[SilentLucidity]

Usually when I go into my weekly session T will sit there and wait for me to say something. Only once have I asked her to start and she chose to comment on the large bag I brought in with me. (Lot of help that was, I wanted to scream, "I know what you're doing!") Anyway, I'm wondering how people even begin to decide what to talk about? I have so many huge things going on right now and I am not sure I even pick one that sits at the top of the list.

I started seeing T because the stress of my job had just become too much and I did something hugely uncharacteristic at work at the end of a long week. I basically cracked. I didn't go into therapy expecting to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I just thought I would get to talk to someone about all the things I never share with anyone. I knew I need help because I wasn't having good thoughts. Low and behold four months later work is still a huge issue which makes everyday nearly unbearable, but all these other issues I never noticed are popping up all over the place because T is forcing me to look at them.

So when you are completely overwhelmed what do you talk about when you go into a session? I have all these thoughts that are going to drive me crazy for the next day and a half.

Do I just rattle off the eight balls I'm juggling right now? Knowing full well that we won't be able to talk about any of them in enough detail to get anywhere? I feel like I would leave the session feeling worse than when I went in.

Do I talk about the topic that I threw on the table two months ago, but said I wasn't ready to talk about it yet? I don't want to talk to her about it because I want to try to fix it on my own first, which I know is silly, but maybe that will make it not so hard to talk about. The problem with that is the issue is a coping skill I use when I am stressed and I am denying myself it right now. By denying myself I think I am driving myself even more crazy because I am stressed beyond belief right now.

Do I bring up something I think she's intuited, but I have never talked about before? Because I utterly categorically hate myself right now. I did not used to feel this way. Now it is overwhelming. This hatred is driving me to try and change things about myself which isn't bad, but I'm trying to do them all at once. We talked about that last week she told me to stop and I could pick two things. Only two things. If I drop all the rest I am a failure and that just compounds the self hatred.

Do I talk about the four doctors appointments I had last week and how at one of them even though I got pretty good news I felt dead inside?

Do I talk about the fact that for weeks now I have hoped every session would be about her pushing me until I actually break down and cry because it is right there under the surface ALL THE TIME, but I have become so good and shoving it down? I know it would be therapeutic to just let it all out, but I have been so conditioned that it is a sign of weakness I just can't let it go.

Or we could talk about how even though my husband has been nothing but supportive through this medical stuff I just want to punch him in the face sometimes. I am so angry that even though he is supportive there are times I wish he would just shut up and hold me rather than make some stupid comment. Why doesn't he get that? Why can't I ask for it without feeling stupid an weak?

We could talk about the sheer fact that I'm overwhelmed, but that doesn't help me AT ALL! I was unloading so many things last week that at one point T said, "You are putting too much on yourself. I can't even breathe as you're talking. It's no wonder you're having trouble breathing."

I hate even reading what I have written here. I feel like a whiny, drama queen and that is not who I am which is why I NEVER share these things with anyone. I am spiraling out of control and to top it all off the only thing I keep telling myself is that if I can't help myself no one can help me.

I didn't mean for this to be so long. It's my first real post of any substance in the three months I've been on PC. So back to my original question; when you have a multitude of things all fighting for equal time how do you choose which one to talk about?

As soon as I hit submit I am going to regret doing this. That's a whole 'nuther thing to talk to T about. The regret I feel when I finally do share my feelings. *SIGH*

[Yoda]

I can relate to feeling overwhelmed. For awhile when my symptoms were at their worst I kept thinking I could not handle any more input, I was overwhelmed with stressors. At that time I had to repeat things over and over with my T. I would see her and say I know we talked about this but I cannot remember what you said, can we talk about it again.

Yes, it is frustrating when you don't see yourself making progress but sometimes you have to work through a lot to make tiny steps forward.

Does it help if you write a list of things you would like to talk about? Even if you don't get through the list in a session you can add or delete as you go. I am a list kind of person so it worked for me.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

[SoupDragon]

Wow, could have written this one myself! 18 months down the line with T, I finally think I am starting to get what I need to talk about. T has been patient and has just waited. I still have the daily stuff going on, but realise there will always be daily stuff. For me the important stuff is the deeper stuff, the stuff that brings shame, pain, tears. And I think this can only be faced when our relationship with T has developed sufficiently. I have gone through real doubt in T, but now see possibilities.

[skysblue]

I know exactly what you mean about the horrible task of choosing a topic. During the week before session, I will write down each topic that I would want to address. Knowing of course, that there would not be enough time to cover each thing. What I end up doing is just before session I would look at the list I had written and then number each item in order of a sense of priority that I feel at that moment.

I take this notebook in each session. And I will refer to my prioritized list and begin with #1. I have no idea how many of the items on list we'll get to but probably not all of them.

After session, I'll cross off the items covered and make note of those not covered. Then I begin the process again for the next session. A new page in my notebook with a list. Maybe some of the items not covered in previous list will go on new list or maybe not. All depends on what seems the most urgent at that time.

I have found though after doing therapy for 8 months now that there are less and less items on my list. In fact, lately I don't even have a list. I know the 'big thing' I want to talk about and that's what we do. I think that I'm able to identify better which topics need addressing and can eliminate stuff more easily than before.

Also, during session I might touch on a topic very quickly just so T knows it's an issue but I don't want to spend too much time on it because other stuff is more important to me at the time.

As more time passes and T knows me better, it becomes easier and easier to know what to cover.

Originally Posted by SilentLucidity

So when you are completely overwhelmed what do you talk about when you go into a session? I have all these thoughts that are going to drive me crazy for the next day and a half.

*SIGH*

((((((((SilentLucidity))))))))

When I am overwhelmed, I go and trust that I will talk about what I most need to talk about. I don't plan, I just show up and see what comes up.

At my last session, I started telling him things that are going on in my life currently...some hard, some not so hard...and then I took a big breath and told him about a big trigger that had happened, and that led us into talking about the past. Even though I left in tears (ack), I think it worked out how it was supposed to.

Other sessions lately have just focused on current stuff...I have had a lot of big changes going on in my life, and I really just needed support for the day-to-day stuff.

T taught me to check in with myself about halfway through session to see if I was going to leave and regret not talking about something. He used to have to remind me, but now I just do it. And if I do check in with myself and find that there is something I wish we would talk about, I just change the subject. It's okay to jump from topic to topic to topic.

Have you told T how you feel? That there are so many things, past and present, pushing at you and it's hard to know where to start? Maybe she could help you find a starting point.

Something I've learned over the years is that we don't have to talk about *everything*. I used to feel like if something was bothering me during the week, I *had* to talk about it in therapy, and it was overwhelming and stressful, because there was no way to do that. For me, it turns out that the support and caring I get in my session carries over into the rest of the week, and that helps me with whatever I have going on, even if I didn't talk about it specifically in session.

((((((((((SL)))))))))))) It's awful to feel so overwhelmed. Breathe, and know it won't feel like this forever.

[granite1]

maybe you should start by listing off the things that you want to deal with or write them down.and share them.my T told me the best way to choose what to talk about is to talk about the first thing that comes into your mind at the time.dont think to much anout it.havnt tried it yet but maybe this method would help

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by SilentLucidity

As soon as I hit submit I am going to regret doing this. That's a whole 'nuther thing to talk to T about. The regret I feel when I finally do share my feelings. *SIGH*

I hope you didn't regret posting!

Maybe, the easiest thing to do for your next session would be to print out the post you wrote, number the things you wrote from most to least important to you, and then bring that list to T with you. You could tell your T that you have all this stuff you feel like you need to talk about and you're not sure where to start. You could talk about the list, and maybe your T will help you decide what to start with, what to table, what seems really urgent, etc.

When I feel like I have just too many things going on, I list them all out, and tell my T at the beginning of a session - "I have 5 things I think I need to talk about, but I know we won't get to them all. Here's the topics, help me decide where to start." She will pick one and we go from there.

[laceylu]

I am there now. Been there and am doing it now. I journal and then make a list. I review the journal before session and pick 2 things to discuss. Usually the 2 things that are the most distressing to me that week. Then my T will usually get me to thinking about it in a different way and BAM I have more to think about. I would like to talk to T for a whole day but then I would probably be catatonic from the distress that therapy causes me. I have a very seasoned T and she continues to surprise me with her understanding. I think therapy is supposed to get you thinking and feeling which leads to change. PEACE TO YOU!

I get it, at least I think I do. In my version of trying to figure out what to talk about in therapy, I often journal during the week about things that are on my mind. And that doesn't help me figure out the primacy or rank order of the issues, so I go back and re-read what I've written and then I journal about that. You can see where this will eventually lead, I'm journaling about reading my journal reading my journal . . . . (insert endless chains of "reading my journal" here.

And my emotional reaction to thinking about where to start is kind of twofold. In the first piece, I feel like that Looney Tunes character (maybe Daffy Duck?) who marches along obliviously until he marches off a cliff, realizes that there's nothing underneath his feet, and then scrambles to get to the edge of solid land. It usually doesn't work out so well for him in the cartoon, and, for me, getting to solid grounding in this emotional place I'm left in when I feel overwhelmed is not so easy either.

In the second piece of feeling frustrated about where to start, I start to feel that all my issues are interconnected. I feel like my issues are like one of those magician's scarves that they pull out of their pocket (or is it a clown? ). Hanky out of pocket tied to another hanky tied to another hanky tied to another hanky, and it is never. going. to. stop. Ugh. In fact, I started this round of therapy with marriage and family issues. My 9 year old was having an issue at school that really turned out to be an issue between him and his Dad, which really turned out to be an issue between his Dad and I. I started seeing a counselor at the same time that my son was seeing his because I wanted to normalize the experience of counseling for my son and because I thought I might be better equipped to help him and his Dad come to a better place. About four months into things, I told him about part of my history that he wasn't aware of, and said something like it seemed to me that my reaction to my husband's behavior towards our son was partly based on what he was doing, but also partly a reaction to my past. Open big can of worms. Can't really see the ground underneath my feel at all.

I'm not trying to shrink you up or anything, but I hear "relational" over the issues you are circling around. At least I think that bad stuff at work is almost always relational in nature, the wanting to punch hubby in the face (an impulse I totally get) seems like it is relational, even the medical stuff has a relationship component to it that could be more difficult than the "medical" stuff itself. It sounds like you are not getting what you need from hubby, and that justifiably makes you angry. I wonder if this isn't the issue at the top of the hierarchy or in the center of the circle or whatever, and that if you talked about this, that other things might fall into place.

Anne

P.S. i'm really glad you posted about this. I think it was a very open and actually not dramatized description of where you are and what you're struggling with.

I completely get your feeling of being overwhelmed. I was so overwhelmed when I started therapy 6 months ago that I wished I could see my T every day - we would not have run out of things to talk about, that's for sure! One day a week wasn't long enough, and still isn't. And just like you, as we've worked on the original issues that brought me there others have cropped up that are much deeper, and have been hidden for years. It can sometimes make me feel like I'm getting worse instead of better, but I know that's not true. I'm sorting things out, and I'm beginning to see that it's the deeper issues that are actually causing the present-day issues. Gak!

I make notes during the week on what I want to talk about. We never get to all of them, and I just keep them on the list for the next time. Sometimes I pick something that I feel is really important - sometimes I ask T if he wants to do any follow-up from what we discussed the last session. And sometimes he will just start the session with his own question, or "let's talk about such and such." But he's made it clear that I can set the agenda.

Try to start with whatever is bugging you the most ... I call it doing triage. If you can't pick one, go ahead and rattle all of them off and tell your T you just can't decide - what does she think?

I am spiraling out of control and to top it all off the only thing I keep telling myself is that if I can't help myself no one can help me.

I think when we cannot help ourselves, or think we can't, that's precisely when we DO need someone else to help. You're doing the right thing by seeing your T. This stuff takes time, and sometimes we have to just keep slogging along and believing in the process - that eventually we're going to feel better and be better. Hang in there, and post here whenever you feel like it. Glad you made this post, and hope you don't regret it!

[SilentLucidity]

Thank you all. I don't regret posting as much as I thought I would. The image of a Looney Toons character running off a cliff and all the sudden looking down realizing there is not ground beneath their feet is so true. What a great description of how this feels! For a while early in therapy I had come "prepared" to sessions with a list of things to talk about and T asked me to work on being in the present, to not make a list, and talk about what comes to mind in that moment. Maybe the larger part is that I don't trust myself to be vulnerable with T yet. Perhaps that's what I should really talk about tomorrow.