to see him. This week it was twice. I've had weeks when he literally had me come in every single day to help me through an episode. He always returns phone calls. I don't phone him very often, but when I do, he knows I need his support and he always gets back to me the same day, usually within a few hours. My pdoc is equally supportive and responsive.

My job in therapy is to be equally honest and straightforward with my t and my pdoc. Otherwise I'd just be wasting my time and money, and lord knows it's expensive. My job is to show up consistently and commit myself to this process. In return for their care and commitment to healing, I respect their time by not calling them frivolously (that whole boy who cried wolf thing), I respect them as individuals by treating them with common courtesy, and I respect them as the experts they are by complying with treatment.

wow, thank you. I agree that the surrender of control is a part of healing; to trust another's opinion...
It sounds like you have a very healthy relationship with you're t. I am the opposite to you though...lol..i had 2 male t's and they were good; but it was the female t i have now when i felt i could open up to. She does most deff 'not' mollycodlle though, she is quite tough and has a persona that click's with me. She is cool.

Thank you for you're reply. It is insightful and gives me a another perspective.


Sanada.

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think of myself as a case or as even having a case; I have certain life experiences and lack others I would like to gain or understand better. For me, therapy is a one-on-one, intimate classroom without as many distractions as day-to-day life has where I can wrestle with (think Jacob wrestling the Angel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_W...with_the_Angel) figuring out who I "am" and what I want to know to better function.

I am in therapy for me, so don't worry about what my T does or does not "know", that's her problem; I am using her (in dialog) to help me educate me.

I don't believe there is a "best", one way to experience Life, but if one wants to think of bestness, it's what is best for Me and I am the only one who can judge that, I'm the only one living this life.

I am/am not different from all others but that's my personal point of view or conviction; no one else can give me that knowledge. I am in therapy to develop my own faith in myself, not in relation to anyone else but so I function in a way that is comfortable and useful to me in this life of mine.

T is another person, like Me in some ways, very different in others. In therapy she has more experience in many social and psychological areas that I do not, that's why I'm seeing her, to learn from her.

I expect T to be her Self and expect her to want me to grow into and exhibit my Self. There is no sense of equal/unequal because we are different people/entities, comparisons make no sense. But I am aware that she may be the leader at some times, may know a better way to approach what interests me and I want to be a good follower/learner in those situations. That both does and does not make us unequal. But I hope I do not let my pride get in the way of being a good follower just because I am not the leader.

Thank you , wow. you are most deff right that a t is the teacher, and we are not identical people. We are un-equal to our personal experiences.
When i say equality, i mean in a humanitarian sense.

Thank yoy for the reply..

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I don't have a lot of expectations, but I guess do have these:

I expect my T to be at his office at the time we have scheduled my appointment.
I expect him to talk to me while we are together.
I expect him to listen to me while we are together.
I expect him to be genuine with me (otherwise, I don't want to do therapy with him).

I don't think a T should have too many expectations of a client. I think a T should be prepared to meet the client where he/she is at. Perhaps just expect that the client will show up for appointments and pay for services.

wow, thank you....

I like the truth in that way..the t is there to help and make $$.
Thank you..

I expect the T to respect me and my beliefs.
To be trustworthy.
To listen to me.
To be fair.
To be empathetic.
To be honest.
To respond to me openly and warmly.

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by Mediator

HI Sanada
I think a good T does not expect from you anything. He knows that he can only help you and nothing more and all staff you write is up to you.
What you expect from a T
Sanada do not expect a lot from a T. But if a T is a good he can help you to have a good relationship with yourself and others.
Take care
Mediator
Just came to your post and made me to think about it.

thanks Mediator.

You are right that a t can only do so much in helping one to the're best ability.

I really don't know what to expect from a t. I guess its the fact that they are paid $/£ that I expect too much.

Thank you Mediator, from that I will put the expectation in myself. In that I will achieve more in 6 months; that what I would ever achieve in a whole lifetime relying on a t all the time...

Thank you.

Sanada.

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by elliemay

Also I might just briefly add that a therapist may not always know what is best. In fact, sometimes that are just outright wrong.

However, they should be willing to work with you to find out what is best.

thank you elliemay.

Very true. We must have trust in ourself's, our primary instinct to know what's best.



Thank you.

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

I expect the T to respect me and my beliefs.
To be trustworthy.
To listen to me.
To be fair.
To be empathetic.
To be honest.
To respond to me openly and warmly.

Thank you SarahMichelle.

There is a side of me that expects all that.
I need those qualities in a t.

Thank you.