Closure

There are a few threads on here about closure and it is something that I have been thinking about. Not an immient closure, but just the knowledge that oneday there will be closure with T.

I feel I am on the brink of moving forward in my relationship with T, to let down those last barriers and really trust T and open up..........but I know at the moment I could still pull back and walk away without it feeling like a bereavement / loss.

So I guess I was just looking for reassurance from those who have gone through a closure with their T, that despite any possible resulting pain, it was totally worth it.

I would be really interested to hear what the process of closure was also - how long it took, who decided it was time etc.

Thank-you - Soup

I now believe that you need to do your closure as you go along.

I don't believe you can get good closure after a bad relationship, or if you are feeling disconnected, or under time pressure.

I've beaten myself up over my poor performance when my mother was dying. But I now see that with the best will in the world, three days simply wouldn't have been enough. It is the wasted years, not the wasted week that weigh on me now.

Thanks Cantexplain - I am so sorry you have regrets relating to your mothers death.

Wow that is such a profound thing you have written about it being wasted years and not the wasted week. My brain is still working to really understand that and how to do it, but somewhere in me I know there is something really important in what you have written.

Again I wonder if it is that thing about being in the moment, so maybe being "in" every moment that I spend with T....hmm shall think more on that today, but thank-you for stirring something in me.

Take care - Soup

Thanks!

I stirred The Soup!

lol - yes you certainly did

Wow Can't Explain. Thanks for this. You have a great insight to this that really resonates with me. I can't even find anything intellectual that I could say to communicate what I appreciate in what you said.

Soup, I must say that I have struggled with the knowing that there will be termination at some time. My t and I have made an agreement that we will still have some sort of contact while we are both alive. It was really the only way to settle me down. Now we did not negotiate what that would be. I also constantly reassure myself that my t will not make me leave until I am ready or a tragedy would happen. I remind myself that when the time comes to have an end to "therapy" I will feel differently. There is a story that t has read to me many times by Thich Naht Hahn about an emporer and the importance of mindfulness. The lesson is that the most important thing in life is what you are doing at the present moment and the most important person in your life is who is right in front of you. Otherwise you may get swept into that fear of the unknown and termination. I know I do not only get swept away in therapy but in other aspects of my life. It seems to be just magnified in therapy. Keep talking about it. I am curious of how you will sort it out. Perhaps a conversation with t similar to the one I had. Who knows, you may be able to negotiate a deal like I did and you won't have to worry so much.