Does T. make the difference?

I'm struggling and I'm frustrated. I started talk or psychodynamic therapy nine months ago for anger and feeling out of control and have figured out some things that I buried deep down I buried alive. I have identified some big issues I need to work through. I've brought them to my T. attention...we try to talk about them... but I get triggered.... I dissociate... I do everything but "work through" them. Now I'm not consciously avoiding these things...I'm the one who told T. I want to work through these things but I can't get to a place emotionally to do that...

I think the psychodynamic (talk) therapy theory is that the healing happens in the theraputic relationship....So for those of you who have had more than one T. in your journey or who just have an opinion.... Does the T. make the difference? I'm just wondering if a different therapist would be able to get me over the hump or if its just me and this is as far as I'll get....I see a male T. and maybe things would be different with a female T?.. I'm paying $120 for 45 minutes and I'm beginning to wonder about the cost vs benefit of continuing therapy...

I struggle with this too, and am interested in any responses.

Nine months does not seem very long to me. I would go for consistency and working with the same person for longer. There are layers of stuff; even when you get over your humps, they may just end up being foothills and there might be mountains behind them.

((((((Readytostop))))))

For me, this is part of the "working through". T told me that every time I "go there"..to the triggery, hard stuff...even for a minute, I am learning to tolerate it just a little bit more. It took me 3 1/2 years to get to the hardest stuff in my therapy, and at the rate I'm going, it feels like it will take me another 3 1/2 years to get through it. BUT, as slowly as it's going, I do feel like there is some kind of general forward movement. I used to get triggered and dissociate and it would take me DAYS to get back to "normal". Now, I usually can get grounded again during the appointment, and have a normal day when I leave. Not always, but more often than not. I still can't sit there and talk about it, but just being able to be triggered and come back is progress, and I trust that it will keep getting better.

A few years ago, T pointed out to me that when I got close to something hard, I would say "I want to talk about something else" and change the subject immediately. He asked me if I could just try to stay with it for a minute before we moved on to something else. So, I did, and that was probably the beginning of starting to move through stuff (SLOWLY).

I'm pretty positive I couldn't handle moving any more quickly than we're moving. T tells me sometimes, "you're moving at exactly the pace you're supposed to move, and you are exactly where you are supposed to be. It couldn't happen any other way."

Nine months was still the beginning phase of therapy for me. There was one hard thing we talked about in that time, but it was mostly the incredibly slow process of building trust, learning to cope with feelings, etc. Nothing even close to "working through" the really hard stuff.

I feel SO impatient to just HEAL already, but I think we need to be gentle with ourselves and let it take the time it needs.

Have you told T that you're feeling frustrated about this? Maybe he needs to hear where you're at with it so he can gently push you a little...or maybe you're right where you're supposed to be and he can give you some reassurance about that.

Be gentle with you.

I'm with Treehouse all the way. I've been working with T for 18 months and have only recently had enough insights to begin working them through. It's also psychodynamic psychotherapy, which is the only type I'm comfortable with. Considering how deeply this stuff was buried I'll be lucky if we make progress quickly. I really don't know as I'd trust a new T who assured me, oh yes, I can get you through this much faster. They're not really in control, and they do want to make sure you don't really fall apart. So, yes, raise all of these points with your now T. Talk them over at length. Take care!

i def think the T makes a differance.they are human and all are very differnt from one onother and they all bring a part of them to the relationship.this i think will affect how you react to them and T.body language,attitude,mannerisms.etc...a lot about a T can affect the relationship in a great way or in a not so good way.i think this is what is meant when weather or not it is a good fit is asked.i may be wrong but this is my 2C

For me, the T does make the difference. But it also makes a difference about where you are in your healing. My first T was a college T and I was being "forced" to see him. I refused to answer most of his questions. But he kept just being there for me. He was showing me that a person could just hold that space for me, no matter how terrified I was of being in that situation. Being with him actually taught me HOW to do therapy. It wasn't until years later that I returned to the therapy I am in now.

Therapy is a journey. And not all Ts are good matches with all clients.
There is nothing wrong with "shopping around" for the type of therapy you feel benifits you. My T went through about 20 of his own Ts before finding the one he still calls his T.

Yes! The T DEFINITELY makes the difference! I went through 3 ****** T's before I found the one I am with now. I don't even think I can call what I did with the others as therapy. There was no depth, honesty, or curiosuty on either parts with the former T's. A strong therapeutic alliance is crucial!

I know 9 months seems like a long time, but it really isn't. I've worked intensely with 3 different T's over my adult lifetime, each for at least 3 years at a time. I've been with my current T for going on 7 years (I think; I've lost track.) Each T brought something new to the table. Each T worked with me in different aspects of my healing. You go through stages of healing, I think. Sometimes you stall out for awhile because you are in avoidance, sometimes you make progress by leaps and bounds, sometimes you are in despair.

Perhaps what is going on with you in therapy right now is really more about where you are in your journey than it is about the therapist. When you are ready, you'll move forward. Be patient with yourself.

Hello, Readytostop. My suggestion is for you to print a copy of your post for your therapist. Maybe it is time to take a look at the treatment plan and make any appropriate changes. I have asked my therapist in times like you describe if he/she thinks he/she can help me. Some have said no.

Good luck.

I have had two therapists. Neither was psychodynamic. The first was somewhat CBT. The second/current is eclectic/family systems/humanistic. I have made much more progress with the second therapist. The first one helped me somewhat, but on different things mainly than the second. I left the first because she couldn't help me with my big problem at the time, which the second was able to do. I think the reason the second T could help more is partly because he has a bigger therapeutic skill set (the first was pretty limited: take a bubble bath and you will feel better kind of stuff) and because he and I have an extremely connected relationship. He "gets" me and we are super close. He is also very insightful and we engage with each other at both intellectual and emotional levels. He is my companion on my journey. We "have it all." I did not have a close relationship with my first T--she was nice, but no connection worth noting. So yes, I think the T makes a big difference!

I like what farmergirl wrote about there being different stages of healing and about different Ts helping at different stages. That is how I think about my two therapists. When I moved on to a new stage of healing, I needed a different T who could go there with me.

Several here have commented that 9 months is early in therapy. That is true. However, I saw my first therapist off and on for close to a year and I do not believe that if I had stayed with her longer I would have made any more progress. I had exhausted her tool set. And we didn't have the relationship, which I didn't realize at the time could be so important. So I think if you can determine that a particular T is not helping and will not be able to help no matter how long you stick it out, there is no reason to stay longer. This is an important decision, though, and really good to discuss with the T. I think if the T can't help you anymore, they would probably agree and help you find a different practitioner. Maybe ask yourself 1) does your T have the skills that can help you and 2) do you and your T have connection, relationship, closeness, a bond, an alliance, etc. If the answers are yes-yes, then do not leave this T! If no-no, leave. If yes-no or no-yes, hmmmm, that's a harder decision (and be sure to discuss with your T).

Good luck to you, Readytostop.

The T definitely makes a difference!!! I have tried out 9 Ts. 7 were total duds. Same me, same problems, way different results with different Ts.

The T/me relationship is crucial. And I think there is even research about these sorts of things. I don't know....but my experience assures me that's the case.

I'm in month 9 of psychodynamic therapy, too. I thought I'd go for a few months and deal with the issue I first saw her for. Well..I discovered that the original problem was only scratching the surface of what needs to heal. The sessions now alternate between our relationship, present day stuff and re-experiencing/feeling my childhood in layers. You have to follow your gut, ReadytoStop, but I think you should give it more time. You T probably knows where you are and is handling things in the best way he sees fit. -BJ

I think the T does really make a difference. I've had 3 T's, and my current one is the only one I've ever really connected with enough to trust and to make real progress with. My previous T's kept me safe when I was at really low points in my life, but I didn't make much real progress with them...I didn't trust them enough, and I couldn't relate to them, and I felt like they didn't really understand me.

However, it also took me over a year and a half to really trust my current T, and after those 18 months, I finally felt safe enough to bring up the big stuff. I couldn't actually start working on it for another 8 months, though, and it's just been in the last three weeks that we've really started working on some of the big stuff (so 2 years, 3 months in to the therapy relationship).

So, maybe your current T isn't the best fit for you, or maybe you just need to give it more time. Only you can really know that. Do you think you have the trust in your T to really let him help you work through the big issues? Do you feel like he has the skills to help you? Does your relationship seem to work well, or do you constantly feel like there's just not quite a connection? Think about the relationship you have and if you don't think it will be helpful, then maybe it's time for a new T.

What a lot of good responses! I can echo what many others have said. I think it's a both/and answer, not an either/or. I've had many T's and some were quite skilled, but I just wasn't in a place to really work with them. With others, it wasn't a good fit. For psychodynamic therapy, 9 months really is not all that long. I've been with my psychodynamic T 3 years, and spent the first year actively questioning what I was doing there... and it's been worth it.
You are the best judge of whether this T is a 'good enough' fit to invest your time and money with. Best of luck and keep us posedt!

Update: I decided to stop therapy. I'm really attached to my T. and just the thought of stopping makes me real sad... I've weighed the pros and cons but I'm not going to write them here because I don't want to be a discouragement to others along their therapy journey....

I started another thread to ask ....Does anyone who left a T. or thought about it, have any ideas of how I could make sure he knows how much I appreciate what we have accomplished? Write it out? Send email? Also if anyone has any support or encouragement to offer about how to get through the painful withdrawl, I'd love to hear it.

I think it can be very difficult to know if the t has the correct skill set.

1. She cured my depression.
2. I have forgiven my mother.
3. I am not angry all the time.
4. I don't fight with my boss all the time.
5. I can see the love that was always there but I couldn't see before.
6. I can look people in the eye.
7. Sex with my wife has gone from "excellent" to "mindblowing".

Same here.

Remember: you can go back.

I left my current therapist three times, went back three times.