[Ygrec23]

I'm not quite sure whether I've ever read in this forum any comment on or discussion about what happens after you do a daily stint thinking and writing for T. It takes me hours to recover. During those hours I'm just dissociating like crazy, at least I think that's what's going on. I can do simple things but nothing that requires "being with others" or complex mental work. "Being with others" is the worst. And the more I tunnel away down there the worse it gets. My mind has made it perfectly clear that I'm just not supposed to mess around with that stuff. Under pain of real misery. And the only antidote that works is passage of time. That's it. Glue myself to the computer screen and let time go by.

I don't know whether your T's, like mine, encourage journaling and entry of dreams and thoughts along the lines of trying to analyze by myself what's really happening when I deal with people IRL. She really likes that kind of stuff. And I do have to say that I can't just relegate such thinking to my sessions. I have to make progress faster than that. So I have to beaver on by myself. Until it's too much and I have to give up for the day. If I do it in the evening I won't go to sleep, so it has to be during the day.

I'd love to hear about your various experiences after you think seriously about what's bothering you. And if and how you pull out of any negative states that occur afterwards. If I could short-circuit this reaction it would just be great. I would imagine that exercise would be good, but exercise isn't possible when I'm in full self-protection mode.

Take care!

[mcl6136]

What's the worst that can happen?

I'm only half serious here. I have allowed myself to go into complete free fall into memories after my last few (fairly bad) t appointments and ....

NOTHING HAPPENED.

I've likened my fear to seeing the footprints of grizzly bears once when I was on a 14-day horsepack trip in the middle of Montana wilderness.

They were scary but they were only footprints.

t appointment and its aftermath, as I sat there alone, recalling aspects of my childhood was staring at footprints....not being attacked by a wild animal.

Cheesemeister Zig Ziglar once said that F-E-A-R is false evidence appearing real.

I know. Easy for me to say......

Hope you are doing okay...hang in there. Hugs to you....

My T encourages me to anything like that if it helps me. And for me, I find it's better to get the thoughts OUT, and into some coherant order, instead of whizzing around my head!

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

What's the worst that can happen? I'm only half serious here. I have allowed myself to go into complete free fall into memories after my last few (fairly bad) t appointments and .... NOTHING HAPPENED. I've likened my fear to seeing the footprints of grizzly bears once when I was on a 14-day horsepack trip in the middle of Montana wilderness. They were scary but they were only footprints. t appointment and its aftermath, as I sat there alone, recalling aspects of my childhood was staring at footprints....not being attacked by a wild animal. Cheesemeister Zig Ziglar once said that F-E-A-R is false evidence appearing real. I know. Easy for me to say......Hope you are doing okay...hang in there. Hugs to you....

Thanks, mcl!

But it's not that I fear anything BAD happening. Anything REAL. No, it's just two or three hours of physical anxiety. What is PHYSICAL anxiety? That's when 85% of the anxiety is not in your head but in your body. It's REALLY uncomfortable. And I've been doing this for around a year now and it DOESN'T go away. Or even get better. All my nice little carbon-steel defenses piled on the side, no longer doing any good. The tiny gorilla glass bubble in which I lived my whole life, gone. I assume things are supposed to get better after a while. How long a while? When is the next bus? What about if McDonald's served martinis? THAT would help!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I've likened my fear to seeing the footprints of grizzly bears once when I was on a 14-day horsepack trip in the middle of Montana wilderness.

They were scary but they were only footprints.

t appointment and its aftermath, as I sat there alone, recalling aspects of my childhood was staring at footprints....not being attacked by a wild animal.

Cheesemeister Zig Ziglar once said that F-E-A-R is false evidence appearing real.

Wasn't Zig Ziglar killed by a bear?

[Rosie23]

Journaling works O.K. for me if I am having a bad bad trigger day. I have Complex PTSD and some days I flash back quite a bit and journaling can leave me with those physical symptoms you mentioned. For me it means I am hitting the nail on the head. It is tough work but I think in the long run it really does help.

I would love to use it to work out a particular traumatic event, but I can't remember the event to use it that way. I have a lot of triggers from that and if I could remember the events surrounding it, I might be able to stop them.