[sittingatwatersedge]

...so there was T... bringing up my disastrous FOO again, and especially my disastrous relationship with my mom, and me still uncomfortable thinking about it all, since until I met her, I thought we were a normal (not happy, but not abnormal) family all my life.... and right when she was in the middle of a sentence, I asked her what time it was.

She looked startled, gave me the time, and then finished what she was saying, but of course the momentum was completely gone.

I apologized and said that I just worry about running out of time, one hour seems to go by so fast. Her eyes spoke question marks & exclamation points, but she didn't say anything, just nodded.

I do worry about running out of time, but mostly I wanted to shut her up, stop her from talking about that, and it was plain that her big intervention was bouncing right off me. how big an oops was it?... should I bring it back up and apologize again, with the whole reason this time?

Have you ever intentionally derailed yr T?

[skysblue]

I'm much more blunt. I'll just say I don't want to talk about it.

[WePow]

I tend to change the subject mid stream... I think it is normal to want to avoid things that make us feel pain.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Have you ever intentionally derailed yr T?

Yes, for sure.

I do the same thing skysblue does...I just say I don't want to talk about it. Sometimes if T is pushing, he'll say "just let me say one more thing then". And sometimes I'll cover my ears and just stare at him

[Perna]

Yes, I would definitely bring it up and tell the reason for your actions. I think that would help you in the long run, both to be more direct with T (as in, "I do not wish to talk about this anymore right now" instead of, "What time is it?" :-) and will make you more aware of yourself in time and space and how you are with other people. Your realizing what you did is a great thing, but, hopefully, you are working on understanding yourself before you act and choosing better ways to deal with your feelings?

[rainbow8]

I do worry about running out of time, but mostly I wanted to shut her up, stop her from talking about that, and it was plain that her big intervention was bouncing right off me. how big an oops was it?... should I bring it back up and apologize again, with the whole reason this time?

I think that your T was aware of what you did and why, but it would be productive for you to bring it up and discuss it with her. I agree with Perna that being more direct with your T is a goal. I've changed the subject like that sometimes when I'm not aware I've done it until afterwards. Therapy is hard work!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Have you ever intentionally derailed yr T?

Yes, and subconciously too. But T is pretty sharp and points out the ways I wriggle out of topics I don't want to talk about.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

...so there was T... bringing up my disastrous FOO again, and especially my disastrous relationship with my mom, and me still uncomfortable thinking about it all, since until I met her, I thought we were a normal (not happy, but not abnormal) family all my life.... and right when she was in the middle of a sentence, I asked her what time it was.

She looked startled, gave me the time, and then finished what she was saying, but of course the momentum was completely gone.

I apologized and said that I just worry about running out of time, one hour seems to go by so fast. Her eyes spoke question marks & exclamation points, but she didn't say anything, just nodded.

I do worry about running out of time, but mostly I wanted to shut her up, stop her from talking about that, and it was plain that her big intervention was bouncing right off me. how big an oops was it?... should I bring it back up and apologize again, with the whole reason this time?

Have you ever intentionally derailed yr T?

It is my stock in trade. I'd like to think I'm an expert. My methods to derail work on my issues (relationships, sexuality) include:
*Small talk
*Picking at clothing and asking for household hints
*discussion of fee structure
*discussion of routes to the office, complete with road closures
*weather forecasts
*my wacky family in the present discussion...wow, my brother is sick!
*vacation planning, several weeks out
*insurance gripe-age
*Humor, bad and otherwise

If that does not serve to derail work on my issues, there is always the last-minute re-schedule or no-show as fall-backs!

[sunrise]

I just say I don't want to talk about it or say I'd like to change the subject now. That gives valuable information to the T. It's not a faux pas for the client to do that. In therapy I have learned to not just sit there suffering in silence but instead to be honest and tell him when something is so uncomfortable to talk about it that I'm not up to it at that moment. I think they want us to tell them this stuff. So you did a good thing, SAWE! Recently, I tried to change the subject as I felt we had discussed it enough (it wasn't painful but I didn't want to spend more time on it), and T said wait, he wasn't done yet and got a few last sentences in that he felt were valuable to bring up before moving on. It worked fine. He knew I wanted to move on but he got to say what he thought was important I hear before we did move on. I think it's good to just tell them you want to change the topic rather than deflecting with "what time is it?" type comments--my T always encourages me to be direct with him. But even being indirect is a start.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

She looked startled, gave me the time, and then finished what she was saying, but of course the momentum was completely gone.... Her eyes spoke question marks & exclamation points...

I am curious why your T looked startled. Is it because you rarely direct the conversation? She may be surprised in a good way, SAWE. Her reaction, as you describe it, sounds strong. ???

[googley]

SAWE-
I think your T knows that you interrupted her to stop her from talking about what she was saying (or she will when she looks back on the session). It is not unusual for clients to change the topic of conversation when they become uncomfortable. You don't need to apologize. But talking about why it made you uncomfortable might be fruitful as it will let you and her know exactly why you didn't want to discuss the issue. I agree with the others that it is better to be direct, but sometimes that doesn't happen. Don't feel bad about it.

[karebear1]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Yes, for sure.

I do the same thing skysblue does...I just say I don't want to talk about it. Sometimes if T is pushing, he'll say "just let me say one more thing then". And sometimes I'll cover my ears and just stare at him

I can't tell you how normal your post made me feel Tree! I do tell my T I don;t want to talk about this anymore, but there has been a time or two when I, indeed, have covered my ears because I just couldn't hear it anymore. Sometimes, I'm even tempted (though have yet to do it) to plug my ears and sing out...."na,na,na .... I caaaaan't hear you!"

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I am curious why your T looked startled. Is it because you rarely direct the conversation? ???

no, if I had to guess, I'd guess it's because I rarely deflect the conversation.
I try to be genuine, to be honest, to be brave, even if the subject is tough.

I don't think I tend to be"indirect" (tactful word for dishonest, maybe?) with my T. It is true though, and she knows it, that I am a person who will go to a meeting, sit through the whole thing without saying anything, listeneng to all the comments, go out and let them perk, and in a couple of days come up with some good ideas. T knows it is hard for me to speak up "in the moment", I seem to need to think about it for a while first. That may or may not have anything to do with this.