When should my therapist be angry with me?

As a human being, my therapist has a right to all her emotions.

But as a therapist, I feel her anger should be "professional".

I reckon she has a right, indeed a duty to be angry with me if:
1. I break the rules.
2. I break a promise.
3. I lie to her.
4. I do bodily harm to myself or others.

But I don't think she has any professional right to be angry when:
1. I choose not to follow her advice (and accept the consequences for that).
2. I find comfort in paths other than psychotherapy.

How do my fellow sufferers feel about this?

I'm okay that my T got angry, because he handled it professionally. It actually kind of helped to see that someone can get mad at me and it can end safely.

I wonder if it's more a question of that they might "be angry" (professional or not the emotion can come anyway) but what they then do with it?

Some might feel a moment of anger if you reject their advice for example, especially if they believe that the advice you follow instead is harmful to you and that their advice would have led to healing. So that the anger is really out of concern for you; and yet, they need to be able to express that in a way that is kind, caring and professional rather than any kind of lashing out, hurtful response.

Or they may be angry with a choice; but not with you, and again, the main issue would be what they do with their anger?

So anger the emotion could be present; but what the T does with it in the therapy environment should be "professional"

my T has gotten angry with me for not making the progress she thinks I should be making, and I think that's inappropriate. However, I have done my share of inappropriate things, too, so I guess fair's fair.

Anger is neither right, wrong, good, or bad. It's what you do with it and how you show it that matters. She can be angry for whatever reason she please - it's about how she expresses that anger and how she utilizes that anger in your treatment.

I think as a T one could easily get upset/angry when one doesn't follow the advice. For someone to continue to come back to you, want your time and expertise, then go against the advice (for me it has to be a rather consistent going against what I suggest) that puts us in the place of like - well, then what's the point of you coming if I say to do "A" and you do "V"?

My T has often been annoyed/frustrated with me.
It's not quite the same, but it's a learning experience to me that I have to follow through with my emotions, and get closure from it.

Never. The t should never be angry with you. You pay them for their time and you can you do what ever you want with their advice.

Hmmmm... At one point (years ago) I said I felt she was withholding her anger and it didn't feel real.
No anger = doesn't care.

So maybe it's my own fault that she's so free with her anger now!

i dont think T should ever be angry with you either, disappointed maybe but not angry. And yes, I can see T being having reason to be disappointed about all those things. When it comes to not following advice and seeking comfort elsewhere, I understand what you are saying and I agree we have the right to do that and T shouldnt be upset, but I can see how Ts may be upset. I am going thru this with my own T right now. His whole demeanor toward me has changed and he says there is no reason to see me as much because I am working some with my pdoc on my anxiety. His behavior is telling me that he is upset by this and I feel he has no right to be responding the way he is. I feel he is being childish. So yeah, I agree with your statement that T doesnt have a right to be taking it out on me because he is upset that I sought advice from another caregiver.

That is the human reaction, but is it professional?

And it's not like I never do what she says. But this time I got advice from another source (my wife, as it happens) that I thought would work better. And I am very satisfied with the outcome.

I don't agree with you stopdog because it's impossible to be that perfect all the time if they are honest about what they're feeling. But they don't have to tell the client they are angry if it's inappropriate. They certainly shouldn't yell or take revenge in any way. They should realize they were angry and then think about why they got angry so they know how to deal with it better next time. For example, once the therapist realizes he got angry, he could try to understand the client better so the therapist can be more patient next time and not get angry when the same situation comes up again.

Even as a professional we use transparancy to tell our clients when there is intense feelings (like anger) going on. It's part of therapy. Just because one is in their 'professional' role does not mean one abandons all that is human.

And if you don't do it all the time - if your wife gave you good advice that made a good, positive impact - then, I don't understand the issue. I'm always pleased to come up with the answer WITH my clients (if that means sound advice from a wife/teacher/friend/plumber) then, what's it to me? As long as it's a healthy, positive thing.

I think it is perfectly fine for a T to get annoyed/frustrated/irritated/agitated/angry, or any other emotion with a client, as long as it is discussed in a gentle, caring, healthy way which is helpful and promotes the client's healing and well being.

My T has gotten frustrated with me, on several occasions. Usually when I si, even after calling her for help. It's human for her to get frustrated, it's human to get angry.
I think it's ok for t's to get angry, as long as they are constructive about it and explain what is going on. My t will tell me, I am frustrated because... and explain her reasoning

I have never seen a t do it in a way that is helpful. If others have, then I am glad it worked for you. Basically they are paid to provide a service. If they are getting all worked up by dealing with a client, then they should go deal with it elsewhere or tell the client to find someone else who has a better handle on themselves.

Don't think any of the reasons listed in original post would cause anger. Its your therapy, if the therapist is demonstrating anger, then it becomes her therapy.

I'm wondering what anger looks like to you? Could you be seeing/hearing/feeling disappointment, frustration and taking it as anger? Maybe (most likely) I am wrong, but to me anger is a really intense emotion. When I'm angry I am unreasonable and not able to carry on a conversation with anyone. When I am frustrated or disappointed I am much more able to figure things out and talk through it.

My T gets frustrated with me at times. She doesn't always show it but I can feel it during the session.

is that really anger, though? i mean, i have certainly had to have the "okay, so what are we doing here?" conversation on many occasions. but i wouldnt say i was angry.

But what difference does it make to the therapist? They are getting paid. What the client does with the information or situation is up to the client.

if your therapist's only goal is to power through the hour with you for that sweet sweet paycheck at the end, i am really very sorry, but that ain't me.

i am a therapist because i want to help my clients. if i feel that i am not helping my clients, then i no longer want their money. im not a paid friend. i have lots of friends for free. if i get the sense that i am not helping a client move forward or grow or attain the goals we set out together, then its time to re-think this collaboration.

Stopdog, I have such strong opinions about this myself because I have had less than perfect therapy experiences. T's are not a one size fits all. Although it may be my experience, it has not been the experience with many of my friends and other PC'ers. I believe there are ways for a T to share both, positive and negative, feelings with a client in ways that can be helpful.

T's are paid to provide a service,but they are human. They have thoughts, feelings, experiences, challenges,(not to mention, a past) much like you and me.

I agree if they can't check their feelings at the door and provide healthy ways of helping a client, then they need supervision or to consider a referral.

The OP's original question was "When should my therapist be angry with me?" and listed some personal opinions on when it is appropriate and when it is not. I think it is ALWAYS appropriate when handled in a healthy way and it promotes the well being and healing of a client. In this particular case, the OP's choice to act out might be frustrating the T because the T DOES care and wants to help the client see their own self-defeating patterns, and ultimately, their own self-worth. Why would that not be appropriate to say?

If those people having emotions around a client is useful for the client then I am glad to hear it can happen. I am still wary of the idea one of them being actually angry is useful, but if someone reports having found help in an angry t, i am not going to say it did not happen.

I fully agree they are flawed human beings like everyone else, just that they are paid to keep their emotions away from the client.

i think the idea of wanting to help or wanting to have a collaboration on the part of the therapist to be quite dangerous. They are not paid friends -a horrifying idea indeed.

If I did that, I hope my T would be very angry.

Hmmm. Sometimes ANGER = LOVE. This requires further thought.

If someone is frustrated and disappointed and raises her voice, that's anger.