[athena2011]

"And we'll have to pause there for today." Man, I hate those words. It feels like I just get on a roll and the session's over. Every session I have to ask him what we talked about last session because all I can remember is that there was more to be discussed but we ran out of time. I can't even recall the topic. Even if the last session was yesterday!

Anyway, tomorrow I think I'll remember. I printed off one of my threads here, but it was kind of late in the session. There was a lot in it and I only read the first page. I read it in response to his statement "You sound like you're worried about getting angry with me". To which I replied, "No, I'm just worried about annoying you". I don't see it as the same thing. Anyway I am worried about him giving up on me. Not so much that he would 'fire' me (although that does pop into my mind once in a while). More that he would just sit there listening and let me destroy myself in his presence for the next decade or two.

So I think I'm going to make it a habit of continuing where we left off. In any other field, that would be the sensible thing to do. It would be efficient, orderly. I need to keep in mind the vastly different expectations and motivations we have versus our T's. For me - the faster the better. For him - no skin off his nose if it takes forever.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by athena2011

"
1. Therapy (for you) could take 10 – 20 years, no guarantees
2. “You have lots of potential”
3. “You sound like you expect me to do something”
4. “Thank you for sharing that” Then dead end.
5. I am clinical with some patients, warm with others (and he admitted he is clinical with me.)
6. Who I am friends with – based on “My place in society”

That looks like a really good list. I'd be interested to hear the answers too Particularly #5.. I'm assuming they have a reason for that but I can't quite wrap my brain around what it would be.

[faith1983]

I sometimes have the same feeling when in session, I start to open up and then, times up! It's frustrating!

Out of context, it's hard to understand what t has told you... But I think the one about the potential you have is good, isn't it?
Maybe if you're not sure about the meaning of its statements, you could ask him about it or tell him the way those make you feel? Anyway, hope everything goes well tomorrow...

Take care!

[vanessaG]

I'm fairly new to therapy. It takes me sooooo long to open up! The first half is just recap of small things during the week.
I just start feeling comfortable and by that time there's 10 minutes left!
T recommended a while ago to bring in a list.
I asked last session for a 90 min session. He said ok well try it out. Hoping that will give me more time to get into stuff more! That or either well be sitting in silence cause it's so long lol

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by pbutton

That looks like a really good list. I'd be interested to hear the answers too Particularly #5.. I'm assuming they have a reason for that but I can't quite wrap my brain around what it would be.

Funny thing is, half way through this post, I realized we DID discuss this list. And he evaded talking about most of them. None of them were meant to hurt me I know. He seems to want me to trust him without dealing with any of the statements that make me distrust him and anxious around him. I find that very odd. And upsetting.

So, I actually edited my post above to reflect where we ACTUALLY left off. Funny though that what I felt HAD been dealt with (the list) is what I typed up first here. Obviously NOT dealt with!

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by faith1983

But I think the one about the potential you have is good, isn't it?

He was trying to show a positive trait in me. I initially took it as a positive but then it started bothering me. Kind of speaks to my problem, "I'm not acceptable now, but if I do X, Y and Z, then I will be".

My t gives me a copy of her notes from the session. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't remember anything at all! The following day, she emails me 2 or 3 questions that she came up with for me to journal on through the week. I usually don't bring them up the following week, but they can be helpful if I have trouble thinking of a topic to start. Can you ask your t to do either of these things?

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by lucydog

My t gives me a copy of her notes from the session. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't remember anything at all! The following day, she emails me 2 or 3 questions that she came up with for me to journal on through the week. I usually don't bring them up the following week, but they can be helpful if I have trouble thinking of a topic to start. Can you ask your t to do either of these things?

I think those are great ideas, thanks - I will ask him.

[faith1983]

Kind of speaks to my problem, "I'm not acceptable now, but if I do X, Y and Z, then I will be".

hummm... I understand what you meant now!! ah! human spirit.. it's sometimes hard to follow. we turn something good in the worst thing in no time; I so often do that! Once, my t told me he was sure I was fine enough to manage my feelings by myself (I have hard time translating what he really said but he was responding to a statement I made that I wasn't able to deal with things between session) and that he was sure I would do just fine if he wasn't there... At first, I felt good about it but by the time I got home, I was sure he meant that he was fed up to work with me and wanted to terminate me... ah! human spirit!!

It's not that you're not acceptable now at all; it's that you're unhappy with the way things are or maybe suffering about them (that's why we're in therapy!)and that you have the power to change..

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by faith1983

hummm... I understand what you meant now!! ah! human spirit.. it's sometimes hard to follow. we turn something good in the worst thing in no time; I so often do that! Once, my t told me he was sure I was fine enough to manage my feelings by myself (I have hard time translating what he really said but he was responding to a statement I made that I wasn't able to deal with things between session) and that he was sure I would do just fine if he wasn't there... At first, I felt good about it but by the time I got home, I was sure he meant that he was fed up to work with me and wanted to terminate me... ah! human spirit!!

LOL - that's the exact same reaction I had to the 10 - 20 years and no guarantees statement. He said that after a year of working with me. That was after telling me 2 - 6 years initially. So I thought he meant 'it's a totally ridiculous time frame so this type of therapy probably won't work for you so you may want to pursue other options'. Basically a polite termination. What he meant was 'I don't want to mislead you or sell you a bill of goods'. I'm not thrilled with that either but at least it's not a firing. Oh, I just remembered, he said he wished he'd never said that time frame after seeing the impact it had on me. Now THAT is a more helpful statement. At least it shows he 'got' where I was coming from.

Originally Posted by faith1983

It's not that you're not acceptable now at all; it's that you're unhappy with the way things are or maybe suffering about them (that's why we're in therapy!)and that you have the power to change..

Yes, I probably twisted this to prove myself right ie: that he thinks badly of me. In fact, I made the list to try to just deal with it all at once so that he can just be pissed off at me for one session, not multiple ones. So I admit, the list items are somewhat out of context and taken together (and with my negative interpretations) paint a rather disturbing picture. But that's exactly what happened in reality. Each one built upon and supported the others. I didn't think twice about the list, the items just came out naturally. I just put them on paper for discussion because they have to be purged somehow. I wanted him to prove me wrong on each one. He didn't. That's worrisome.

[healed84]

Yeah, I have a hard time remembering what we talked about last session.. Also, I had that feeling yesterday when after T got up to get me a book he went and sat back at his sit behind his computer and said, Well, okay I will see you next week. And I was kind of like... ummmmm, we were just getting started. I feel so vunerable and cut open, and now I have to leave!! LOL!!