[harvest moon]

So yesterday I went to my T; I was 10 minutes late due to traffic and we had only 35 minutes left... So I was really stressed and wanted to tell him so much. I ended not saying anything at all. The previous week I had given him for the first time 2 pages I wrote along with 2 poems and thoughts I had written when I was around 17. He said some kind and warm words that really made me feel safe and protected. But then our time was up. I didn't want to leave; it was the first time that I felt it so intense. So I left the building and sat on a bench right around the corner, just to feel near my T. I sat there for 3 hours, lost in my thoughts! Today, I had a comfort food crisis (during the last 4 months I lost all my extra weight, around 16 kilos, so I am really careful of what I eat); I just couldn't stop. I tried to fill the emptiness and ate like I hadn't eaten for days. And now I'm feeling really low... Just wanted to share this with you, I know many of you will relate...
Is it weird that I stayed for 3 hours near his office? Don't know if I should tell him. Didn't want to leave; plus, I live with my parents (I am 29), which made it even worse that I had to leave the bench and return home! Thank you for listening, hugs!

[SoupDragon]

((((harvest moon))))

[roads]

You didn't say what was bad about the mood. That you felt bad having it? The mood itself seemed more pensive. Or were you angry you had ro leave T's, ate as you did, live with your parents?

Any of these except feeling bad about having the mood makes sense. Hey, you've been through unrelenting personal & situational trauma--with no end in sight.

I'm glad you came here & talked/wrote about it. I hear you & can confirm that your feelings are valid. And offer virtual s.

Roadrunner

[harvest moon]

I wanted more time with him... I felt vulnerable because I allowed him to read my writings --nobody has ever read them... I have so much anger towards my parents...
All these feelings tangled up inside me!

Thank you so much for listening!

[Out_of_denial]

Earlier this month, the week before my T abandoned me, I had gave her a journal from when I was 14. It took me a year to do that. She still has it, since I haven't seen her at all.

So I totally get how you feel about letting T read it and not getting feedback. I mean real feedback. You ran out of time. Maybe you could get another session or email him with exactly what you want to know about what you wrote.

It'll work out,
Amy

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by harvest moon

I didn't want to leave; it was the first time that I felt it so intense. So I left the building and sat on a bench right around the corner, just to feel near my T. I sat there for 3 hours, lost in my thoughts!

Ouch! There are times when I wanted to do that but I was too "rational". I wish I had.

[harvest moon]

Started writing to my T about the other day and the feelings that led me to sit outside his office for 3 hours... Let's hope I will have to courage to give it to him also...
Yesterday I fell asleep with this thought: I was locked inside my T's office (my T had finished with his patients and he hadn't noticed that I hadn't left); I found a safe corner (I always stare at this corner when I feel nervous during the sessions) and made a bed with the pillows of the couches. I slept feeling secure, peaceful and protected...

[roads]

Originally Posted by harvest moon

I found a safe corner (I always stare at this corner when I feel nervous during the sessions) and made a bed with the pillows of the couches. I slept feeling secure, peaceful and protected...

ohhh, how well you take care of yourself in your fantasy/dream life ...
Good going, harvest moon! So why the sad face?

Roadrunner

[harvest moon]

Originally Posted by roadrunnerbeepbeep

ohhh, how well you take care of yourself in your fantasy/dream life ...
Good going, harvest moon! So why the sad face?

Roadrunner

I guess I feel awkward of sharing these fantasies and thoughts with my T, but will certainly try to! After all, that is the point of therapy...

Originally Posted by harvest moon

Yesterday I fell asleep with this thought: I was locked inside my T's office (my T had finished with his patients and he hadn't noticed that I hadn't left); I found a safe corner (I always stare at this corner when I feel nervous during the sessions) and made a bed with the pillows of the couches. I slept feeling secure, peaceful and protected...

I think that's a nice way to fall asleep. I often fall asleep imagining being in my T's office with him, in our respective chairs, just sitting in silence.

Anne

[harvest moon]

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

I think that's a nice way to fall asleep. I often fall asleep imagining being in my T's office with him, in our respective chairs, just sitting in silence.

Anne

That is so nice, Anne...