[crazylife]

Me again
Not seen my T since the week before Christmas and session was cancelled today for god knows why, I've had the worse day ever, i messed up at work and nearly got fired!!! But managed to explain myself then had a massive break down outside Tesco's of all places, huge panic attack they even called a ambulance as i couldn't stop it, so embarrassed about that! Got home after begging the crisis team not to take me home i wasn't safe yet they did and ended up cutting so i needed stitches. I just want to speak with my T and get a appointment set as i have no idea when i'm next seeing him anyway. I'm going crazy just feel so low and everything is going wrong, i just need something. I know i'm not meant to call him out of sessions but hell with that, him messing me about and letting me down caused half of this but yet he can fix this so i just really need him and come 9am i will be calling him fingers crossed he is there. I just sent him a drunken email asking what is going on and reminding him if he wants me to be honest he has to be as honest as he can to so will check emails before calling but i don't regret it. How can things go so wrong in one day???

(((((((((crazylife)))))))))

It sounds like you are having a lot of big, big feelings. I hate so much when I feel like that and I can't reach T (he's only kind of available outside of session)...it feels like there is this person who can help, and they are out of my reach. SO frustrating.

If you can't call him between sessions, has he given you any other options? Another T, a crisis line, something else?

I really hope you get to see him tomorrow, or at least to touch base. I hope it gives you some relief.

[crazylife]

Originally Posted by treehouse

(((((((((crazylife)))))))))

It sounds like you are having a lot of big, big feelings. I hate so much when I feel like that and I can't reach T (he's only kind of available outside of session)...it feels like there is this person who can help, and they are out of my reach. SO frustrating.

If you can't call him between sessions, has he given you any other options? Another T, a crisis line, something else?

I really hope you get to see him tomorrow, or at least to touch base. I hope it gives you some relief.

I really hate my emotions right now there crazy the meds i''m on aren't doing the job anymore so i need to speak with him asap about this anyway.
I can call him between sessions if it's really important/emergency which i now believe this is! I have a crisis number but i won't call them as i begged them not to take me home because i new i would do something stupid yet they took me home. I don't have anything else.
As if Christmas and new year break isn't hard enough, this is making it so much worse.
I know he has boundaries and all but i have limits and i'm quickly reaching mine so in my eyes this is time (well tomorrow) for a phone call, i just need to relax.

[bluemountains]

(((crazylife)))
I am so sorry for your pain! If the crisis line is the only option you have, maybe you should call. Are you by yourself? Yes, you do have limits, and I am hoping you can find some way to find peace while you wait for your next appointment. How does your system work that you have to wait so long between appointments? Is it just because of the holidays (the time we need the help most!), or is it standard to wait so long between T visits?

Hugs and Peace

Bluemountains

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by crazylife

...then had a massive break down outside Tesco's of all places, huge panic attack they even called a ambulance as i couldn't stop it, so embarrassed about that! Got home after begging the crisis team not to take me home i wasn't safe yet they did and ended up cutting so i needed stitches.

Good for Tesco!
And not so good for the crisis team.

[crazylife]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

(((crazylife)))
I am so sorry for your pain! If the crisis line is the only option you have, maybe you should call. Are you by yourself? Yes, you do have limits, and I am hoping you can find some way to find peace while you wait for your next appointment. How does your system work that you have to wait so long between appointments? Is it just because of the holidays (the time we need the help most!), or is it standard to wait so long between T visits?

Hugs and Peace

Bluemountains

I'm so much more calmer now i just slept it off.
It's usually a week but at the moment i'm being messed about.
OMG i'm so stupid i just called his office and he is back they were putting me through and i panicked and hung up even gave a false name i have no idea why i did this. He is in work again and not contacted me to give me a new appointment, i don't understand i didn't do anything wrong.

[crazylife]

I don't know weather to call him as me and talk to him. I'm so anxious about it i don't know what to do.

My T's have never contacted me about appointments. It has always been my job to contact their offices to set up our sessions. Just call and get it set up.

[crazylife]

I got told he will contact me and he doesn't like calls out of sessions so i'm reluctant hopefully will get it sorted through another person but waiting for a call back.

I thought he had a secretary (or am I thinking of someone else?) Regardless, sounds like in the light of what happened yesterday, calling him would be completely within reasonable bounds.

[granite1]

call him and let him know you want a session .i know it is hard and will feel completely miserable when you do bit it will be over soon and you will have an appointment and you T will have some idea what you are going through.take a big huge breath know it will feel uncomfortable and call

[crazylife]

yeah he does but i speak with him about appointments.

[crazylife]

I sent him a email asking him to get in contact with me asap. so fingers crossed, i just needed to do something.

[crazylife]

He got another T to call me and all i got was avoiding the question of another appointment and telling me to breathe deeply!!! They have left me in more of a mess than when i was before i just feel so so low and down and hurt and i don't know why. Just can't stop crying. Finally got a appointment next Wednesday.

[crazylife]

But my T told me to work with me he needs me stable in my moods so i just blurted out to the duty team that my moods have been crazy wild lately not been sleeping etc. so i think I've just messed working with T up.

[Trippin2.0]

Awww hun, I'm so sorry you're hurting this way... Too many times have I been down that spiralling road and my anchor, no where within reach. That's why I've decided that I will NEVER again depend on another humanbeing, not to be my crutch, my anchor or my quickfix... Because it is when I give someone else that 'power' that they can hurt me, abandon me, or right out reject me. And what makes 'them' so special anyways? They're people too! Just like me, so I'm my own anchor now, and I wish that you could find a similar place to be, because people are people, they drop the ball sometimes. Gentle hugs to you, please take care of yourself. You ARE worthy.XOXO

[crazylife]

Thanks Trippin2.0 I know if i call the crisis line i'll get the same response and being told to take deep breaths will just irritate me, i just want someone to listen, not give answers or ideas just be quite and listen. Is that to much to ask? I went into this therapy with the plan to stay as distant as possible and not get dependent on him and I've told him this. But as i find myself getting worse and worse the only person i need to tell me it's ok is him. So my plan failed. I just hope i haven't wrecked everything.

Originally Posted by crazylife

But my T told me to work with me he needs me stable in my moods so i just blurted out to the duty team that my moods have been crazy wild lately not been sleeping etc. so i think I've just messed working with T up.

Huh? My response to this is, WTF??? If my moods were stable, I wouldn't need therapy! ??? What kind of therapist is this anyway?

[crazylife]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Huh? My response to this is, WTF??? If my moods were stable, I wouldn't need therapy! ??? What kind of therapist is this anyway?

He's on the NHS not sure what type, but he is very good at his job. I think he is to focused on the trauma and not what else is fueling all of this, i may tell him next time we meet for what good it will do. I'm not sure either tbh. I know to do EMDR he needs my moods stable but it's what i need EMDR for that makes my moods so unstable even with medication there slowly pushing through.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Too many times have I been down that spiralling road and my anchor, no where within reach. That's why I've decided that I will NEVER again depend on another humanbeing, not to be my crutch, my anchor or my quickfix... Because it is when I give someone else that 'power' that they can hurt me, abandon me, or right out reject me. And what makes 'them' so special anyways? They're people too! Just like me, so I'm my own anchor now, and I wish that you could find a similar place to be, because people are people, they drop the ball sometimes.

I've heard this theory but I've never got there myself. I still don't really understand what it means.

I'm sorry you're struggling Crazylife. My T cancelled my appt too this week and I haven't seen him since before Christmas - it's tough! Clearly the Crisis Team is as useless with you as it is near me. Ugh! Could you call the Samaritans or another crisis line that just listens? I'm glad you now have another appt with T. I think you should definitely tell him how unhelpful the Crisis Team are, specifically that they took you home when you said you weren't safe yet, and you ended up needing stitches! I think it's disgraceful (I could rant all day about how useless the Crisis Team are, both from a personal view and a professional view)

*Willow*

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( HUGS ))))

I'm sorry that you're in such distress...and waiting until Wednesday for your session can feel like an eternity when you're in such a state. Can you try to distract yourself by doing something for YOU? Reach out to family/friends for support? Do some journaling?

If you need to reach out to the crisis hotline, maybe you can try to be direct and ask for what you need - for them to be quiet and listen, and to not do X, Y and Z.

I hope you feel better soon...

[crazylife]

Hey,
Yes the crisis line is rubbish i was so low in the early hours was at the point of hurting myself so took myself for a walk and called them in so much distress, crying my eyes out and the first person i spoke to told me to keep walking and enjoy the walk he wouldn't listen to me so i tried to make myself ok but ended up calling again the woman told me to go home even after i said i was out to take myself away from hurting myself she kept insisting i went home. Thanks a bunch crisis line. I will not be using that ever again!
I'm just going to keep going till Wednesday, don't know how but i'll do it because i always seem to do it.

Wow, sorry crazylife... the crisis line never helped me much either - half the time they used to tell me they'd ring me back and then they wouldn't, and the rest of the time they'd say things like 'go to bed and listen to some music' or 'have a cup of tea' (always, I felt, with the undertone of 'there's nothing really wrong with you, get off the phone') why don't they realise that sometimes we just need someone to listen, to be there?

I know it's going to be hard for you, but we're here on the forum - keep posting xx