Need advice.

lostmyway21 · Dec 23, 2011, 09:30 AM

Okay so I need advice.

I was walking around the mall yesterday, and I decided to go into Build-a-Bear. Next thing I know I've made a bear for my therapist.

It would be immensely significant for me to give it to him. The last time I made a bear I gave it to a cop that had been like a big brother to me. He was there for me in High School and the Army...through all my struggles. Then after knowing him for 5 years he abandoned me completely. Made worse by the fact he did it RIGHT after my step-dad died.

I've been terrified to trust ANY one since then.

I think seeing the bear I made him in the office, during therapy, would help me feel like it's okay to trust again.

Here's my dilemma. I don't know if he will let me give it to him. I am scared that he will reject it. If he did, I would probably loose ALL trust I do have in him.

Ughh what to do???

roads · Dec 23, 2011, 09:33 AM

Why wouldn't he accept it? Has he said something about gifts?

lostmyway21 · Dec 23, 2011, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadrunnerbeepbeep

Why wouldn't he accept it? Has he said something about gifts?

No he hasn't but I don't know where his boundaries are regarding them.

roads · Dec 23, 2011, 09:45 AM

Usually they say if it's a thing with them. I'd be bold. Tell him why it's important. Just whatnyou told me. I can see why it would strengthen the bond & help your work. I simply cannot imagine his saying no.

& if he would, he might really be the wrong T for you. Good to find out now.

What do you think?

Roadrunner

WePow · Dec 23, 2011, 09:46 AM

Why don't you bring in the bear but don't give it to him - yet.
Tell him what that bear represents for you. It feels like it is a symbol of your heart.
Let him know that you would like to leave your heart (the bear) in his space, in his office, if that is OK with him. Don't just give it to him... if that makes any sense at all. It has a lot of meaning for your healing and I think it is right of you to be cautious with your bear... uh heart :-)

lostmyway21 · Dec 23, 2011, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WePow

Why don't you bring in the bear but don't give it to him - yet.
Tell him what that bear represents for you. It feels like it is a symbol of your heart.
Let him know that you would like to leave your heart (the bear) in his space, in his office, if that is OK with him. Don't just give it to him... if that makes any sense at all. It has a lot of meaning for your healing and I think it is right of you to be cautious with your bear... uh heart :-)

That makes A LOT of sense.

roads · Dec 23, 2011, 10:01 AM

Oh, WePow, wise one.

Chopin99 · Dec 23, 2011, 11:15 AM

I would take it with me, tell him what it means. Ask him if he will keep it for you. I think it would make for an awesome sharing session.

lostmyway21 · Dec 23, 2011, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chopin99

I would take it with me, tell him what it means. Ask him if he will keep it for you. I think it would make for an awesome sharing session.

I think I will do that. I may have to say what it means in an email and send it before hand. I often go blank while I'm there and forget stuff and I want him to know.

You guys were all so helpful. I didn't really want to give it to him yet, I'd rather him just keep it there with him. I hope this goes over well.

Thank everyone.

lostmyway21 · Dec 23, 2011, 12:57 PM

So I emailed him and asked him and he told me.."bring it Monday and we can discuss."

I hope I am not the only one who hates open ended answers. I impulsivly replied "Sometimes I think you were trained to respond specifically to trigger all my issues." Oops

Hm, now just have to work up the courage to bring it Monday.

roads · Dec 23, 2011, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Hm, now just have to work up the courage to bring it Monday.

WePow had the right feeling about this from the start. Just focus on that & take pocket riders if you're nervous. Monday will be okay.

Roadrunner

lostmyway21 · Dec 26, 2011, 11:09 AM

So todays session went awesome! I totally wasn't expecting him to be excited to find out what I wanted him to keep safe for me...but he was. It was the first thing he brought up. Lol. He was so cool about it. He explained that he had replied the way he did in the email because he shares the office and doesn't want anything to happen to it. Anyway, my bear is sitting on the table safely behind him.

Thanks for the help every one. You guys gave me the courage to give my bear (heart) to him to keep safe for me.

wintergirl · Dec 26, 2011, 01:51 PM

I'm glad it went well for you!

I once tried to give my T a gift, and he handled it very well, but he's not able to accept gifts (he works in a practice and they abide by certain rules). He passed it along to his secretary and another T (it was a loaf of fresh bread).

I was a little sad, as I wanted to show my appreciation to HIM, but I did understand and I liked the way he still sort of accepted it.

ECHOES · 01:55 PM

lol at your reply to him.
Well.... you now know what you can talk about on Monday

I think they want to know 'about' the gift (what it means, etc) before accepting it in any way. Although there are some who do have a policy to not accept gifts. Even if he has such a policy, he is interested in it!

..oops! I didn't see that you had posted! I'm glad it went well and he accepted it! I think you found a fantastic way to reconnect after your long break!