Will I ever not feel a knot in my stomach when I see a child being mistreated?

I am a survivior of child abuse, physical and mental. I have always as a small child felt aweful when I saw a child being yelled at or worse. When I see this happening as an adult, I feel like that little child that is being treated wrongly. I want to so much go up the the parent and tell them to stop being so mean. But I know not to do that because from my experience , if you embarrass the parent, they will take it out on the child later. (it has happened to me).
I have been in therapy for almost a year, tried EMDR once and it has helped very much. But I am wondering if I will always be sensititve to this, is this the reality, and I have to learn to deal with it. I just hate the feeling of helplessness and anger when I witness this. What do you feel or have experienced? Thanks!

I think being sensitive to the mistreatment of children is an awesome thing. We all must be. In my experience if you are non-threatening to the parent such as wow, the candy isle, what a cutie and start speaking with the child about anything that will get his/her attention. What also works is when a parent is getting overwhelmed to validate that and then turn your attention to the child. Baby, sing a song, do the spider ryme. Toddler, place peekaboo. Children deserve love and respect. I am glad you are getting help with this too. Child abuse leaves a horrid legacy.

growingflower, t has brought this same thing to me MANY times. I'm exactly the same way. I feel that I need to save any child who's having it hard...sometimes hurting/triggering myself in the process. However, I'll go the distance for a child, whether it hurts me or not. How many times did I pray that someone, even a stranger, would've gone the distance for me.

Like you, though, I recognized that whatever I might do wouldn't further injure the child. I've even had children live with me. Both of my daughters' friends know that there is someone who will hear them without judgment. I'm the "block mom" kind of. I don't know how many times that the teen girlfriends were fighting hot and heavy with parents and I would make the call to the other mom saying, "Hey, I know what you're feeling. How about both of you get a break and so-and-so stay here tonight. She'll be safe, but away from you." It was always appreciated. Youngest has done the same with her friends' parents.

I don't know why I went into all of that...LOL. I just want you to know that you're not alone, and that MANY, if not most, of the survivors out there I've found to be hyper-sensitive to the needs of children. It can be exhausing for us...the survivors. However, it can be a blessing for a child out there somewhere.

Thank you for being you.

I wish you well.

KD

Thanks for the good idea for distracting the parent. I just don't know if I can do that yet, being it would be hard not to show my anger and get upset myself. I know validating is a good thing to help anyone. Everyone wants to be validated.
My MIL has never got that lesson. I remember telling how aweful it was to be up for 3 nights in a row with my crying sick infant, and her response was , well if I did it , whats your problem with it. But then again she isn't really human! Just kidding, I think...ummmmmmm yeah, just joking.

I feel the same way! I just want to take that child into my arms and protect her from harm. I just wish my arms were big enough to hold all the children in the world that needs a hug. Maybe someday after therapy, I will volunteer for some organization that helps children in that position. Then there would be a silver lining to what happend to me as child.

I too, wish I could have reached out to someone to protect me, but if I did, who knows what would have really happened. There are alot of sickos out in this world. I don't think there would be an island to hold all of them.

By the way, I like your chinese saying as your signature.

Yes, you will always be sensitive on child mistreatment and I think everybody should feel the same.

Every kind of abuse, especially on children, is teriblle and should be disrooted everywhere on the world.

I can understand how you fee and I am very sorry you had been mistreated in your childhood. Keep this memories deep in youself and do everything you can to protect any child if you have the chance.

This is our duty cause we know, we understand and we can identify with them. Now, as adult we can DO somthing to stop the violence and we have to....So, the knot in your stomach is just reminder of that.

I think the second you DON'T feel a knot in your stomach when you see a child being mistreated is when theres a problem...

YEAH its hard to see

I wasn't abused as a child, and I damn near FREAK OUT when I see someone mistreat a child. Just the other day in a store there was a little kid, maybe 6, who was acting pretty much like a 6 year old kid does when he's been out shopping all day...the next thing I knew the Dad barked some command at him, and the kid was KNEELING next to his Dad, whimpering...the Mom came over and they both tore into this little guy right there. I had to leave, fast. My impulse control is not good any more, and I REALLY wanted to register my EXTREME disapproval...LOL.

And the heck of it is that when I got away, I could see in my mind's eye a picture of that Dad when he was a little boy, cowering on the floor of a store somewhere...

Pray for all of them , everywhere.

DJ

Hi GF,

No, you'll never get over it. You must force yourself to think rationally. If it's actual abuse, go get a policeman. If it's not, force yourself to walk away. I had to force myself to practically run into the back of Wal Mart over Christmas to get away from a n abrasive parent. There was absolutely nothing I could legally do about him.

I wish you well.

Jan

Would it help you to know that many of us who didn't have the same experience, also get a "knot in our stomachs" when we see child abuse? My MD has a poster in the office, of a child sitting in a car without the seatbelt, and it says something about the most common form of child abuse. Neglect... none of it is right or good for a child!

Becoming a bit proactive might help, IDK.

If I'm in a store or in public anywhere, and I hear or see a parent "abusing" a child... yelling, jerking, emotionally putting the child down I get involved. Usually I say something like, Wow you have your hands full today, don't you? Something to take their mind off the child and onto their own behavior (yoo hoo, someone saw what you did.>>) I might say, is she/he not feeling well today? And at times, like when a man (father?) slaps a child, I step right up and say, WHOA... that's not allowed... of course, staying far enough away so he can't strike me. But it's that important, to me.

I have called police... that's what we, the public must do. We don't have to SAY there's abuse... but if we're pretty sure, we need to say they need to check things out and see if that family is doing ok.. ...

Once you are no longer overwhelmingly triggered, you will be a good advocate for another child, somewhere, I'm sure. Take care of yourself, first, though. I hope that knot lessens for you.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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I know I have a lot of difficulty seeing children being mistreated. I have this thing where if I don't like the way a parent/guardian is treating the child or is doing it in a way that I wouldn't dream of doing it (parenting) I often think they are wrong and want to just to take the child away from them and treat them the way that I think children should be treated. Yeah, it may be a bit extreme but I know what some things do to a child.

Even sometimes when I'm in a store and a kid wants candy and the parent starts screaming at them and telling them no, I'm so tempted to just go and buy the candy and give it to them!

Should you ever NOT feel a knot in your stomach when anyone is mistreated? For me....that's not the problem...it's the feeling of helplessness in not being able to do something about everyone's pain ....but the reality is that we can't ease everyone's pain....we can't solve everyone's situations....we can only do all that is in our power (in a societal sense) to raise awareness of the problems and, of course, bring comfort where you can....Above all...remember this....just because someone is the victim of abuse does not necessarily mean that they will be an unsuccessfull person....In many cases, it's the pain that drives us to be better and more resourceful humans.....gosh.. I better get off this never ending track....lol....love ya all...grace

That happened at a job that I used to work at. The son had lost a gift certificate for a free Turkey for Thanksgiving. He came through my cash register line. I felt very uncomfortable and had odd thoughts of him reminding me of my step-father. So I was releaved when he got out of my line.
Later, a co-worker saw him yelling at his son and called the police. I made some kind of odd comment about him having reminded me of my step-father. I had suspected that he would yell or do something worse to the son. However, I had no real reason to believe except for my odd reaction to him. He was just totally silent and seemed like he was struggling to keep his temper in check which is what I think made me react so emotionally to him.
I don't know if I could have the guts to interfere with a parent and child. Especially since I suspect that I might think something is child abuse when it isn't.

Well, sometimes I speak to the child first... that usually takes them right out of their reaction... saying something like, did you have a bad day at school today? Not in a mean voice, but in a caring teacher-like voice. It also lets the parent know that others have sensed there is a problem? I think they get caught up in their own tunnel vision of life problems... maybe intervention will help them realize things are out of hand? One can always hope.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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growingflower said:
I want to so much go up the the parent and tell them to stop being so mean. But I know not to do that because from my experience , if you embarrass the parent, they will take it out on the child later. (it has happened to me).

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Once I told a parent that I thought she was emotionally abusing a child. We argued for a while but I think it might have made a difference. She had a blank stare like I triggered something in her.

You should speak up when you feel you need to. You are not responsible for "what if" later there's abuse for the kid. Threaten to report to Child Protective Services.