Connecting with you T...

Is it important for you to feel that 'click' with your T??

With all my previous T's, i have felt some sort of connection, but with my new one, i dont really feel anything towards her. Its hard to describe what im trying to say, but its like i feel she has this higher status over me and im not sure if i like it. In other words, it is more professionally based.
Dont get me wrong, she seems very good at what she does, but im not sure if i will ever feel that 'want' to go to my T, as i have done in the past. I really wouldnt care if i just gav it up tomorrow. Maybe thats how this type T is suppsed to be. I feel that we are two very different people - could this be a good thing??

Thanks for reading

It's nice to feel a connection but if you feel this T can help you then I'd be satisfied with that. One doesn't necessarily have a connection with other "teachers" but still can learn from them? I would discuss the "higher status" thing with her?

It could be that at this stage you are in a different place and a sense of connection is not there for you for some psychological reason of your own, a defense or tool to help you concentrate better on your issues, who knows? It could be that one will develop, over time, or show up, later, etc.

I think I do 'click' with my T, something I never really expected - I don't tend to 'click' with anyone. Sometimes I wonder if it's just that she's so good at her job that makes me feel this way, but I really don't think it is. My T is about twice my age, and is very knowledgable, and I would say professional, so in a way I get what you're saying about 'higher status', I do think I look up to her - but not like she's an intimidating figure - she's also very warm, understanding, and down to earth. She always seems to 'get' what I'm saying and I feel like I could talk to her all day. I've been for CBT therapy before with different therapists, and while I've had no real problem with them, I didn't really connect with them OR the therapy, never looked forward to going, or saw any benefit. I think now that I do 'click' with T, it's very important to me. I look forward to and value our sessions, and I'd be really disappointed if I had to see someone else. I've heard that success in therapy can be affected by how good the T/client relationship is... but Perna also makes a good point in that you don't always necessarily have a connection with teacher but you can still learn from them...

I guess it comes down to you and how comfortable you are. I'm not sure what your situation is, but I have to pay to see T out of my own pocket - if I didn't feel like I 'wanted' to go see her, or felt like I didn't 'care' about our appointments? I wouldn't be able to justify the considerable expense - or time! Might be worth finding someone who's time you're paying for feels more of an investment for your future? Good luck with your decision

Maybe the importance of "clicking" depends on the type of therapy you're doing. In my case it's more psychodynamic than other methods, and it's crucially important that there is a sense of trust and that I'm able to open up to T. The T-patient relationship is very important, and I couldn't open up to someone that I didn't click with. I dunno - just my two cents worth.

I suppose that its different for different people and the different therapies they do. I know some people who go to T and its just no b ig deal, there's not a connection, they just pay a person for a service and they go home and thats that.

But for me, its VERY important to have a connection to my T, especially considering the intense trauma work we do. I wouldn't be able to sit there and talk about all that awful stuff and make myself all vulnerable if T and I were not intensely connected.

Im in Psychoanalysis, so maybe that is how this T is supposed to be. But if this T is gona go on for years then i hope that eventully a connection builds up. I liked previously going into T where i got some empathy and felt that she knew i went through alot, but in this therapy its like she is very cold towards it all. I do think that she is very professional, and maybe thats what i need. Someone who is more focused on getting to the bottom of things, coz honestly, all my other therapies, as much as i liked going and talking about stuff, nothing changed. Will just have to wait and see.....

Thanks
M.U.N.

I think it takes a while to connect with your T. I know it did for me. My T is totally different than what I would have thought that I would go to. But we now connect. I would say it took around a year to trust him.

To begin with, my "connection" with my T was that I fought her openly and constantly. But that was still "closer" than I had been with previous Ts.

I don't think I could continue if I hadn't 'clicked' immediately. I've seen my substitute T twice and won't go back. There is no connection with her. I admire your patience but I would not be able to put my heart and soul into therapy if there were no or little felt connection. I just wouldn't be able to do it.

You know how when you first meet people, you feel immediately like you'd like to get to know them better or you could care less. Well, I personally don't want to work to get to know people with whom I don't 'feel' something with. Same with T but with T, it is even more important for me.

But everyone is different so you must do what feels right for you.

I agree with you skysblue! I observed my T for months before I actually sat down and talked with her. I don't think she knew I was doing that, but I was and it really helped me. Watching and observing her from the very beginning I felt like we'd known each other forever and that I would probably be ok if I started seing her, but there's no way I would've even ventured into thinking about seeing her if I hadn't felt like she was trustworthy, honest, down to earth and most importantly sincere.

How did you manage to "observe" your T? Are you saying you were able to watch her before you became a patient? How did that come about?