[struggling2]

hey forum peeps, does anybody ever leave therapy feeling comforted but sad? And not sad because of the situation in your life or things you talked about but because next weeks appt seems so far away. Im generally a very guarded person and dont show or talk about my feelings much but slowly over time (about a year) I am starting to open up with T. It took a long time and many many quiet sessions where I struggled to talk and stay present. We mesh very well together and it feels like her office is the only place where I can be "all" of me. I can be the typical laid back, funny, sarcastic me but I can also be the serious and thoughtful me and the sad and confused and overwhelmed me. She's the only person that sees all 3.....and usually all in the same day. Its all very new to me and im happy that I am finally experiencing this connection with someone but at the same time its so sad when that hour is up and next week seems so far away. I dont know what to do with myself inbetween. Anybody else struggle with this?

[unaluna]

yes, my t said leaving the session feeling sad meant I had difficulties with "transitions" which is like when your mom would leave, or going to bed, stuff like that. So he started paying more attention to our end-of-session "rituals". It made a big difference. I used to feel lost and despondent as soon as I was out his door and hitting the button for the down elevator.

[struggling2]

that makes sense....i might bring that up to her. i leave feeling so happy, helpless, lost, comforted, alone....its strange.

[Screenager]

We mesh very well together and it feels like her office is the only place where I can be "all" of me. I can be the typical laid back, funny, sarcastic me but I can also be the serious and thoughtful me and the sad and confused and overwhelmed me.

That's definitely me as well. I wish I could see my T so much more often because she knows "all of me" so well... and I don't really have that with anyone else. Usually the sad, depressed part of me is missing from my other relationships, but it needs to be lived and let out so I can really be "me" and trust someone.

And I do get melancholic when I leave, knowing that another uneventful, depressed week lies between me and my next appointment... Stupid therapy, it's like a drug

[crazylife]

Can relate to all of them, it's horrible even though you feel happier you are still lost and alone. Can i ask HANKSTER what your end of session rituals are? I may bring this up with my T.

[rainbow8]

I could have written your post, struggling. Yes, that's the way I feel exactly: "next week is always so far away". Even if I have events to look forward to in my RL during the week, I feel the same way as you do. I'm hoping others will have some good answers. I know that accepting those feelings is important, not denying they exist. Keeping busy helps somewhat. Knowing that next week always does come is another way, but I tend to catastrophize that it may not come which makes it worse, of course.

hankster, I always have had a problem with transitions--when people say good-bye to me for whatever reason, either going on a trip, moving away, leaving my house after a visit, you name it! Can you share your end of session "rituals"?

[unaluna]

it WAS strange, especially his reaction, it was like he was christopher columbus discovering america! and I would NEVER have said I had a problem, other t's even asked me. I always said, no, it was my younger cousins who were big crybabies about my aunt and uncle leaving when we babysat them, but I never cried when I stayed with them. I don't know if you've read any of the attachment threads on here, but yeah, I think I looked pretty dismissive, while they were insecurely attached, maybe? I don't know. I was like, get out of here so I can play with their toys already! but when they were at our house, there were hardly any toys, no wonder they cried. sorry i'm rambling on!

[unaluna]

oh sorry, just saw your questions now. really it's begin and end rituals. At first I used to hate how "phony happy" he seemed when he came to get me in the waiting room - I felt like he wasn't talking to ME. Didn't he REALIZE I was only coming there because I was DEPRESSED?! How DARE he be happy! He would slide out of his office into the hallway like he was Soupy Sales, it was ridiculous! After a couple of years I got the nerve up to tell him how I felt. Whether this corresponds to the same time I stopped contacting my mother, i'm not sure. Anyway.

Begin session ritual: in waiting room, hug. Maybe read some New Yorker magazine comics to him, or point out some articles he should read. Then he might help me carry some of my stuff into his office.

Office: He used to have the therapy dolls (Max and Uncle Moishe from where the wild things are, he holds Max all session) already sitting on our chairs, and I LOVED that, they looked like THEY were consulting! So cute! Also it was very comforting to be "coming home" to them. After I got used to that feeling, I started getting them out of the toy basket myself, which was a big big step. I used to get splinters every time I touched it. it was for other kids, not for me. I lusted after that toy basket for the first 2 years plus of my therapy. anyway, then another hug, he gets the footstool for me, and we sit down.

End of session: he gets up first, he helps me up, we hug, he helps me on with my coat and backpack, he usually walks me to the outer door unless someone is in the waiting room, and there is usually a last hug and kiss and I love you's exchanged, with me all bundled up like a kid in a snowsuit with 3 scarves up to her eyebrows. Who says you can't go back and get what you didn't have as a kid?! I guess this is pretty weird. I don't really know why he does it. I DO know, and have written here before, that it just infuriates me when a T wants to hug you at your last session - what the hell is THAT??? So I asked him for a hug at our first session. He was surprised as hell. But i've been looking back at stuff, and when I think of how distant we were, and how close we are now? well, it works for me. finally.

edited: CHEEK kiss, air kiss, not lip kiss!

[rainbow8]

hankster, do you really kiss?

I see you answered that. Even air kissing, WOW! I don't think many Ts would go for that routine but I'm glad it works for you. Just like holding my T's hand works for me, but we don't do it every time before I leave. I think it would make me too dependent on it which isn't good for "me and my pattern". Don't mean to hijack the thread. Sorry.

[Lexi232]

Yup....
a week seems so far away...
I try not to focus on it though...
sometimes i succed and other times i don't...

[unaluna]

at my first session with this T, a 7 yr old boy was just leaving with his mom, and T offered the boy a hug. So when I walked in, i said, "I hope you don't discriminate on the basis of age or sex" he's like oh, no, of course not! I go, "I want a hug too!" He says he is and has always been a very physical person (plays contact sports, etc.), he has mentioned going dancing, canoeing - so being physical is in his comfort zone. And I was always touching people at the office, like on the arm - probably inappropriately! But I remember asking my mother if I could sit next to her on the couch, and she would only let me be her footrest - at the end of the couch, while she was lying down, she would put her feet on my lap. It was gross. So I definitely have a hug deficit. T is definitely one in a million.

[scorpiosis37]

Yes, I have this exact problem as well! I had T this morning and I'm already ready for another session!

"Who says you can't go back and get what you didn't have as a kid?!"--Hankster

My T does!!! She says she cares about me, is happy to offer me support, and is glad that I get some of my "maternal" needs met by doing therapy with her. However, she is also quick to remind me that I CANNOT go back and get what I didn't get as a kid. (i.e. a mom and mommy hugs, kisses, and "I love you"s).

So, I have to say, I'm a bit jealous of what you have with your T, Hankster! I WISH my T were like that! My T is warm and does give end-of-session hugs but it's nothing like you describe with the cheek kisses, bundling up, and "I love you's." I would kill to have that with my T. "Hey, T, can you plant one on my cheek before you tie my scarf around me? Love you too!" Haha. NOT going to happen! In general, I don't think she's as lovey-dovey huggy-kissy as I am. I could be wrong as I only know her in a professional capacity, but I just don't get the uber affectionate vibe from her-- so I think I'm lucky I get the hugs that I do! I've seen her greet other clients hello/goodbye and she doesn't seem to be as affectionate with them, so I think I'm already getting her maximum. My last 2 sessions with her have been phone sessions and I'm so accustomed to ending my phonecalls with friends by saying "love you! Hug-hug, kiss-kiss" that I was afraid I'd accidentally say that to her out of habit! Luckily, I didn't. But if I had said it, I would have meant it. I do feel that kind of sweet, maternal love-love, hug-hug, kiss-kiss with her.

[CantExplain]

Seeing T once a day would probably be enough.