[skysblue]

My T makes a place of sanctuary for me in her office.. It's only there and nowhere else in the world where it's perfectly o.k. to be who I am. It takes a lot of time for trust to build but slowly and slowly she has woven a net of safety.

But there's even more than that. She's able to bring forth from me words about that which I was not aware of (about my own self). She beckons to the inner 'child' (is that the word? or is it the 'core'? or is it...?) to show itself and she does it so gently and so naturally that the hidden frightened True Self is compelled to emerge. But not by any sense of force, rather from a kind and loving invitation.

She's a magician; she's a healer; she's has introduced me to who I am and she believes in me. She reminds me that my inner critic is up to no good. She tells me that I can manifest and fulfill my dreams. And these are not dreams of a new car or a fantastic vacation but rather the dream we all have of being true to ourselves and finding that which fulfills us and fills us from the depths inside.

That yearning to 'be' and only 'be' is the highest form of desire but unfortunately the mind usually gets in the way with the ever growing crust of illusion/delusion that covers it up. And these illusions/delusions are all the mental constructs that have built over time that inhibit our natural selves.

I am grateful beyond the ability to say the words to my T. There are no words. I can only 'feel' and know that she 'feels' my gratitude.

[rainbow_rose]

your words have affected me deeply, skysblue. i am moved to tears. my therapist is cool like that too.

[rainbow8]

What you wrote is beautiful, skysblue. I'm happy that your T is able to provide that safety for you.

[lastyearisblank]

That is so true and such a rare gift. Why do you think she is able to do that? I really wonder how some Ts get to that point themselves that they can bring it out in others. My new T is (a little) like that too.

[stopdog]

It sounds very nice.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

That is so true and such a rare gift. Why do you think she is able to do that? I really wonder how some Ts get to that point themselves that they can bring it out in others. My new T is (a little) like that too.

I think there must be some kind of natural talent. An ability to really listen and know how to lead the conversation. I think it's something like a dance one is learning or something. She intuitively knows what the next step should be after I've made a step. I don't know - it's an amazing feeling. Limbic resonance in play I guess.

I think that listening to and hearing what people are saying are also a function of the highest level of mindfulness where you keep your expectations about what people might be saying out of the interaction. Maybe this is just total openness that allows the person's authentic self to emerge.

I think this is openness is different than having no idea of what's going on with someone and how to guide them to where they need to go. It's not a "blank slate" to project onto, although that may be a piece of it.

I think it also might be a somewhat paradoxical twin of using your own experiences and who you are to connect to what people are saying while simultaneously suspending your beliefs and expectations about how people are supposed to feel and think.

At some point, I would probably define the safety I feel in session as the one hour of my week where someone isn't "out to get me", in the non-clinical paranoid sense. Where someone is really there for me, and nothing else.

Anne

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

I think that listening to and hearing what people are saying are also a function of the highest level of mindfulness where you keep your expectations about what people might be saying out of the interaction. Maybe this is just total openness that allows the person's authentic self to emerge.I haven't achieved the highest level of mindfulness nor a lower level yet but I do see your point. I find that when I accept what T is saying or at least consider it carefully, I go places (mentally, intellectually, emotionally) where I've never been before. When my high emotions aren't allowing me to be as open, T has ways to come in the 'back door' or the side door and can contact me there.

I think this is openness is different than having no idea of what's going on with someone and how to guide them to where they need to go. It's not a "blank slate" to project onto, although that may be a piece of it.I asked T last week if she always knows before me what's going on with me. And she said she does not but she has some ideas about it. So her questioning is to tease out of me what might be going on.

I think it also might be a somewhat paradoxical twin of using your own experiences and who you are to connect to what people are saying while simultaneously suspending your beliefs and expectations about how people are supposed to feel and think.'Suspending' beliefs is the tough one. But, boy what a ride we can go on if we can sometimes do that.

At some point, I would probably define the safety I feel in session as the one hour of my week where someone isn't "out to get me", in the non-clinical paranoid sense. Where someone is really there for me, and nothing else.

Anne

Also, I'm beginning to see that this safety is like allowing myself to 'fall' and know that I'll be caught. A huge leap of faith is required and I think I'm almost there with my T. I'm still scared but I push myself to be an 'adventurer'.

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by skysblue

A huge leap of faith is required ...

That's it, isn't it. A true leap of faith. Scary stuff, tho. But when it works... it can be amazing.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by rainbow_rose

That's it, isn't. A true leap of faith. Scary stuff, tho. But when it works... it can be amazing.

Yep, I've gone into session with such fear in my heart but deciding to power through has been transformative. I want my time with T to be worth it. If I'm not going to push myself or challenge myself, I consider it a waste of time. Facing the scariness of it all is actually a really positive thing. Where else can I do that and know that it will really be o.k.?

Originally Posted by skysblue

Also, I'm beginning to see that this safety is like allowing myself to 'fall' and know that I'll be caught. A huge leap of faith is required and I think I'm almost there with my T. I'm still scared but I push myself to be an 'adventurer'.

Sky, what you responded to (that I didn't copy here) but was earlier in my post I intended to apply to the T, not the client. But it was really interesting to me to think about it from the perspective that you shared. What would happen in T if I were able to be that mindful? What would therapy be like if I were able to suspend my beliefs about what my T should think or say?

That would be pretty cool.

Anne

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

Sky, what you responded to (that I didn't copy here) but was earlier in my post I intended to apply to the T, not the client. But it was really interesting to me to think about it from the perspective that you shared. What would happen in T if I were able to be that mindful? What would therapy be like if I were able to suspend my beliefs about what my T should think or say?

That would be pretty cool.

Anne

How interesting that I got it backwards. I need to study your comment more closely and see how it works both ways.

For me, I love the ease of conversation that I have with my T. Even if I'm in an emotional place she is steady for me. That safety is what makes the therapy so successful I think. And we have been successful. It took awhile for me to build enough trust but now that it's 95% I see only positive positive in the future. Even T said to me a few weeks ago, "I see this turning out very well for you."

But then we're faced with a new situation if I keep progressing. Finally I will need to quit therapy because there'll be nothing more to work on. Whoops - here I am worrying about the future. No need to 'cross that bridge yet'.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Limbic resonance in play I guess.

Oh so that's what that means!!!!