[FourRedheads]

Okay, I'm going to ask. I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm not sure what this is.

So...this is going to sound really dumb and if I'm not allowed to post this here, I apologize. I've only had 3 sessions with my T. She told me I have PTSD and anxiety, blah blah. During the sessions, I don't really think about it while I'm doing this...I'm pinching my arm really hard. Like making myself bleed.

I used to do this in high school but haven't done this as an adult until now. It only happens in session. T hasn't mentioned it. I don't know if she noticed. During the last session, I was wrapped in a blanket, so I scratched my arm under there.

Am I just a freak? This is very embarrassing.

[Butterflies Are Free]

No, you are not a freak. I think you may be doing this as a way to relieve stress. Do you feel comfortable bringing it up with your T yet?

[granite1]

i dont think it is dumb at all sometimes i will scratch my arms and stuff without even knowing it i think i remember my T asking me to stop once but it wasnt a bug deal for her,i think it is just anxiety

[FourRedheads]

No, I don't think I can talk to her about it. While I'm there, I'm just terrified. So scared I can't think straight. I don't know how to calm down. Well, the blanket did help a little. I don't know why I'm so afraid. T is very scary to me.

[FourRedheads]

Thanks granite

[SallyBrown]

You're not a freak! I do something very similar, although it's not limited to therapy -- any stressful situation can bring it on. I have also known another person (though I don't know whether he was in therapy at all) who has the same nervous habit as me.

Definitely talk to T about it. I hate that my T doesn't seem to notice when I am doing it (although he knows that I do do it sometimes, so I can't tell if he doesn't notice or just doesn't bring it to my attention before I notice). Sometimes I have to sit on my hands as I, too, can end up making myself bleed.

[SoupDragon]

Have you read the stuff on self harm/injury?

[childofyen]

Nooo, this doesn't sound dumb at all. I've caught myself doing the same thing. I don't even realize it while I'm doing it until T asks me how I'm feeling... then I look down and realize that my whole body is tense and I'm scratching and pinching at my arms. I think it's an unconscious defense mechanism... like, my body is absorbing the pain so that I don't have to deal with the stressful emotions? Something like that. I haven't talked to my T about it but I should. I do try to be aware of what my body is doing while I'm talking to her, and sometimes taking a few deep breaths and telling her that the topic is difficult helps me to calm down.

Whatever it is, I don't think it sounds dumb, and you're not alone.

It's not dumb at all. When T and I get into a discussion that makes me start to get anxious, I pinch myself hard. It relieves some anxiety. One of the things that has helped for me is to ask to hold 2 globs of play-doh and work them in my hands separately. Talking about it would allow you and T to find options that would cause harm to you or your body.

I don't think you're strange at all either. I often do the same thing to relieve stress. For some reason it just calms me down. My T usually notices though and either holds my hand or asks me what is "really" going on inside thats making me want to do that.

((((((((((4redheads)))))))))))

I've found myself doing this sort of thing in therapy...digging my fingernails into my palms as hard as I can, or pinching myself or whatever.

I think for me, it's a way to avoid the big emotions that therapy brings up. It keeps me distracted.

I rarely do it anymore. I used to be SO SO SO scared of T and of my story and of my feelings. Now I'm not afraid of T and I'm learning to accept my story and my feelings and it's not so intense.

The beginning phase of therapy is HARD, I know. Try to be gentle with yourself. And as scary as it is, I bet if you tell T, she will be understanding and help you. I didn't self-injure at all between high school and starting therapy, and then I started again. When I told T I was so scared and ashamed, but he was so gentle and accepting. I didn't get in trouble, he didn't shame me. He asked questions about it so I wouldn't be alone with it, and he let it go. I haven't had to do it for a really long time...like years.

Hang in there. It won't be this scary forever.

[FourRedheads]

Thank you for all the feedback! I feel better about it. It helps to know that I'm not alone in this. Maybe after some time and I build trust with my T, I'll be able to talk about this with her. Ugh, I have a feeling that therapy is going to be hard work.

I love this site so much. You are all awesome.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by FourRedheads

Thank you for all the feedback! I feel better about it. It helps to know that I'm not alone in this. Maybe after some time and I build trust with my T, I'll be able to talk about this with her. Ugh, I have a feeling that therapy is going to be hard work.

I love this site so much. You are all awesome.

Just want to add my "not weird at all to the pile". I used to pinch, scratch, dig my nails into my palm etc... I think it's all a reaction to stress, and a distraction technique.

You should tell your therapist about it, and perhaps the two of you can identify what stressors seem to be the most anxiety provoking. She can observe the behaviour (if you let her) and cue you in that you are doing it.

What i've learned is, instead of balling my fists, I make a conscious effort to open my palms, even turn them toward my therapist. It took a lot of work at first, but it really helped.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Sounds to me like Self Injury of a way if trying to ground yourself, hope that helps...