[BlessedRhiannon]

There's something I've been wanting to talk to my T about for quite a while now, but I've simply been too afraid to say it. So, I wrote my T a really long email, and just told her everything I've been afraid to say. I let it sit in my draft folder for 24 hours, to make sure I really wanted to send it...and then I sent it!!! What was I thinking?! I'm so afraid of what she'll say! I told my T that I didn't expect an in-depth reply and that I know this is stuff we need to actually talk about in a session, I was just emailing because I can never manage to bring it up and I need to. I just asked my T if she would please reply with an acknowledgement that she'd gotten the email.

My T is really amazing and I know that I don't have anything to really fear. I know she'll be gentle and understanding and willing to listen to whatever I have to say. At the same time, I'm still absolutely terrified of what her response will be. Part of me wishes I'd waited until later in the week to send the email off, so that I wouldn't have to wait so long until my next session on Thursday. Part of me is glad I sent it now. Mostly, I'm just in shock that I got up the courage to send it at all.

[SoupDragon]

Hi blessedrhiannon - I often want to tell T things, but am too scared to during the sessions, or the words just don't come out how I want them to. So writing it down is easier for me. I then deliberate whether to send it or not, but do send it as then I don't have to deliberate. Sometimes T will send a brief reply, sometimes I don't get a response at all.

T will then in the session say that the e-mail was received, but up until now has not brought up any issues that I may have written - I assume because T wants me to do that myself.

Once T said did I want to talk about the e-mail and I said no - T said that can be hard sometimes for people, like a loss and I have felt that sometimes, that I have missed the opportunity.

However now, T does sometimes say if there is no other issue for me to bring up, that we could start looking at my e-mails and I think we may therefore revisit them soon.

I know the best thing is to talk in the sessions, but it is so hard sometimes, yet there is stuff that I want T to know about me.

It is strange isn't it, that on the one hand we realluy know that T is going to be fine about everything, but on the other we are scared about their response.

Good luck, it is nice to hear that you have such a good relationship with your T and well done for sending that e-mail to T, I do think it helps knowing T knows that stuff - Soup

[BlessedRhiannon]

It is strange isn't it, that on the one hand we realluy know that T is going to be fine about everything, but on the other we are scared about their response.

Good luck, it is nice to hear that you have such a good relationship with your T and well done for sending that e-mail to T, I do think it helps knowing T knows that stuff

Thanks Soup. Yes, it's strange...I do know that my T will probably be fine, but I'm still terrified of her response. I felt physically ill after sending the email, and I still keep wishing I could recall it.

I got an automated response that my T is out of town and not checking emails until Tuesday morning, so at least I know not to expect a response until then. I'm really scared to go to my session on Thursday!

[rainbow8]

BR, I know what you're going through because many times I send my T emails that I know I wouldn't be able to tell her in person. It just pours out of me and I send them to her. She always writes that we will talk about my emails in the session and she has told me that no matter what I write she will always like me very much.

I know that terrified feeling, though. I'm sure you will be okay once you get to your session. You don't have to talk about everything you wrote all at once, either. You can still go slowly, but at least it's out, not whirling around in your mind!

We always think that our Ts will be repulsed by our thoughts and feelings, or by our experiences. But that never happens. In my experience, my T has been happy that I feel safe enough to share my innermost feelings with her. She continually tells me that she does not judge me. She accepts my feelings, whatever they are. I'm sure your T does too. I'm writing this to help me, too, as I'm thinking about my upcoming session.

[BlessedRhiannon]

You can still go slowly, but at least it's out, not whirling around in your mind!

That's exactly why I finally emailed my T. The thoughts just kept whirling around in my head, and writing them in my journal wasn't enough.

In my experience, my T has been happy that I feel safe enough to share my innermost feelings with her. She continually tells me that she does not judge me. She accepts my feelings, whatever they are. I'm sure your T does too. I'm writing this to help me, too, as I'm thinking about my upcoming session.

Yes, my T has told me the same....but, my previous two T's, I did not feel that same acceptance from, so I still have that thought in the back of my head that maybe my T now will change. I don't really think she will, but I'm just not 100% sure! I hope your upcoming session goes well, and I hope mine is not too painful!

[BlessedRhiannon]

Crap - T will see my email tomorrow. I'm terrified of what her response will be!!! In my email, I told her I didn't expect an in-depth response but would appreciate an acknowledgement that she got my email. I'm not sure what I'm hoping she'll respond with...just a "got your email, we'll talk in session" or something more. Then I'm terrified of what my session on Thursday will be like. Gah! What was I thinking with that email.

[rainbow8]

Try not to worry! Your T will be fine with your email. I know what you mean about other Ts. Once a T told me that no one would tell their T what I told a previous T. That made me think I'm weird and I held back. But other Ts, including my current one, say nothing is TMI in therapy, and they made me feel safe to say anything at all.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Once a T told me that no one would tell their T what I told a previous T.

Who died and made that first T Freud?! They certainly had a high opinion of their opinions! I am... well obviously not speechless, but I can't believe someone would say such a thing, esp. to a client, but really at all!

[dizgirl2011]

I am proud of you for the courage it took to hit the send button hun!! And I bet your T will be too when she reads your message!

I hope you get a response from her that is reassuring, as i am sure you will

[Wysteria]

Hi Rhi...

I'll bet your T will be grateful that you took the time to write out what has been troubling you! And if you are anything like me you worked hard to get it to say exactly how you were feeling and used the right words and were able to say what needed to be said. And you agreed earlier that it was much better than having it all swirling in your head getting bigger and bigger...which is always true.

I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious and vulnerable right now..I know how that sucks.. but you will be so glad when she responds and is grateful to you for sharing with her and bringing up things for discussion..I'm sure she will honour your thoughts and feelings and respect you all the more for sharing them with her.

You did good and were very brave...

Huggles,

WB

[Wren_]

I know it feels really scary now; especially the waiting (I'm really not good with waiting) but I think you did a really good thing in writing and sending the email. As you said, you even waited with it in draft after writing so you know that even though this feels horrible right now you do want to address what you shared with her and that this was a positive step in that direction. I hope she does send you some kind of acknowledgement soon and that when it does come time for your session it really helps to talk about all of this.

[BlessedRhiannon]

T replied first thing this morning. It was exactly what I needed for right now...she just offered reassurance and encouragement and acknowledged that she got the email and we'd talk about it in session. Now the countdown to the actual session begins...52 hours away.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Seeing T tomorrow! Yikes. I'm starting to panic a little about this. I'm going to have to re-read and probably print out the email I sent her so we can discuss it. Seriously not looking forward to this.

[Wren_]

I'm glad you got the reassurance and acknowledgement you needed from your T I know you aren't looking forward to this, but I hope that even still it will be a really productive and helpful time for you

[BlessedRhiannon]

Thanks tigergirl. Got an amusing email from my T this morning, which means she was probably either reviewing or printing out the email I sent. Gah!!! 3 and a half hours to go.