[pbutton]

Honestly. A little while back I banned myself from emailing T.

Today, I stupidly thought it might be a good idea to break the ban and ask for help with something I can't stop repeating in my head.

I just sent an email and now I feel like a complete moron. I don't even want to check for a reply.

Lesson learned. How many times do I have to put myself through this before I realize that emailing isn't something that I want to do?????

UGH.

[rainbow8]

Maybe it's something you NEED to do even if you don't WANT to do it. You're not stupid for asking for help from your T.

[Chopin99]

Why do you think it's stupid to email your T if you have a legitimate need like you described? I just emailed my T to see if she had an appointment open tomorrow and she replied 9 min after I sent it. She didn't, but oh well.

Is there something triggering to you about email regarding T?

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Maybe it's something you NEED to do even if you don't WANT to do it. You're not stupid for asking for help from your T.

You make a very good point. That's probably why this is bothering me so much. I asked for help and I HATE doing that.

We will see if I can manage to check my email before I go back in 2 weeks. lol

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Why do you think it's stupid to email your T if you have a legitimate need like you described? I just emailed my T to see if she had an appointment open tomorrow and she replied 9 min after I sent it. She didn't, but oh well.

Is there something triggering to you about email regarding T?

I feel like I am being needy and bothering him. He is too busy to respond to stupid questions that I'm sending because I like to bother myself with the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over... if I could quit working myself up into a froth over silly stuff, I could save us both a lot of time.

Woah. Didn't even see that coming until I started writing it out. I've just been sitting here staring at it now that it's written. Guess this is why T tells me it is good to talk to other people.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I feel like I am being needy and bothering him. He is too busy to respond to stupid questions that I'm sending because I like to bother myself with the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over... if I could quit working myself up into a froth over silly stuff, I could save us both a lot of time.

Woah. Didn't even see that coming until I started writing it out. I've just been sitting here staring at it now that it's written. Guess this is why T tells me it is good to talk to other people.

I guess I'm just not as afraid at this point to ask for what I need. The worst that can happen is that she can tell me no and I'm in the same place I am. I emailed for a session; she's booked up. So I emailed a question in response with the caveat if it was something too long for her to answer to just tell me to wait until next session.

And it is good to talk to other people. The information I got from a coworker yesterday about her experience in therapy was priceless. Same with PC.

[pbutton]

T has responded. The second line of his email is "You are not stupid and it is not a waste of my time."

Even I can't distort that one. I've got really sharp T-demonizing skills but there's just not a way to twist that. Curse him for his T-smartness.

I can't decide if I feel better or still feel stupid. I no longer feel like having a panic attack, so that's a plus.

[stopdog]

I am glad he responded so positively. You are not stupid. Choose the other option.

[healed84]

Glad he responded and affirmed what everyone was reassuring you of. I have a hard time as well, asking for help and then thinking I don't need the help or it was a silly questions. Take the help! And feel better!

[SoupDragon]

You'll keep e-mailing until you don't need to anymore - don't judge yourself for doing it, just accept that is the way it is right now - (I go through the same process repeatedly btw ) - Soup

I'm glad your T responded and that you feel better about it

I too seem to have some kind of compulsion to email my T - stupid, embarrassing things that somehow seem important - and then I sit worrying what she'll think and whether she'll reply. I don't know why I do this to myself, and wish I could 'keep a lid on it' until next session, where I could choose to say what I wanted to say or not based on whether I felt brave enough or not. Instead, I hit 'send' and then think 'oh **** oh **** oh ****...'

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I hit 'send' and then think 'oh **** oh **** oh ****...'

lol, yes, this!!! It seems to make perfect sense and seem appropriate right up until I hit SEND... then it becomes mortifying.

Originally Posted by pbutton

lol, yes, this!!! It seems to make perfect sense and seem appropriate right up until I hit SEND... then it becomes mortifying.

I'm not allowed to e-mail, but I get the same feeling when I leave messages.

[Perna]

You remind me of the Direct TV ad (which I love)?

If you pick a fight with yourself (banning yourself from doing something), how do "you" win? Instead of all-or-nothing, maybe say you can email up to once a week? Then you will probably be less inclined to panic when you opt to email?

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by pbutton

You make a very good point. That's probably why this is bothering me so much. I asked for help and I HATE doing that.

Boy, I can relate to this statement, Pbutton!

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by pbutton

lol, yes, this!!! It seems to make perfect sense and seem appropriate right up until I hit SEND... then it becomes mortifying.

lol that is so funny!! I still feel like that after every email.

[rainbow8]

I have a compulsion to email my T and it is getting worse, not better. Actually, it may be better because I now accept that I'm going to email her long emails starting with the night of my session and 2 or 3 days following it. I do that consistently now.

The redeeming quality that saves me from excruciating and agonizing embarrassment and disappointment is our rule that she doesn't respond to my emails unless it's a question about scheduling. So, I'm only asking her to read them, not pressuring her to respond. She's told me it's all right to email every time I ask. She doesn't remember everything I write and I know that too. So the boundaries are good.

I know it's the best solution for me because yesterday I emailed as usual but also asked her a scheduling question, which she answered. I got triggered because she didn't comment on anything I wrote about the session even though I KNEW she wouldn't.

pbutton, I'm glad that your T emailed you back and that you can't distort his reply!!!

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I have a compulsion to email my T and it is getting worse, not better. Actually, it may be better because I now accept that I'm going to email her long emails starting with the night of my session and 2 or 3 days following it. I do that consistently now.

The redeeming quality that saves me from excruciating and agonizing embarrassment and disappointment is our rule that she doesn't respond to my emails unless it's a question about scheduling. So, I'm only asking her to read them, not pressuring her to respond. She's told me it's all right to email every time I ask. She doesn't remember everything I write and I know that too. So the boundaries are good.

I know it's the best solution for me because yesterday I emailed as usual but also asked her a scheduling question, which she answered. I got triggered because she didn't comment on anything I wrote about the session even though I KNEW she wouldn't.

pbutton, I'm glad that your T emailed you back and that you can't distort his reply!!!

My compulsion to email my T was out of hand last week. It wasn't until I accepted that it is a part of therapy that I need, that I have calmed down with the emails. I am supposed to send ONE email a day at the end of the day. Sometimes he replies, sometimes he doesn't. We have the understanding that he may not be able to all the time. (which is fine!) But he assured me that he DOES read them all, and there are times in session where he says something, and I am like OMG he did read that!

He has recently added a new rule the emails, that every time I say something negative I have to say something positive. It's an interesting addition, but I like it. Even though I got reminded for not doing it today. oops.

[SoupDragon]

I used to e-mail T alot, would write a couple of pages of stuff up to a couple of days after each session and send - although I would have the same reaction to people here of "ahhh!!!why have I just done that!!".

T told me that he didn't have a problem with me e-mailing him and if it ever did become a problem he would let me know. Then before Xmas I tried to ban myself from doing it - managed a whole week - T noticed and asked why I hadn't e-mailed (I said I hadn't got anything to say which wasn't entirely true ) - he said he welcomed me e-mailing whenever I wanted to if it was helpful and at the end of the session he again said to keep writing / e-mailing if that helped.

Well since then I have hardly e-mailed at all - the times I have, I have forced myself to (how strange is that?) - like I am trying to recapture how it was for me. I don't know why I have lost my urge and wonder if it is something to do with what T said about it being OK and trying to enourage me to e-mail (I'm not good at talking in sessions). Must be the rebel in me

So maybe ask your T to encourage it and then like me, it might stop.

SD

[growlycat]

Thanks for letting us know what happened! It was nice to read his kind response

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I feel like I am being needy and bothering him. He is too busy to respond to stupid questions that I'm sending because I like to bother myself with the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over... if I could quit working myself up into a froth over silly stuff, I could save us both a lot of time.

Woah. Didn't even see that coming until I started writing it out. I've just been sitting here staring at it now that it's written. Guess this is why T tells me it is good to talk to other people.

sounds like some good is coming out of this!! time to stop beating yourself up, now you have an insight to report to T next time you see him and that's good work!