[Chopin99]

A lot has happened since my session on Friday. I go back tomorrow, but I have learned SO much since then! I plan to relate most of this to T, but only the first point is what I plan to say verbatim:

1. On asking T about post-therapy relationships:
You said last Wednesday that a therapist is supposed to wait two years before having a relationship with a former client, but if a former client called you and wanted to catch up and a casual relationship developed where you met to talk or went out to lunch, you’d consider it. Then when I brought up H’s concerns, you said you could see where talking about it before the end of therapy might cause a bias in either party and you said you wouldn't discuss it until my therapy was over. Then on Friday, you said you were clear Wednesday that a post-therapy relationship would never happen. Can you please honestly explain this differential?

2. On learning what good friends I have already:
On Friday, H's BFF overheard me arguing with H over my experience with T. He sat down and listened to what I had to say about it without judging. He was able to do for me what H couldn't do that night. Then on Saturday and Sunday, H's BFF and his wife (one of my BFF's) did everything they could to distract me from obsessing about it. Then we went out to dinner last night, they came 12 miles out of their way to pick me up so that I didn't have to drive and I could ride home with H (who had to work). My other BFF has been helpful by simply being supportive without being intrusive (she's a codependent also) and I'm really proud of her for that! I had another friend offer her ear for me to talk. I actually have a pretty good support network.

3. On realizing why H reacted like he did:
H is really sick. He went to the doc today and was told he came just in time before it turned into pneumonia. He is a 911 telecommunicator and the stress of the job plus being sick plus me having problems was a perfect storm for him. I knew we were okay when I brought up the fact that we were arguing more lately and he said this, "Two strong personalities are going to butt heads sometimes. It's a sign that you are becoming less dependent."

4. On learning not to be dependent on others:
I made a breakthrough on this today. I have been given a project to lead at work. I advocated for something I needed for the project very succinctly to my boss in front of a couple of coworkers who have been historically critical of my ability to lead. I saw my coworkers look at me in amazement. The breakthrough however was this: I didn't care what they thought! I made a decision, on my own, and followed through damn the consequences.

5. On leaving the forum:
I'm not leaving the forum. I will continue to get opinions and advice, but ultimately, I make my own decisions.

Succeed or fail, I will make it either way.

[bluemountains]

I see that you are growing and strengthening, Chopin!
Bluemountains

[unaluna]

Your #4 really struck me. I can totally relate to how awesome this feels! One of the first changes I noticed IRL was feeling more comfortable in stressful group situations (for me, it was just my apartment swimming pool!). But I went from being the crazy old lady screaming at screaming kids in June and being targeted by "the trespassers" (nonresidents using the pool), to, by the end of the season, clearing the trespassers out by making a single benign comment, and just feeling like part of one big happy family with the other residents. And really I attribute it to finding a place for myself on PC. It's the family and "dining table recognition" and unconditional acceptance I never ever had before. I am pretty buoyant, but I felt like I was wearing those kids' water wings, that's how supported I felt by PC. Was strange!

[kansas]

Please post what you learn. I just exited therapy (with therapist approving) and T left our relationship in the air ... we have a lot in commom totally away from any therapy issue.

[Nelliecat]

((((Chopin))))

You sound so strong and really as if you're moving in the right direction.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

3. On realizing why H reacted like he did:
H is really sick. He went to the doc today and was told he came just in time before it turned into pneumonia. He is a 911 telecommunicator and the stress of the job plus being sick plus me having problems was a perfect storm for him. I knew we were okay when I brought up the fact that we were arguing more lately and he said this, "Two strong personalities are going to butt heads sometimes. It's a sign that you are becoming less dependent."

You've got a really good H.

[Unrigged64072835]

Good for you, Chopin! Keep up the good work!