[SoupDragon]

We are starting to talk about my SI and suicidal thoughts. There is close to the edge stuff I have done in the past and although I know these are symptoms of deeper stuff to work on, I have felt scared by my actions and would like to talk about it with T. However I don't want to concern him and also I wonder if it is the same as having a broken leg and just whinging about how much it hurts rather than dealing wiith the pain. Also as this has been since I started T don't want T to be cross.

[Perna]

I don't think T will be cross with anything you choose to bring up. If you are having difficulty with your thoughts and/or actions, that is specifically the sort of stuff you want to be discussing with T! You don't have to be scared of your actions, you have to be "part" of them (they are yours after all); it's only by owning all of your choices and working to make the ones that will get you closer to the person you want to be that therapy can be deemed "successful". I wouldn't worry about T, T will tell you if there's a problem with what you discuss?

[ECHOES]

I wonder if it is the same as having a broken leg and just whinging about how much it hurts rather than dealing wiith the pain

It would only be the same if you had a broken leg, complained about the pain ~AND~ you were not getting the broken leg treated

You and your feelings and your thoughts are not too much for T.

I don't want to concern him

What do you imagine T thinking/saying/feeling if he were to be 'concerned'?

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ut-in-therapy/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...lk-in-therapy/

[confuseduk]

((SD)) By talking about it, hopefully it will help you deal with the pain. Try to talk to your T about how you're feeling. I don't think T will be cross, he'll just want to help you

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think T will be cross with anything you choose to bring up. If you are having difficulty with your thoughts and/or actions, that is specifically the sort of stuff you want to be discussing with T! You don't have to be scared of your actions, you have to be "part" of them (they are yours after all); it's only by owning all of your choices and working to make the ones that will get you closer to the person you want to be that therapy can be deemed "successful". I wouldn't worry about T, T will tell you if there's a problem with what you discuss?

Thank-you for your reassurance that T will tell me if there is a problem. I think it is that I want to protect him - I know that came up once before last year and T said not to worry as he has his own supervision - but the stuff I want to share just seems a little heavy and I am wondering what the benefit of telling him would be other than just off loading it from the bit of my brain that likes to deliberate.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

It would only be the same if you had a broken leg, complained about the pain ~AND~ you were not getting the broken leg treated

You and your feelings and your thoughts are not too much for T.


What do you imagine T thinking/saying/feeling if he were to be 'concerned'?

Yes ok, I get the bit about saying my leg hurts AND getting it fixed - and actually if I take that analogy a little further, maybe it is useful for the person doing the treating to know if this or that manouvre makes it hurt more and therefore to be more careful.

These are things that have happened over the time I have been seeing T - I couldn't tell him at the time, but on reflection I think it would have been very useful to share with him how much I was struggling, so I am worried he will be cross and ask why on earth I didn't speak up at the time and I am also worried that this will make him trust me less when he asks how I am and I reply I am OK.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ut-in-therapy/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...lk-in-therapy/

Thank-you - these were helpful to read through.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by confuseduk

((SD)) By talking about it, hopefully it will help you deal with the pain. Try to talk to your T about how you're feeling. I don't think T will be cross, he'll just want to help you

Thank-you for your reassurance - I just don't want to alarm him - maybe I can think of something to say as an introduction, so that he has the option to say he doesn't want me to share.

[cin1]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

We are starting to talk about my SI and suicidal thoughts. There is close to the edge stuff I have done in the past and although I know these are symptoms of deeper stuff to work on, I have felt scared by my actions and would like to talk about it with T. However I don't want to concern him and also I wonder if it is the same as having a broken leg and just whinging about how much it hurts rather than dealing wiith the pain. Also as this has been since I started T don't want T to be cross.

Why care so much about t feels or what type of mood t has? shouldn't be the other way around"? cin1

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I think it is that I want to protect him... I am wondering what the benefit of telling him would be other than just off loading it from the bit of my brain that likes to deliberate.

Wow - two significant points that I hope you will also share with T.

The first, to discover who ELSE you are "protecting" with your actions, and why?

The 2nd - an old saw but true - confession is good for the soul. Don't underestimate the value of sharing these horrible things with T. I feel so much cleaner! and lighter, now that you mention it.

And 3rd - so as not to have an excuse as to why therapy doesn't work. Too many negatives in that sentence! Otherwise you are purposes cheating yourself? "Well, MAYBE if I had told him about this, I would have been cured, but I didn't. oh well, too late now." You get my drift? Self-sabotage NOT to tell T these things.

Hello again, SoupDragon. My suggestion is for you to print your posts, or the whole thread, for your therapist. There are boundaries in most relationships. You may as well find out right now if there are topics your therapist does not want your to raise. I would be surprised if there are.

I have been to many, many different therapists. None have chastised me for talking about what he/she considered inappropriate topics. All good therapists want consumers that are forthright and are not hesitate to bring up concerns that are bothering them.

Good luck.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by cin1

Why care so much about t feels or what type of mood t has? shouldn't be the other way around"? cin1

It is my default setting - I just can't ever put myself first - thankyou for reminding me, I overlook that bit sometimes. I just don't know how to be different.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by hankster

Wow - two significant points that I hope you will also share with T.

The first, to discover who ELSE you are "protecting" with your actions, and why?

The 2nd - an old saw but true - confession is good for the soul. Don't underestimate the value of sharing these horrible things with T. I feel so much cleaner! and lighter, now that you mention it.

And 3rd - so as not to have an excuse as to why therapy doesn't work. Too many negatives in that sentence! Otherwise you are purposes cheating yourself? "Well, MAYBE if I had told him about this, I would have been cured, but I didn't. oh well, too late now." You get my drift? Self-sabotage NOT to tell T these things.

Wow - you know how to press my buttons hankster - but I totally thank-you for it - yes where did that wanting to protect default setting come from - something for me to ponder over.

Yes to confession too - I think that is what it boils down to really - I know however bad it got, that I got through and am safe now, so in many ways it is not relevant now - but I think I should have highlighted it at the time and so yes it is a guilty confession.

The sabotage bit is interesting too - thinking about it, I think I do it in other parts of my life too.

Plenty of food for thought - off to get some chocolate - thanks.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello again, SoupDragon. My suggestion is for you to print your posts, or the whole thread, for your therapist. There are boundaries in most relationships. You may as well find out right now if there are topics your therapist does not want your to raise. I would be surprised if there are.

I have been to many, many different therapists. None have chastised me for talking about what he/she considered inappropriate topics. All good therapists want consumers that are forthright and are not hesitate to bring up concerns that are bothering them.

Good luck.

Thank-you TheByzantine - my head gets into this place where it goes round and round, fills itself with ifs and buts - of course the thing to do is to ask and find out - thank-you for bringing clarity to my mind.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Yes ok, I get the bit about saying my leg hurts AND getting it fixed - and actually if I take that analogy a little further, maybe it is useful for the person doing the treating to know if this or that manouvre makes it hurt more and therefore to be more careful.

These are things that have happened over the time I have been seeing T - I couldn't tell him at the time, but on reflection I think it would have been very useful to share with him how much I was struggling, so I am worried he will be cross and ask why on earth I didn't speak up at the time and I am also worried that this will make him trust me less when he asks how I am and I reply I am OK.

I can't speak for your T, but based on my own experiences, I imagine your T will be very glad that you bring these things to therapy now while at the same time he might be curious about why it was not possible to bring them before now or to speak about them in the moment. It is all something to learn about.
Do you think your idea of him being cross might not be based on your experiences with him, but instead based on experiences with others?

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I can't speak for your T, but based on my own experiences, I imagine your T will be very glad that you bring these things to therapy now while at the same time he might be curious about why it was not possible to bring them before now or to speak about them in the moment. It is all something to learn about.
Do you think your idea of him being cross might not be based on your experiences with him, but instead based on experiences with others?

I think it was just that my thoughts / feelings were never important in my family - I SI as a child and always kept it secret - I can hear my mothers voice in my head if I imagine telling her about it - Oh "SoupDragon" you silly girl, what have you done that for, or else being overly worried if she knew about the other stuff and probably breaking down hysterically.

I hadn't really considered that before, but I suppose that may be why I am worried about T - incidently my T has previously picked up on the fact that I always want to protect my mother - had forgotton that too. Thanks Echoes

[SilentLucidity]

Perhaps think of it this way - if T is going to help you don't they need all the important information? If your thoughts help T gauge just how bad you are/were feeling then T probably would find them useful. If T has been doing their job for a while then they must have bumped up against similar stuff because it is their job to help people with these thoughts/actions - especially people like you who are actively seeking help.

I had a discussion with my T early on about similar concerns and we didn't get too far into it before T asked, "Can I give you permission to not worry about me and what I need? We are here to focus on your needs."

Maybe you could start by discussing your worries about "protecting" T with T and see how that goes.

[zbmom]

You should feel free to talk about anything but make sure you communicate your needs. Make sure you say "I really just need to talk about these things and get some support in a safe place, but I do not have any intention of taking my life" or something along those lines. That way T knows what you need and doesn't feel like they have to send you inpatient or something when you were just venting.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by SilentLucidity

Perhaps think of it this way - if T is going to help you don't they need all the important information? If your thoughts help T gauge just how bad you are/were feeling then T probably would find them useful. If T has been doing their job for a while then they must have bumped up against similar stuff because it is their job to help people with these thoughts/actions - especially people like you who are actively seeking help.

I had a discussion with my T early on about similar concerns and we didn't get too far into it before T asked, "Can I give you permission to not worry about me and what I need? We are here to focus on your needs."

Maybe you could start by discussing your worries about "protecting" T with T and see how that goes.

Thank-you - I am so good at putting on my mask, maybe I am also a little scared of showing T just how vulnerable I am underneath it - actually I had a dream about T last night - only the 2nd one ever I have had - I have thought about it today and I do think it suggests I am worried about T finding a way in to the real me and then feeling completely exposed and controlled by him and him not noticing how much pain I am feeling.

Have you been able to not worry about your T as he suggested?

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by zbmom

You should feel free to talk about anything but make sure you communicate your needs. Make sure you say "I really just need to talk about these things and get some support in a safe place, but I do not have any intention of taking my life" or something along those lines. That way T knows what you need and doesn't feel like they have to send you inpatient or something when you were just venting.

Yes to put it in context to begin with sounds a good idea - the only reason I know I can talk about this stuff now, is because I feel more in control of myself - if I was feeling overwhelmed I would not want to go anywhere near this stuff and discuss it with T --hmm, hadn't thought that before, maybe that was why I didn't discuss it before, because it didn't feel safe enough.

Thanks zbmom