[mommyof2girls]

Although I have made some really good strides in therapy, I am having an issue with "touching on and healing my inner child"..... My t states that I always "touch and go" when it comes to this.... I am so confused..... How do I "heal" my inner child???? I mean, we talk about really hurtful things in my t sessions, but I don't know how or why I can't stay and help heal my inner child..... Does any of this make sense?????

[stopdog]

Your confusion makes sense to me. Inner child stuff and what one is to do with it does not.

[scorpiosis37]

I wish I had the answer to that as well. I haven't yet been able to heal my inner child, either. I'm in touch with that part of myself, but I simply haven't been able to get over the pain, the feelings and the wishing things could be different. I've talked about it with my T at length, and she always says things like "you're making progress, it just takes time"-- but I don't think she's right (at least not in my case). I don't know that I'll ever be able to heal my inner child. I mean, talking about it in therapy is helpful (it makes me feel heard), but I don't think it actually "heals" my inner child. There are times when it seems like these issues are at the forefront and other times when they recede, but they don't ever go away. I did, however, get a tattoo recently that reflects how I feel about it. For me, that was an important step in claiming my experience. Claiming it doesn't necessarily mean I've accepted it and healed from it, though. I do hope, however, that you are able to work with your T to heal your inner child-- or at least move in that direction. I've heard others say they've been more successful than me in this regard, so I wish you the best!

[SoupDragon]

I don't really understand about the "inner child" - T has not used that term with me, but has said things like ""she" is very welcome" and I have just looked at him blankly.

I am not sure what I am supposed to do, so I am with you in the confusion. Glad to hear that you have made some progress with T though, maybe it is just time that will bring some more answers - Soup

Time, time and more time.....

........and a lot of patience

Yup time and good therapy. Inner child is really all those needs we never got met and all the hurts we experienced. We all have ab "inner child" but for those with dysfunctional childhoods that inner child is more detached from our sense of 'I am' and is fragmented more than other people.

I don't think all therapists go there, so to speak, so it is not a term or concept all of us have experience with. I've never had a therapist use the term "inner child", although I am pretty certain we have dealt with concept pretty thoroughly. Maybe it's a concept more dealt with in certain modes of therapy? Don't know.

I think the thing that has made the most difference for me is imagery rescripting. So, the first time we addressed a particular traumatic event in my childhood, I (as the 'adult me') described it to T. It was terribly difficult, and nothing about describing it brought any healing. About a year later, we did imagery rescripting on the same event. In this, you describe the event in the present tense, as the child it is happening to. But crucially (to me), you change the event and 'rescue' the child, by asking her repeatedly what she needs and what she would like to happen, until she feels ok. Her needs might be met by having a safe adult from the time coming to help her, or by T entering into the image.

As time goes on, the 'adult you' gets more adept at helping the child you, until this spills into everyday life and the child-you is contained and comforted day to day by you yourself.

Not too long ago even the phrase 'inner chid' made me feel a bit sick with cynicism, and I never would have seen myself participating in imagery rescripting. But I was shocked by the peace I took home with me that day. The sting has been taken out of what happened to me. The facts are the same, but T and I have made it right, in a way that fundamentally changes its power.

Hope this makes some sense!

[sunrise]

What Improving described is similar to some of the work I have done in therapy. My T doesn't use the term Inner Child, but we have worked with younger ego states and I have learned to rescue them and give them what they need. I step into the scene with them. I can talk to them or discern what they need because they are me so I know what they need. Then I can provide that in the scene. It can be very healing.

[rainbow8]

My T uses the Internal Family Systems model, which believes that we all have many different parts of our personality. That seems to make sense. So, we have baby parts and child parts, not just 1 inner child. We have teenage parts, adult parts, etc.

When I have gotten in touch with a child part who needs to be held (loved) through IFS, the way my T works on healing is by having me picture my adult Self holding the child. She starts by asking if that child part knows I'm there. I used to want only my T to comfort my child part, so she would say to imagine a circle with me and her holding that part. Sometimes she asks me who else in RL is nurturing for me.

I never thought this method would work but it does. I can't always feel it, but often now I do feel better and can really "see" myself holding that child while she cries. My T has said that I am always there for her and I can always ask her what she needs from me. She used to ask me what the child likes to do, like play, swim, run, and said I can do those things with her. I know it sounds weird and I am the most skeptical person about most things, but inner child work CAN help.

[jazzy123456]

I don't understand it but, I know I have one .. a part of me that has basically had umnet needs in childhood and learning how to give myself those needs as an adult. I had a lot of needs met, especially my most basic ones... but, this part of me that hurts from time to time... well, i'm assuming that's what they are talking about. idk though because I have never intentionally worked on this concept in therapy.

[Sannah]

I think a good way to get to the heart of your inner child is to answer this question - Do you like the little girl that you used to be?