[BlessedRhiannon]

Yesterday was a really tough session for me, and it stirred up all kinds of feelings that even 24 hours later, I'm still struggling with.

I emailed my T yesterday, and she normally replies to emails in the morning, but I didn't get a reply from her. In the aftermath of yesterday's session and some of the things I revealed, that non-reply made my brain jump straight to "she's disgusted by me. she doesn't want to even respond to my emails...." and all kinds of other negative thoughts. I know those thoughts are probably not true, but I'm struggling with them and the longer I think them, the more true they start to feel.

So...I did something I almost never do. I called and left a message for my T, asking her to call me back. I need some kind of positive connection with her. I need to know that she's not disgusted by me. I need to know why she didn't reply to my email. Normally, I'd just email her, since this isn't an emergency, BUT, I can't risk not getting a reply. If she didn't reply to an email about this, I would be seriously crushed and probably do something stupid to myself.

I'm so anxious about leaving her the message. I haven't made myself sick to my stomache from anxiety in quite some time, but I'm feeling distinctly ill right now. I can't concentrate enough to actually work until I can stop worrying about yesterday's session. I hate talking on the phone, and I'm kinda terrified for my T to call me back. I trust my T, we work well together, and I am so grateful for her...but right now, my emotions are taking over and telling me that she's not safe anymore. I hate that feeling. I KNOW she's safe for me...but I can't seem to believe that right now. Sitting on pins and needles waiting for her to call back.

Keeping my fingers crossed she calls back soon, Rhi.

[lastyearisblank]

Hold on! She will call you back! I totally understand the fear of waiting for a call (that you wanted in the first place). The ringing, then "hello" on the other side, the silent sense of being judged... I don't love talking the phone in general, and I hate, hate, hate not being sure if I'm asking too much from someone! I hope that she will call soon and you guys can talk about the session and that puts some of your fears at rest.

[JustWannaDisappear]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

Yesterday was a really tough session for me, and it stirred up all kinds of feelings that even 24 hours later, I'm still struggling with.

I emailed my T yesterday, and she normally replies to emails in the morning, but I didn't get a reply from her. In the aftermath of yesterday's session and some of the things I revealed, that non-reply made my brain jump straight to "she's disgusted by me. she doesn't want to even respond to my emails...." and all kinds of other negative thoughts. I know those thoughts are probably not true, but I'm struggling with them and the longer I think them, the more true they start to feel.

So...I did something I almost never do. I called and left a message for my T, asking her to call me back. I need some kind of positive connection with her. I need to know that she's not disgusted by me. I need to know why she didn't reply to my email. Normally, I'd just email her, since this isn't an emergency, BUT, I can't risk not getting a reply. If she didn't reply to an email about this, I would be seriously crushed and probably do something stupid to myself.

I'm so anxious about leaving her the message. I haven't made myself sick to my stomache from anxiety in quite some time, but I'm feeling distinctly ill right now. I can't concentrate enough to actually work until I can stop worrying about yesterday's session. I hate talking on the phone, and I'm kinda terrified for my T to call me back. I trust my T, we work well together, and I am so grateful for her...but right now, my emotions are taking over and telling me that she's not safe anymore. I hate that feeling. I KNOW she's safe for me...but I can't seem to believe that right now. Sitting on pins and needles waiting for her to call back.

hang in there. I have many times wanted to call my T after a session and having the same thoughts/feelings.

[BlessedRhiannon]

She called! I cried on the phone. I never cry on the phone...heck, I never cry in front of other people. I need to cry more, but I also need to actually get some work done today first.

She gave me the reassurance I needed. She is not disgusted by me. She told me that she feels really good about what happened in the session. She told me that she was honored that I shared what I did. She thinks it was a huge, good step that took tons of courage. She said exactly what I needed to hear.

My T only had a few minutes to talk, but it was enough. She asked me for an email update...hopefully she'll reply when I do send her one. I didn't ask why she didn't reply to my other email, maybe I'll ask her next week...that doesn't feel like such a big deal now, though...there wasn't really anything to reply to in the other email, she's just never not replied before.