[SoupDragon]

I think I am losing motivation for going to see T. I think I had started to feel more connected, but have successfully avoided emailing in between sessions for the last 2 weeks and now not feeling excited or anxiour about session tomorrow. Feels like I'd rather watch paint dry. Anyone else experience this?

[popeye]

I get more out of seeing my Pdoc thanseeing a T.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I think I am losing motivation for going to see T. I think I had started to feel more connected, but have successfully avoided emailing in between sessions for the last 2 weeks and now not feeling excited or anxiour about session tomorrow. Feels like I'd rather watch paint dry. Anyone else experience this?

Sounds like you're bored, Soup. A very interesting and psychologically meaningful state of mind. Hope you tell T about it. I can't say I share the feeling. I'm about as committed as it's possible to be. But I'll admit there are aspects that could make you think of having your teeth cleaned by the hygienist while you're staring at the ceiling. So much of therapy is going over and over the same stuff until you're free of it. The freedom is great, but the "over and over" part can drag.

I think that many T's like to say that not wanting to go to a session is a sign that there is something you really need to deal with.

Does it really feel like motivation, if you pick it up and examine it from all angles? Or could it be avoidance, like something important but difficult to face is at the center of it?

Anne

[SilentLucidity]

Maybe it's okay to not feel excited or anxious. Maybe it will be a nice change of pace and something wonderfully wonderful will happen.

[vaffla]

My guess would be that you're angry. Is it possible? Dig deep...

[Wren_]

do you think it's connected to the massage T experience at all; or separate from that? .... or something else causing the lack of motivation ...

[SoupDragon]

I have just revisited this thread as I was about to post something similar then had a vague recollection that I was repeating myself. The boredom is still there - but also something else, like I just want to go to see T and talk about everything and get it over and done with - I just don't know whether the 60 minutes a week to stir everything up is worth the other however many minutes there are in a week, left to deal with it on my own. Like I wait all week to see T and then it is over in a blink and I am cast off into the thick of it again for the rest of the week. I'm just getting a bit sick of this introspection.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I have just revisited this thread as I was about to post something similar then had a vague recollection that I was repeating myself. The boredom is still there - but also something else, like I just want to go to see T and talk about everything and get it over and done with - I just don't know whether the 60 minutes a week to stir everything up is worth the other however many minutes there are in a week, left to deal with it on my own. Like I wait all week to see T and then it is over in a blink and I am cast off into the thick of it again for the rest of the week. I'm just getting a bit sick of this introspection.

I sooo understand this. I could have written this entire post.

I haven't been back to therapy in a month after a particularly bad session and now i've closed myself down and am not experiencing all these massive, confusing, harrowing feelings, i think why the hell am i putting myself thru all of this? I don't know if or when i am going to go back...

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

[/COLOR]

I haven't been back to therapy in a month after a particularly bad session and now i've closed myself down and am not experiencing all these massive, confusing, harrowing feelings, i think why the hell am i putting myself thru all of this? ...

I completely understand this. I often wonder if the cure is worse than the disease.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

[/color]

I sooo understand this. I could have written this entire post.

I haven't been back to therapy in a month after a particularly bad session and now i've closed myself down and am not experiencing all these massive, confusing, harrowing feelings, i think why the hell am i putting myself thru all of this? I don't know if or when i am going to go back...

Hi Asiablue - thanks for your post - do you think you are "happier" not going to see a T?

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I completely understand this. I often wonder if the cure is worse than the disease.

Hi stopdog - I feel that I have to keep going to see T and there are no options - like if I decide it is not doing me any good then I must be "resisting" or there is something behind me not going, which means I have to keep going. But on the other hand if I stop going and then regret it, there may be no way back in to see T and I will have lost out.

It is good to hear that I am not on my own with these doubts though. Soup

[skysblue]

Soup, I suspect these are common emotions. I know I have felt them. And the boredom or emptiness? - In my case I discovered it was some unconscious pulling back. I had detached from my feelings because it was getting too much. But I just called it a 'blank' feeling. I had even called T to tell her I should cancel my appointment when that happened. I told her I had nothing to bring - that I was neutral and that there seemed to be no point. My call to cancel wasn't caused by anxiety or fear, but boredom, I thought.
Anyways, she told me that was the best time to come into session and definitely I should not cancel. And she was right.

[Asiablue]

hi Soup, i think i'm happier in the short-term because i'm not dealing with any of the feelings therapy brings. But i know deep down, the issues that haunt me are most definitely still there and will prevent me from coping with future events of depression. I know i need to address these because i refuse to live the rest of my life with ghosts from the past.

I probably will go back, i think my reluctance to go back is down to 1) being glad i'm not feeling all these things that therapy induces 2) Last session was hard and i emailed her how i was feeling and i was totally honest, she was soooo lovely and attentive and said exactly what i needed but now i'm a bit embaressed and know that i'll need to talk about these things when i go back. 3) i am testing her (bad i know, and fruitless)

So i suppose i am avoiding. So i think the lesson is don't seek advice from me hahahaha

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

hi Soup, i think i'm happier in the short-term because i'm not dealing with any of the feelings therapy brings. But i know deep down, the issues that haunt me are most definitely still there and will prevent me from coping with future events of depression. I know i need to address these because i refuse to live the rest of my life with ghosts from the past.

I probably will go back, i think my reluctance to go back is down to 1) being glad i'm not feeling all these things that therapy induces 2) Last session was hard and i emailed her how i was feeling and i was totally honest, she was soooo lovely and attentive and said exactly what i needed but now i'm a bit embaressed and know that i'll need to talk about these things when i go back. 3) i am testing her (bad i know, and fruitless)

So i suppose i am avoiding. So i think the lesson is don't seek advice from me hahahaha

lol - oh dear, thought I had found someone to collude with - I am sure you are right, well not sure as I still have these doubts, but I think saying I will keep going is probably the "appropriate" response in these circumstances. Thanks and good luck to you asiablue.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Soup, I suspect these are common emotions. I know I have felt them. And the boredom or emptiness? - In my case I discovered it was some unconscious pulling back. I had detached from my feelings because it was getting too much. But I just called it a 'blank' feeling. I had even called T to tell her I should cancel my appointment when that happened. I told her I had nothing to bring - that I was neutral and that there seemed to be no point. My call to cancel wasn't caused by anxiety or fear, but boredom, I thought.
Anyways, she told me that was the best time to come into session and definitely I should not cancel. And she was right.

Hi skyblue - yes I do feel pretty detached from most things right now, even PC. I guess I can get my head round the fact that boredom may equate with unconsious pulling back and I had just been thinking of cancelling my session due to my boredom, but know T will challenge it. I hope this boredom passes.

[mcl6136]

I haven't been back either and I'm feeling a lot more even and stable. Maybe this is the "disease" and the cure really was worse....The times between sessions used to last forever, and I'd do a lot of "reviews" in my mind, and now, I have to say I feel a lot less chaotic. Because of the lack of support that I had, I felt like I was opening myself up (undressing, almost) in front of someone who judged me. And that is why I can sympathize with people who now are feeling some disconnection or apathy about the whole T process. I can soooo relate!

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I haven't been back either and I'm feeling a lot more even and stable. Maybe this is the "disease" and the cure really was worse....The times between sessions used to last forever, and I'd do a lot of "reviews" in my mind, and now, I have to say I feel a lot less chaotic. Because of the lack of support that I had, I felt like I was opening myself up (undressing, almost) in front of someone who judged me. And that is why I can sympathize with people who now are feeling some disconnection or apathy about the whole T process. I can soooo relate!

Yes this is where the biggest part of me is - I am me, I have had these experiences that have been unpleasant, but no amount of T is going to get rid of them - yes I have some difficulties functioning, but hey there is a lot that is OK with me too - maybe I should stop concentrating on the things that I find difficult and start concentrating on what I can do - life can be very short and maybe I just need to get on with it and stop stirring up all this grief and torturous feelings - maybe my body knows what is best for me and maybe it is OK to just block this stuff?

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Yes this is where the biggest part of me is - I am me, I have had these experiences that have been unpleasant, but no amount of T is going to get rid of them - yes I have some difficulties functioning, but hey there is a lot that is OK with me too - maybe I should stop concentrating on the things that I find difficult and start concentrating on what I can do - life can be very short and maybe I just need to get on with it and stop stirring up all this grief and torturous feelings - maybe my body knows what is best for me and maybe it is OK to just block this stuff?

This is what i struggle with too, therapy isn't going to cure the sadness it just makes it easier to hold. But i don't want the sadness and loss in the first place. If therapy can't make it all go away then why rake over it, time and time again. It's almost like self-harm!

Some things do just have to be put away in a box and not looked at again, there comes a point where it's all that's left to be done. I think therapy is just a support system, if you can go it alone and be safe and ok with things, then maybe that's what you need to do. Everyone carries scars of bad experiences i think, it's just that some people deal with it better and that's why the don't need a therapist. I dunno, i'm not helping am i lol?

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Yes this is where the biggest part of me is - I am me, I have had these experiences that have been unpleasant, but no amount of T is going to get rid of them - yes I have some difficulties functioning, but hey there is a lot that is OK with me too - maybe I should stop concentrating on the things that I find difficult and start concentrating on what I can do - life can be very short and maybe I just need to get on with it and stop stirring up all this grief and torturous feelings - maybe my body knows what is best for me and maybe it is OK to just block this stuff?

Life CAN be very short. A death in my family is what brought me into therapy to begin with. And dealing with my cold, distant T recapitulated a lot of this stuff..yes, it stirred those feelings up in ways were not at all healthy or particularly growth-oriented, as therapy CAN BE, there is no doubt. I found the sessions with this particular T to be very destabilizing, to the point where I was really worried about self harm. Now, I'm doing a lot of yoga, walking, and being with my animals and I'm feeling a lot more stable and happy. I'm not saying that those things are methods of blocking the grief, but actually dealing with pain in ways that are different from in T but no less valid, I think. Also, those methods got me out of my head, where a lot of my thought process felt very reactive, fearful (of T!), negative, obsessive. For me at this juncture, therapy can do more harm than good, at least with the practitioner I was seeing. I'm so surprised to be at this juncture, but hey, that's where I am!

[SoupDragon]

[quote=Asiablue;2022510] It's almost like self-harm!

quote]

I told T that I wanted to start talking about this stuff, but also highlighted exactly what you have put there, that it felt like another way that I could be abusive to myself.

These posts are helpful to me - I have all these doubts and didn't know where to go with them - can't share them with T as he is bound to be one sided and label me as resisting, or else say "don't come then" and I don't know if that is what I want either.

Is this just about having a hard time and resisting, or is it actually unless I want to commit to the next 5 years with T, the results are not going to be worth the investment both in terms of time, money and pain.

[Asiablue]

[QUOTE=SoupDragon;2022713]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

It's almost like self-harm!

quote]

I told T that I wanted to start talking about this stuff, but also highlighted exactly what you have put there, that it felt like another way that I could be abusive to myself.

These posts are helpful to me - I have all these doubts and didn't know where to go with them - can't share them with T as he is bound to be one sided and label me as resisting, or else say "don't come then" and I don't know if that is what I want either.

Is this just about having a hard time and resisting, or is it actually unless I want to commit to the next 5 years with T, the results are not going to be worth the investment both in terms of time, money and pain.

I don't know, it could be resistance or it could be "therapy fatigue" (made that up all by myself )
maybe you need a break. But either way i think you need to discuss with your therapy.

[SoupDragon]

[quote=Asiablue;2022728]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I don't know, it could be resistance or it could be "therapy fatigue" (made that up all by myself )
maybe you need a break. But either way i think you need to discuss with your therapy.

Yes "therapy fatigue" sounds like a relevant therapeutic term lol - I shall try to raise that with T and see what response I get "T I think I have therapy fatigue" - thanks asiablue

[Asiablue]

[QUOTE=SoupDragon;2022735]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Yes "therapy fatigue" sounds like a relevant therapeutic term lol - I shall try to raise that with T and see what response I get "T I think I have therapy fatigue" - thanks asiablue

Haha i would love to hear his response!

[SoupDragon]

[quote=Asiablue;2022738]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Haha i would love to hear his response!

lol - if I am brave enough to ask (don't hold your breath though, I am a complete coward in that room) - I will let you know his response.