[Omers]

OK, so if it is a good month and budgets balance (LOL) I can see massage T 4 hours, T 2 hours and Pdoc 20 minutes. The four of us are working really hard on my opening up and being less guarded. So that is 6 hours 20 minutes of safe, adult interaction... and nearly 1/4 of my budget for the month!

So we will say I am up 12 hours a day/360 hours a month. That leaves 353 hours that I am not with them.

I have 1 "friend" within a 6 hour driving distance with the majority of my friends (LOL, makes it sound like there is a lot of them) living 15 hours away. Even the far away friends usually only call when something is wrong or they need something. Family, yeh, that's a joke for another thread. The one "friend" I have near me...

• has taken advantage of me sexually (yes, avoiding the R word but that is what it was)
• tells me how dirty my house is
• calls me a hoarder
• tells me my kid is jail bait (he actually uses mental health Dx's as insults not jail bait... but I have friends with those Dxs so... lets not go there) and I never should have taken my son in
• can't have a conversation with me that doesn't involve scapegoating his wife, hitting on me and/or making unwanted advances
• he uses my parts to try and divide and conquer
• if I try and talk about me (in a way where he can't make it about him or sex) he "has to go"
• if I try to talk about mutual interests he insults my abilities or "has to go"

And then I wonder why I am on meds for depression and anxiety and don't let anyone in.
And then I wonder why the majority of my parts are flipping out that I am trying to let T, massage T and Pdoc in.
And then I wonder why I don't want anyone around my house.

Yes, I know, I need more friends, and I am trying. I just attract all the wrong people... see above.

I know many will feel the need to reply with comments about my 'friend'... feel free just please refrain from using mental health Dxs as A$$H* is not in DSM... yet.

[skysblue]

I understand the need for friends. I think that's my major problem. With no one to talk to except my T, it gets real lonely. Sure, I have acquaintances but it's not the same as a true friend who will hear you and you can hear them.

[Perna]

I write friends and relatives who are far away, send them little things I print out that I think they might be interested in, maybe a book or something small like that and lots of cards, postcards, just random things, LOL. Some of them even eventually write me back.

One of my brothers and sister-in-law called me last night just to check in and that was nice; we keep meaning to get together, only live a couple hours from each other but are all busy at our various lives.

I wouldn't hang with someone who was a drag to hang with, even if I were desperate? Find some hobby or something you can do that has other people "around" doing it and see what becomes of it?