[SoupDragon]

I know Freud had something to say about ego's and I know the term "He /she has a big ego" - but I am not sure if they are the same or different definitions of "ego"

T has mentioned ego once or twice and I just wondered how we can become more aware of our ego's and what purpose they fulfil? Are they a good or bad thing? A helpor hindrance?

I'm in a 12 step program, and we were talking about egos recently.

When I came into the program, I thought "well, a big ego certainly isn't a problem for me!" because I felt like SUCH a nobody, such a nothing, like the lowest person on earth.

I realized, over time, that thinking "*I* am the most horrible person on earth!!!" was ego, just like thinking "*I* am the most wonderful person on earth" would be.

I have a friend who talks about becoming right-sized. Knowing I am okay, that I'm not better than anyone else, and I'm not WORSE than anyone else. I'm just me.

That's how I think of ego....which is different from what Freud was talking about, I think. I think Freud's ego referred more to the ego as the rational self, while the superego was the moral self and the id was our more base desires. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Id,_ego_and_super-ego

[Perna]

Yes, to me, ego is the one doing a lot of worrying about themselves, inappropriately. If you are thinking about yourself in reference to yourself, that's one thing but if there are others you are comparing yourself to, either positively or negatively or trying to manipulate in one way or another, I think that is inappropriate.

If you order something in a restaurant and want a whole lot of "changes" (when they don't advertise, "Have it your way") to what the restaurant is selling, that's ego. The restaurant sells X; if you don't want X, don't go to that restaurant! They aren't in the business to cater to what you want to eat, they're in the business to sell what's on their menu, if you don't want to eat what's on their menu, adjust what is given to you (don't eat as much or pick the cucumber out of their salad) or don't choose that place to eat!

One of the most egotistic sorts of people I know are the ones who think they are "humble" or "plain" when in fact they are a pain in the butt with their, "Oh, no, I couldn't possibly eat that much, take it away and bring me only half. . ." sorts. It is one thing to ask for dressing on the side for one's salad but asking them to make a salad "fresh" without the dressing or an ingredient they normally put in it (I'll have the chicken salad but hold the pickles) so you are requesting extra time and effort just for you, is egotistic, to me.

I think you can only be egotistic with others though, not yourself. With yourself there are usually several voices going on and you can learn to adopt one that raspberries the egotistic one(s) either thinking you are the greatest thing since sliced bread or the worst since moldy.