[granite1]

after my T rescued me from the horrors of the waiting room we started my session.i let her know that i was completely panicing about my son comming home on leave for a month and also the mother comming home for the holidays.
it was so hard to hear the words that i was saying to my T and to listen and accept the words that she was saying back.i wanted to put my hands over my ears and say stop but i didnt.we talked about my hating people so much that i am scared that i will hate my son.how i wont feel anything at all towards him ,like the connection we had is gone etc...i wouldnt even consiter talking about the mother and how my T thinks all the hate is comming from the fact that the mother is in the picture.she uses the words abusive,Trama,horrible,devistating,and others when she is talking about the mother and i hate them.they dont feel comfortable to hear at all.i just held on to my kitty for dear life and just let things happen.i think today i am emotionally numb.i kept asking her what do i do if i hate my son but she never answered me. it was 6 when i left and i went home and crashed.i slept right through the night for 12 hours. thanks again for all of you who read this.love ya all

[sittingatwatersedge]

we love you too granite!! What a session!

[WikidPissah]

(((granite))) I am glad you got to talk a lot. I have read so many posts you have written about your son...Your fears he would be injured, your pride in what he does, how much you miss him, how scared you get when he talks to the mother. You are a loving mother, and with all the crap you are going thru you have still loved him. I can understand about being angry with everyone (I am there right now too) but I know when you see that sweet young man who has been part of your soul all these years the love is gonna poke a hole in the hate and pour out...just for him.

[FourRedheads]

I'm proud of you, Granite.

[unaluna]

dammit granite you are so so so so smart. so pure and so in touch with your feelings and not afraid to have them. we do have a legacy of hate passing down. It's scary but I think it's just human, and it's even part of many religions - but ALSO love. And we can let the love and good outweigh the bad. I am seeing my feelings for my nephew and many others in my family in a new light. To accept all parts of our feelings.

[Sannah]

Great work granite!!!!!!!!!!! It seems that your fear of therapy is accepting what happened to you?

I don't think that you could ever hate your son granite, ever!

[rainbow8]

granite, your post made me cry because I am so emotional today. Last night I talked with a cousin whom I hadn't talked to for about 40 years. It was wonderful. I know how much you love your son. It will be fine. I am SO proud of you for talking. You are doing amazing. I know it's hard to hear the words your T uses to describe the mother. I know you will work it all out in therapy; it just takes time.

[learning1]

congratulations on talking a lot! the words your therapist used about your mother are things that were bad about what she did, it wasn't your fault.

[mixedup_emotions]

((((( granite )))))

I am so glad that you took that leap and shared with your T. I know it was not easy for you. A lot of emotions tend to flood in after sessions where you let your feelings out. Know that it's part of the process, and that you are ok....((( HUGS )))