[nicoleb2]

I told t how stressed I am because my stepdad has been unemployed for three years and has very little money. He can't afford groceries and won't go to a food shelf, his pride is stopping him. I have been feeding my 13 yr old brother a lot. So T told me I am enablin my stepdad because I keep feeding my brother and I should just accept it so stepdad would ger help. How the hell would I stop feeding my brother? That won't happen, ever. I got so angry that I started scrathing my hand hard and. . was digging my nails into the top of my hand. Now I have to do a chain analysis cause she said I was self harming. I just want to scream!!!

[geez]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I told t how stressed I am because my stepdad has been unemployed for three years and has very little money. He can't afford groceries and won't go to a food shelf, his pride is stopping him. I have been feeding my 13 yr old brother a lot. So T told me I am enablin my stepdad because I keep feeding my brother and I should just accept it so stepdad would ger help. How the hell would I stop feeding my brother? That won't happen, ever. I got so angry that I started scrathing my hand hard and. . was digging my nails into the top of my hand. Now I have to do a chain analysis cause she said I was self harming. I just want to scream!!!

(((nicoleb2))) Kudos to you for taking care of your brother however I can understand how feeding your brother is enabling your dad to continue to not do anything like feed your brother by going to the food shelter. Having said that if I were in your situation I could not help but want to take care of my sibling as you are now. Perhaps your 13yr old brother could go to the food bank for himself??

How does your dad fit in this picture? Have you talked to your dad about this or can you talk to your dad about this?

Hoping you find some resolution to your situation and some peace of mind soon.

[rainbow8]

nicole, I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation. You sound like a very loving sister. I guess there are two ways to look at it and your T is taking one side. If you weren't feeding your brother, your stepdad would HAVE to do something about it. On the other hand, you're afraid he won't and he'll starve! Did you tell your T how you felt about her suggestion and that's why you started to hurt yourself? Are you in DBT? Isn't that where they do chain analyses. Even though you don't want to do it, maybe it will help get to the source of some of your angry feelings.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Did you tell your T how you felt about her suggestion and that's why you started to hurt yourself?

Excellent suggestion ^. If you are angry about something that someone says you need to respond back.

I can understand why you are feeding your brother. He shouldn't have to suffer because of choices that your dad is making. If you were feeding your dad this would be a more clear cut enabling.

[nicoleb2]

I have tried to talk to my stepdad, but he still won't do anything. I am in dbt so r
thats why I have to do the chain analysis, that and my T says it was therapy interfering behavior. I want to cut so bad. I almost did right after my session. I don't really feel comfortable calling my t about it today

[Sannah]

Can you see how not dealing with your anger led you to want to SI? Can you see how talking to the person who makes you angry is dealing with your anger? Were you afraid to tell your T that you were angry with what she said?

[nicoleb2]

I didn't tell her I was angry, but did tell her that no matter what, I will always watch out for and protect my brother, whatever it takes. Our mom died 4 years ago and my brother has looked to me when he needs something that my stepdad can't provide

[Sannah]

So you stood up for your brother but not yourself? (This is a common issue for those in therapy BTW. I was there myself long ago).

[lastyearisblank]

That would piss me off a lot too. Just because you stop feeding someone doesn't mean someone else will pick up the slack. But don't SI because of that. It's a misunderstanding. Your feelings are pretty valid ok??

[nicoleb2]

I always stick up for him. My kids and my brother are the only reason I am alive. I tried to tell t, but couldn't do it. I was having really bad cutting urges, which led me to scratching my hand and digging my nails in. hoped t wouldn't notice, but she did. I figured it was better than cutting as soon as I got to my car...

[Sannah]

Can you tell her during your next session?

[lastyearisblank]

Yeah, talk to her or else it's just going to be on your mind.

[nicoleb2]

I am just so stressed about that and a lot of other things, and I want to cut, repeatedly. I prefer physical pain over emotional pain

[lastyearisblank]

I know. But don't.

[nicoleb2]

I will try to tell her, but I don't see her till next week. I still want to cut really bad though

[lastyearisblank]

You know, then I think you gotta call her. I don't know much about this. Is it a therapy interfering behavior if you call her about it?

[nicoleb2]

No. she would much prefer that over me cutting. The thought of callinh her makes me want to puke

[lastyearisblank]

It's more effective if you puke in her office. Does she have a fancy rug?

Yeah, call her. Take care of you. If she's competent she can shelve the other stuff for now.

[nicoleb2]

I know she can shelve the other stuff. I just don't know if I can. I will always be fiercly loyal to my brother, so this is making me really upset

[lastyearisblank]

U calling her now?

[Sannah]

Why are you scared to call her? Do you feel that it would be a confrontation? It doesn't have to be a confrontation. You would just be telling her how what she said made you feel. "I was angry after you said XXX last week and this was why I wanted to hurt myself in session. I wish I would have been able to tell you that I was angry instead".

[nicoleb2]

I am not good with admitting anger, especially with t. I don't feel safe exposing my anger, because the cutting urges get more intense when I do.

[lastyearisblank]

Why not just try to call her then? If you're going to cut anyway might as well see if she's going to do anything to help.

[lastyearisblank]

Look, it's not for her that you're calling. But if you want to take care of your brother, you have to take care of yourself first. And that means seeking adequate medical care.

[nannypat]

I have a brother that is 10 yrs younger than me that I practically raised. I would do anything for him that he needed. If someone told me not to I( who has a big problem with admitting, showing, feeling, anger) would do it anyway. It maybe the only thing that would get me to tell that someone how angry she was making me. I hope you can keep from cutting. Try telling her that there is no way in he** you will let your brother go without eating instead. You might be surprised how good it feels!