T called, and we talked.

I guess I don't remember much of session on Friday. I realized that when I was talking to him. The only parts I remember are the parts I wrote here (because I just went back and read it) but mostly, it's like 90 minutes, GONE.

T said something in my message after session about my young part taking over (although that's not exactly what he said.) and when we talked today, it was like he knew that I wasn't going to remember the session.

And he said it's like I've had this sadness and fear triggered and it's a mystery trigger...I don't know where it came from. Maybe. I don't know.

Losing time is obviously totally confusing, and I'm not sure if we got anywhere, but at least we connected and I feel a little more seen. I think.

In part of the conversation we were talking about the fact that when he doesn't reply or reach back to me, I don't know if he's ignoring me, or not seeing me, or having something crazy going on in his life that I don't know about. He said something like "It's true, you don't know what's going on in my life". And it felt kind of like...ugh. Although he has promised me many times that if he ever has something going on in his life that affects my therapy, he will tell me, and he has in the past, and I believe him. Still. Stupid one way relationship.

I'm glad we connected. I had actually called him and told him I didn't need to talk after all, that I could wait until Thursday when I see him, but I guess he either didn't get that message or called anyway.

I cried on the phone with him. I don't know what that was about.

This just feels like a hard day. I'm so glad it's almost over.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Il'm glad you were able to talk to him.

He's the same T you have had in your corner all this time.

Please get some rest