[Snuffleupagus]

I've been lurking on these boards for some time, posting a little here and there, and I've consistently been struck by something about the language of the posts. Maybe it's the way "T" is used without any articles or possessive adjectives, but I find myself wondering how many sentences would read with "god" or "higher power" substituted for "T."

I am in a 12 step program, so this line of thought is probably not surprising. It's caused some serious self-reflection on how I view and have viewed my own therapists and if I want them to play a role that a human just isn't capable of. My own spirituality is divorced from any religion, and I would be traditionally categorized as an atheist or agnostic. I don't believe in a personal god, and have gotten through 4 1/2 years of my program by relying on a concept of a higher power as an "unsuspected inner resource."

I wonder if that's just not enough for the child in me that was raised in a strict fundamentalist church, and so I've subconsciously tried to turn my therapists into more tangible higher powers. If so, it's no wonder I was so deeply disappointed with my first therapist. I don't think she was a very good therapist, but I hung in there for 4 years and maintained "the faith." Maybe I was accustomed to a distant and judging god, and it felt right. I don't know.
It's just what I'm chewing on.

[mcl6136]

the reason that I use T is that T is gender neutral and not a proper noun name and because I live in a small town and am paranoid I think it helps me maintain my confidentiality.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Honestly, I'm just too lazy to type out "my therapist" most of the time. I'm fully aware that my therapist is very human, and do not hold her as any kind of higher authority. I do consider her very knowledgeable in her field, and as such, I respect her knowledge and experience. I defer to her only in so much as it feels acceptable and right to me. If she suggests things that don't resonate well with me, we discuss that and find other alternatives. I know that my T is not all knowing or anything. She's just the best T I've ever worked with, and I respect her.

[Snuffleupagus]

I want to make clear that I'm not imputing motives to people on this board for using "T" instead of "my therapist." I'm saying that it was reading that usage over and over that triggered these thoughts in me about my relationships.

It just served as a stimulus, and this was my response. Not making any conclusions about how that stimulus came to be.

[CantExplain]

I have certainly viewed my T as superhuman on occasion. I think it is part of the normal attachment cycle.

I once said to T, "You're the Virgin Mary, aren't you!" I don't think she ever denied it...

I see as as fairly human these days.

[crazycanbegood]

I love my T and she is perfect for me. But if my T is the higher power, then this world is screwed.

[unaluna]

I say it so often in session, my T has started referring to himself as T! But I think I see your point - it's T as superego, T as positive introject, to replace the negative voices (from parents or schooling or whatever) in our head. Unconditional positive regard.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by hankster

Unconditional positive regard.

I barely see the one I pay as competent enough. What is unconditional positive regard? How do you know if one of them is doing it?

[Chopin99]

I see my T as a human being who makes mistakes, but has specialized training to help people with mental health issues. I love her, but no "worship" here.

[learning1]

I'm an atheist and sometimes I use the idea of faith in humanity caring about each other, or that life is important/good/worth living as a substitute for the support that some religious people get from their faith.

I don't want to believe in my therapist as a "higher power" in the sense of a god, but I can think of him that way in that I look to him for help with some very intimate parts of myself (I don't mean intimate in the romantic sense). I put him in a parent-like role in my mind sometimes.

Some people use religion to help guide their moment to moment actions (WWJD?). I don't use therapy quite to that extent, but I do often find myself wondering what my therapist would think or suggest about little decisions I'm making. I don't believe he would know better than I do what to do, but I wonder what his perspective would be if he understood my situation as well as I do. Of course, he'd never be able to understand everything about my situation as well as I do, so at some point these musings dissolve into meaninglessness.

[healed84]

I use T as an abbrevation.. I don't think of T as a higher power at all. I believe in God, and so does my T.. We use Christian themes through out thearpy when appropriate. I view T as somebody who is knowledgable in the area that I need help with, and as somebody who cares. Def. not superhero or God like. I think we are setting each other up for failure to put that on our Ts..

[KazzaX]

The "higher power" bit in terms of NA, AA (and all the other As, as well as GROW which is the mental health version of it) doesn't always refer to a higher power as in a god. If you read your little book that they gave you, in the back there is a bit for "non believers" - ie people who don't believe in a god, per se. It has some cool alternative suggestions there for things you can substitute, for example your higher power could be nature, or self efficacy, or spirituality, or whatever you like really. The way they describe it, you COULD have your therapist as your higher power. It really fits in there with what they describe the purpose of a "higher power" to be.

It's just basically something you can put faith into, and to use as something onto which you can offload the burden of constant worry - eg. leave it up to god, he will sort it out. If you leave it up to god/nature/therapist/the god of rock/whatever, then it is just a particular manner of getting it off your chest and not constantly worrying about it 24 hours a day. Its like passing the buck... but temporarily, and for the sake of your mental health. It sort of leaves you with one less thing on your plate, which means you can keep fighting the good fight for longer. That's how i understand it anyways.

For me, T is simply shorthand. Even in emails or text I refer to my T with just first initial (ie: S said blah blah!).

[~EnlightenMe~]

Wait a minute, are you implying that our T's aren't higher powers (haha)?

We use the word therapist so much, it was inevitable that it would be shortened.

I once was having a lot of ruptures with my therapist (at the beginning) and things finally calmed down. I told him, "I'm so happy that you are back to the caring, new Testament God because I'm sick of the angry Old Testament God."

Thanks for the post!

T most definitely is not a "higher power" to me (I really hate that term by the way.) T is a trained professional that I rely on for guidance through my life issues. I already have a strong spiritual relationship with God. To think a mere human such as my T could somehow be a god-like figure in my life seems pretty creepy, rather delusional, and a bit blasphemous. (I say that somewhat tongue in cheek, but not completely.) I mean, what human being could ever live up to those kinds of expectations? Would you be setting up that person for inevitable failure? Wouldn't the therapy relationship be doomed to constant disappointment, misunderstanding, and ultimate collapse?

My T's have made so many errors in judgement there is no mistaking them for a higher power! They are DEFINITELY human!

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Wouldn't the therapy relationship be doomed to constant disappointment, misunderstanding, and ultimate collapse?

this seems to happen all the time (from reading many of the threads on here), with or without any higher power thing going on.

If you were drowning and a life rope was suddnely thrown to you, that rope in that monent would seem like a 'miracle/hp' but once out how the rope got thrown to you, who was behind it, who mananged to get involved in your rescue would all come into play and the 'miracle' would seem more an human event once on dry land. Well when we first find someone that is giving us normal human aid after being starved it does seem 'out of this world' its with time it begins to sound,feel less so. Most people on these boards are still at early stages. Most people who have 'humanised' their theraputic relationship actually aren't here so there's a tendency for most posters to still be in that 'fixated' stage.

[Snuffleupagus]

Thanks to hankster, learning1, and cantexplain for their thoughtful replies.

I think I'm gonna go back to lurking though given that I've now been called creepy, delusional, and blasphemous. I've been told to read "the little book they gave me" as if I haven't (especially since my first post mentions my non-god concept of a higher power). I've been informed that "T" is just an abbreviation which is obvious. And I've been helpfully advised that the unhealthy subconscious trap I was lamenting falling into is unhealthy. Wow.

[ECHOES]

I can see where seeing a therapist as a higher power would be really helpful in recovery!
I think the therapist could fill that role naturally. We adore them, we cherish them, they have a higher power role right from the start, and we rely on them like a guru at times.
They are our solid base, our safe harbor. We often think of them when moving through our day.
I think the role is a natural.

Originally Posted by stopdog

this seems to happen all the time (from reading many of the threads on here), with or without any higher power thing going on.

That was kind of my point.

Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus

Thanks to hankster, learning1, and cantexplain for their thoughtful replies.

I think I'm gonna go back to lurking though given that I've now been called creepy, delusional, and blasphemous. I've been told to read "the little book they gave me" as if I haven't (especially since my first post mentions my non-god concept of a higher power). I've been informed that "T" is just an abbreviation which is obvious. And I've been helpfully advised that the unhealthy subconscious trap I was lamenting falling into is unhealthy. Wow.

Read again. I was referring to my feelings about my own relationship with my T and my God. I wasn't calling you names. People here gave their own experiences. They were sharing. Try not to take people's personal experiences as a comment on you. Sorry you took it that way.

[Snuffleupagus]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Read again. I was referring to my feelings about my own relationship with my T and my God. I wasn't calling you names. People here gave their own experiences. They were sharing. Try not to take people's personal experiences as a comment on you. Sorry you took it that way.

But they weren't your experiences. In your post, they were merely hypothetical--were you to think of your therapist as a god-like figure, it would seem creepy, delusional, and blasphemous to you.

Thankfully you're too balanced and sober-minded to have those thoughts, so you don't have to worry about those epithets being applied to you. So sorry I took your very sensitively phrased "sharing" and unreasonably distorted it.

[elliemay]

[quote=farmergirl;2224663]T most definitely is not a "higher power" to me (I really hate that term by the way.) T is a trained professional that I rely on for guidance through my life issues. I already have a strong spiritual relationship with God. To think a mere human such as my T could somehow be a god-like figure in my life seems pretty creepy, rather delusional, and a bit blasphemous. (I say that somewhat tongue in cheek, but not completely.)quote]

Ouch! Love ya Chris, but wowsa!

[elliemay]

sorry, need to read further for clarification.